Fangirlness ReWritten 2: Oh crap!
by x-the-three-crazed-teenagers-x
Summary: Sequel to “Fangirlness ReWritten”. The hilarity continues just as before, but this time the characters have depth. We hope you can handle that. NOT YOUR AVERAGE SELF-INSERT: THIS IS MUCH MORE BETTER - complete!
1. New Beginnings

**New Beginnings...**

The moon rose high above the dark ocean. The quiet sounds of the sea – blowing wind, lapping waves and creaking lines – filled the night with an eerie symphony. On the walls of a stone prison that overlooked the scene, a flock of crows alighted. The moonlight night was made even eerier by the grunts, moans, and rattling chains of captive prisoners.

A pair of guards dragged a prisoner in through the tower's stone doorway. The passage was clearly the way_ into _the prison. However, the way _out_ was very different…

On the edge of a cliff, men where throwing coffins in to the roaring sea below. They threw one in and then went to lift another one. This one seemed to be heavier than all the others, but they threw it in regardless. The one after it seemed heavier still. Strange.

They simply let them plummet down into the hungry sea. Three black caskets bobbed to the surface. As they floated away on the waves, a crow flew down and started to peck at one. Peck-peck-PECK. The tapping sound was just another sound to fill the shadowy night.

Peck-peck-PECK.

It was also extremely irritating.

Suddenly a large blast from a gun came through the coffin blasting the bird away in a flurry of feathers. A hand and a gun emerged from the hole that had just been created and rotated around like a periscope. Incase there were any other scary crows to be shot.

After a thorough check, the hand withdrew and a rather attractive pirate burst out of the coffin. Captain Jack Sparrow.

Out of the second coffin burst three teenage boys. The first thing you noticed about these boys was that they were hot. VERY very hot. Yep, you guessed it. The relatively new teen American sensation The Jonas Brothers.

Jack looked at the JB's with an amazed look on his face.

Before he had time to say anything however, out of the final coffin burst three teenage girls.

One sensible red-head with the eye of a film critic and a knack for killing 'moments'. Check.

One totally-obsessed-with-all things-potc-and-Captain-Jack-Sparrow-fangirl. Check.

One crazy girl with curly hair (which has been described as "un-naturally so") who recently has spent the majority of her life in and out of various prison cells. Check.

Alex, Hazel and Katy. The three crazed fangirls you've come to know and love. Unless you haven't read the first one, in which case you shouldn't be here… _(we suggest, actually no, we DEMAND that you read the first one as this one won't make sense)_

Alex (the red head) looked around confused.

"HOW THE HECK DID WE GET HERE?" she asked loudly.

"I thought that room felt a bit smaller…" said Hazel (the crazy fangirl) looking a bit dazed.

Katy, (the crazy curly haired one) looked down to where they were sitting. "EWWW!!" she started to scream.

"This is so WRONG!" cried Joe suddenly noticing the remains of the previous occupant.

"Gross…" said Nick, poking at the body.

"Katy shut up! Think of it as a Halloween decoration," Alex said to her screaming friend.

"Oh hey! It's you guys," said Kevin noticing them and waving.

"NICK!" yelled Katy.

Nick and Katy are known to be somewhat of an "item".

"KATY!" said Nick.

"Oh gosh," murmured Hazel rolling her eyes.

"Paddle!" Katy ordered, pointing in Nick's direction.

"Sorry, Katy," said Jack, finally recovering the power of speech. "Oars aren't one of the specifications of a coffin."

So Katy (in her infinite wisdom) stuck her hands into the cold sea water and began to paddle.

"Omigosh, it's so cold," she hissed.

Alex and Hazel watched silently as the coffin slowly rotated.

"HELP ME GET OVER THERE!"

Alex and Hazel grumbled as they too helped paddle. They were soon in reaching distance so Katy threw herself at Nick in an attempt to hug him.

This sudden shift in weight made the girl's coffin begin to sway.

"FOR THE LOVE OF TOASTED…."

SPLASH

The coffin had capsized and Alex, Katy and Hazel were treading water in the cold and manky sea.

Katy desperately tried to climb aboard the JoBros ship.

"No Katy! STOP!" they yelled as the boat swayed. Joe began urgently slapping Katy's hands away from the side of the boat.

SPLASH

After the splashing and gasping had subsided, Joe turned to Katy and cried, "MY HAIR!"

"How gay are you?" asked Alex.

Jack rowed up behind them, a skeleton leg as his makeshift paddle. He looked so calm and collected as oppose to the shrieking young girls and boys splashing about in the water.

"A year without this? How did I cope…" he said sarcastically.

"It's been a year?" exclaimed Hazel.

"LET US IN YOUR BOAT, JACK!" said Katy and began to swim towards him.

He pulled her in successfully. They were joined by Nick.

"Ah, the happy couple," winked Jack.

Katy blushed.

Jack began to row off. Alex, Hazel, Joe and Kevin looked at each other and sighed.

"Well then…" They un-capsized their coffin, clambered in and rowed after them.

When they arrived aboard the Black Pearl, Gibbs was startled and trying to work out where he'd seen the young girls before. Jack was still having a déjà vu and exchanging awkward glances with Hazel. The Jonas Brothers followed them up the ladder and came into view.

"GIBBS!"

"BOYS!"

Joe, Nick and Kevin ran into Gibbs' outstretched arms and gave shared a warm fatherly hug.

Alex, Katy and Hazel were startled. "I never knew they were so tight," commented Hazel.

Alex began gagging, like old times. Joe turned round to see his choking buddy but merely smiled.

Gibbs ruffled Joe's hair. "HEY! Watch the hair," he said, backing away.

Jack was sick of this hoo-ha and wanted some answers. "How did you get here? And where have you been for the last year?"

"Oh, long story, Jacky" Katy said.

He sighed. "It's always a long story…"

"GOSH JACK! All you need to know is that _she_," Alex gestured to Hazel, "wasn't off making out with other dudes."

Jack looked awkward. Hazel smacked her forehead. "Thanks a lot, Alex," she muttered under her breath sarcastically.

Alex turned to Nick. "Same to you."

Katy had a sudden wave of emotion and gave Nick a big bear hug. Kinda like the one she gave Norrington. But with sincerity.

Jack sighed again and went over to talk to the crew. The teens took this opportunity to quiz the JoBros on how they got here.

"Everything started to fade," reminisced Kevin. "And then the credits started coming up."

"Yeah, that's what happened to us," nodded Hazel.

"Did you see this guy's name? Joe Pancake? Worked for Special Effects. I was all like 'Woah!'" said Joe

"Yeah! And then this phone came up! So we rang Hazel's sister and asked her to change the DVD."

"We phoned Big Rob."

"And we were like 'Hey Big Rob, can you put the second Pirates of the Caribbean DVD in?' and he was all like 'Yo guys, why would I do that?' and we were like 'Just do it please.' And he was like 'fine I'll do it! Yeesh!'"

They girls smiled. It sounded just like their conversation. "Gemma's kinda like our Big Rob," said Katy.

"How is Gemma similar to a large and beefy American bodyguard?" asked Hazel, the protective sister.

Katy merely laughed.

"So anyway," continued Kevin. "We kinda wondered why he wasn't on red alert. I mean, we have been missing for like a week… he'd think some of our crazy fans might have kidnapped us or something…"

"Yeah same here," said Alex, thoughtfully. "The way Gemma was talking, it was like we'd just been missing a few hours…"

"That's it!" said Katy, who looked like she's had an epiphany.

"What's it?" asked Nick.

"We're only missing as long as the DVD's playing!"

"That makes like, no sense," said Joe looking perplexed.

"No you don't understand!" said Katy. She turned to Hazel.

"How long does the first movie go on for?"

"Um… around an hour and a half to two hours."

"Then that's how long we've been missing!" said Katy excitedly.

"But we've been here a week…well now, a year and a week…" said Joe still not getting it.

"Yes, the movie is set over a week but they condense it down into a two hour movie! So that's how long we've been missing"

"Katy…you...are… a genius!" said Kevin.

"So I'm told," she joked looking at Hazel, who rolled her eyes.

"So what period of time is this movie set over?" asked Nick.

"Like a month…" said Hazel. "I think…"

"Awesome!" said Joe. "A week is way too short to have proper fun."

The group had started to drift over to Jack and the crew.

"Is that how you're all feeling then?" Jack was asking. "That perhaps dear old Jack is not serving your best interests as captain?"

"Drama Queen much?" asked Katy coming up behind him.

Jack sighed deeply. He longed for the blissful days of the previous year when he'd been able to say something without that girl making some sort of sarcastic comment about it.

"Walk the plank!" squawked Cottons parrot.

Jack pointed a gun at it

"WHAT DID THE BIRD SAY?" Jack demanded, taking out his rage on it.

"Don't blame the parrot!" said Alex going over to stroke it.

"Show us what is on that bit of cloth there," said the strange pirate with the turban.

Suddenly, a creepy skeletal monkey jumped down screeching and grabbed the cloth from Jack.

The Jonas Brothers started to scream.

"Relax," said Hazel, smirking at their girlish display of fear. "It's only Jack the Monkey."

Jack promptly shot the monkey as he tried to run away across ship. Katy gasped, as she thought he had killed the rather cute animal she was so fond of.

"You know that won't do no good…" Gibbs shook his head as the monkey got up and ran away completely unharmed.

"It does me…" muttered Jack.

"Woah… he's like un-dead!" exclaimed Katy to herself.

Marty ran over to pick up the cloth that the monkey had dropped.

"It's a key…" he said slowly.

Katy decided to line snatch…again.

"No much more better!" she said, stepping forward to take the cloth from him. "It is a drawing of a key."

Jack snatched the cloth off her. He also missed the days that he could say what he wanted to without someone else saying it first.

"Stop…It…" he hissed at her.

He held up the picture for the crew to see.

"Now, gentlemen," he asked them as they stepped forward to get a better look at it. "What do keys do?"

"Keys…" began the turbanated pirate. "…un-lock…things?"

"And whatever this key unlocks," Gibbs started excitedly. "Inside there's something valuable, so we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks!"

"No," said Jack. Gibbs's face fell.

"Well," Alex said. "If you think about it logically…"

"If we don't have the key…" Kevin joined in.

"We can't open what we don't have that it unlocks," said Nick.

"So what purpose would be served in finding what ever need's to be unlocked…" Katy said.

"Which we don't have…" said Joe.

"Without first finding the key that unlocks it?" asked Hazel.

"Savvy?" the whole posse finished together, and then high-fived at how surprisingly well that had gone.

Jack rolled his eyes.

"So…" said Gibbs, realization dawning on his face. "We're going after this key!"

Jack scrutinised him. "You're not making any sense at all…"

"Any more questions?" Hazel asked trying to end the conversation, as Gibbs's head looked as if it was about to explode.

"So…" said Marty slowly. "Do we have a heading?"

"A heading! Yes!" exclaimed Jack taking out his compass, glancing at Hazel as he did so.

Jack studied the compass, looking confused.

"Set sail in general…" he rotated his finger in the air, mimicking the compass's needle.

For a split second he was pointing at Hazel. Her heart leapt.

"That way…direction…" he finished, pointing the complete opposite way.

Hazel sighed.

"Guess he must have moved on in a year…" said Katy giving her a pat on the back. "Don't worry, pirates can be like that. I'm sure he thought of you for the first few months that he was with other women."

Hazel was horrified. She struggled to come back with something equally as hurtful. "Shut up! You… skank!"

"A few minutes ago you called me a genius!" Katy protested.

"A lot can happen in a few minutes," said Hazel darkly and she stormed off.

Katy turned to Alex.

"Too soon to joke about it, then?" she asked, all innocence.

"Duh!" said Alex thumping her.


	2. Boredom Sets In and Bootystrap Arrives

**Boredom Sets In and Bootystrap Arrives **

"So then I said to Nick, I was like…"

Jack leaned back in his chair and sighed. "If you insist on being here, then at least be quiet."

Katy was offended. "Well,_ sooorreeeee_, but there's nowhere else decent."

Alex grumbled her agreement. The two of them were sitting in a cabin gossiping. A rather nice, spacious cabin. Which they later discovered happened to belong to Jack.

"Why can't you run of with your friends?" he asked, exasperated. They'd been annoying him for the past half hour or so. It felt like years.

"Because…" Alex began. "Because Katy here, in her Infinite Wisdom, has managed to upset Hazel for the millionth time and so they need some space to cool off, apparently… also the weather outside is crap."

Jack simply sighed and went back to his compass, charts and rulers. It reminded them of their wonderful days of math lessons back home…

"Can I help?" Katy asked perkily. "I was good at this topic…"

"No you weren't," Alex protested. "Instead of doing the exercise, you stabbed me with your compass. From the other end of the classroom."

"You stabbed _me_, actually." Katy answered.

"That was Hazel!"

"Alex, it was you as well."

"How can you even remember? It was like, a year old!"

"Actually, Alex,_ actually_ it was approximately eight months ago. I remember. We had a fire drill that day."

Alex smacked her forehead. "WHO EVEN CARES?"

"I do. Now… let me have a look," Katy leaned over Jack's desk. She felt like a teacher.

Jack stopped fiddling with his whatnot and slowly turned his head to see her hovering over him.

"What the devil _are _you doing?"

She grinned. "Seeing if I can make sense of all this, because you are struggling. And I can do math!"

He rolled his eyes. "Try using a broken compass." Jack tapped it with his finger and the needle constantly gave different headings.

"I bet you it isn't broken," said Katy leaning forward to pick it up. "It's probably just you…"

She looked at the compass. The needle immediately swung in the general direction of the Jonas Brothers cabin. She grinned.

"See?" she said holding it out for him to look at.

"No…" he was blank.

Alex rolled her eyes. "It's pointing at Nick, duh!" she said from her seat.

"So it works for _me…_" said Katy in that annoying, smug voice little children use when they've discovered that they're right and you're wrong.

"Why don't you try using a compass that actually points north, if you're so hung up about your personal dilemma?"

"That _would_ solve a few things," Katy nodded.

"Why didn't the writers think of that?" pondered Alex.

"Who?" Jack was baffled. "And what do you mean _personal dilemma_?"

Katy laughed. "Gosh, Jack. We all know you have… certain predicaments at the moment… you know?"

"No, I don't. An example, please?"

Katy raised an eyebrow. "One word: HAZEL."

He said nothing and reached for his bottle of rum.

Katy and Alex exchanged glances.

Jack sat holding the bottle upside down. A mere two drops came out.

"Why is the rum always gone?"

"Because you _drank_ it all, maybe? Doy!" Katy mocked.

He got up, drunkenly swayed to one side and nearly fell over. Katy and Alex burst out laughing.

"Oh," he said, grabbed his hat and glaring at them. "_That's_ why." He stumbled out the door.

"Well," said Alex. "I'm bored now."

"Let's go find Hazel."

"Are you sure that's a good idea…?"

Katy dragged her out of the room. They eventually found her, sitting in a room talking to Nick, Kevin and Joe. Hazel stopped in mid-sentence and glared at Katy.

"Ah. There she is now."

"Take a joke, can't you?" Katy said smiling.

Hazel sighed. "Whatever. But you seriously crossed the line…"

"I was _joking_. Jack's probably just been sitting here with that compass trying to find you this whole time…" Katy put on her cheesy story telling voice.

Hazel rolled her eyes. "Uhhh… huh."

"Where were you?" Nick asked.

"Oh well. We found a nice little room. That happened to be Jack's," Alex said.

"Ooh. Compass scene right?"

"Yep. He's gone to get rum... as always."

"Hey, remember we all got slightly tipsy on the island?" asked Joe cheerily. "That was fun."

"Weren't we lucky there was a huge stash of alcohol…" said Katy reminiscing.

"Weren't _we_ lucky we weren't there," Kevin said to Alex. "Goodness knows what _they _were like."

Alex nodded. "I still wonder about exactly what happened out there…"

Katy grinned. "Yes, _Hazel._ Do tell us."

Hazel gave her a skeptical look. "Oh, I'm sure everyone would be enthralled."

"Oh, we would," Katy retorted.

Hazel sighed. "When are you ever going to let that go?"

"Geez, sorry, but it's kind of boring, we could do with a good story."

"No, you just like prying in my business."

"… True," Katy admitted.

Hazel turned back to Alex and the Jobros. "See what I have to put up with?"

"Hey!" cried Katy. "Do you see what _I_ have to put up with? She's so secretive!"

"What do you want, Katy? My life story?"

"I'm just intrigued to how you came about LYING ON HIM!"

The argued like this for several minutes. Then they noticed they were alone in the room. Alex, Nick, Joe and Kevin had gone.

"You've drove away our friends!" cried Hazel.

"Me? ME? If anyone it was you!"

"Actually it was probably both of us..."

"Yeah…" Katy paused. She had suddenly thought of something. "Hazel… could you do me a favor?"

"What now?"

"Could you grab me a bottle of rum from the cellar place?"

"Why can't you just go?"

"Cellars… freak me out... yeah." Katy lied.

Hazel looked at her warily. "Fine. But only because I want some too," and off she went. Katy grinned and ran out to the rest of her cronies outside.

"Hey guys."

"Hey… where did Hazel go? You two were arguing the hell out of each other."

"I thought of the BEST THING!"

"What?"

"I sent her to get some rum!"

They stared at her. "So you're getting her drunk now?"

"No! She'll go in there and then she'll HAVE to talk to Jack!"

"Ahhhh. Cunning plan," said Alex.

"Yeah… because all the awkwardness between them is just _so_ annoying," Katy said.

"That's why you verbally attacked her about it?"

"Yup."

"Oooo Katy you're so DEVIOUS!" said Joe in his best drama-queen voice.

"Tell me something I DON'T know!" said Katy in her best American bimbo voice.

"I know, ri-GHT?" said Alex also doing her best bimbo impression.

"What's with all the accents all of a sudden?" Kevin asked looking around confusedly.

"Hard to say…" said Katy.

-awkward silence-

"So I'm gonna go to our cabin and wait for Hazel with the rum…" said Katy. "And then I'll come back hopefully with a happier Hazel and more importantly the SAID rum and we shall have a raging PAR-TAY!"

"Or…" said Nick. "You could do that except instead of having a 'Raging PAR-TAY' we could just, you know, sit and talk?"

"Whilst getting slightly tipsy!" said Joe enthusiastically.

Katy shrugged. "Ok, either's good,"

She left the room.

Nick, who had watched her leave, turned round to see Kevin, Alex and Joe looking at him _suggestively_.

"What?" he asked bewildered.

All three of them did an identical gesture with their heads towards the door, after Katy.

"WHAT?" asked Nick exasperatedly still not quite getting it.

Kevin sighed. He and Joe both stepped forward and shoved him out the door.

"Now," said Kevin through the crack in the door. "Follow her and be "Mr. Romance", ok?"

Alex poked her head through and winked, "Go get 'em, tiger."

Nick's face suddenly became very pale at this last comment but he managed to say "Fine," still annoyed at the fact that he had been shunned from his own cabin.

"We're getting very good at annoying those two…" Joe glanced at Alex.

She laughed. "We are."

"Let's go after him!" said Joe, standing up.

Kevin stopped him. "No, dude. At least give them _some_ space."

Joe sighed. "But I'm bored! I want TV. I want apples and organic peanut butter. Actually, I want my iPhone."

"Tough."

"I have my i_Pod_…" Alex offered it to him.

"Hmmmm," he was looking through her music. "Woah. You have like all our albums. Like _all_ our albums, like that one nobody's heard of!"

She grinned. "Of course."

"What's your favourite song?"

"It depends on the mood…" she pondered. "Lovebug. I LOVE it."

He looked up and smiled at her. "Me too."

...

Nick walked down the corridor that led to the girl's cabin He knocked the door.

There was a crash from inside as Katy fell of her hammock in her anticipation to answer the door.

After a series of bumps and groans she opened the door and smiled.

"Hey!" she said a little too breezily.

"Hi," he laughed and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He pulled her into a hug.

When he let go, Katy looked at him. "What was that for?" she asked and then added hastily. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, I didn't get to give you a proper one yet. That's all." He smiled.

"Anything else you may have forgotten to give me?" she asked grinning.

"Oh yeah! How on earth did I manage to forget that?" he asked in mock surprise.

He leaned forward and kissed her.

"Well I think that's everything then," said Katy after the kiss ended.

This night was shaping up pretty well in her opinion…

...

"I stood up for you," somebody was saying. "Everything went wrong after that. They strapped me to a cannon, I ended up on the bottom of the ocean, the weight of the water crushing down on me." Bootstrap looked deadly serious. "Unable to move, unable to…."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hazel had just walked in to the cellar. She screamed after seeing the crustacean/man talking to Jack. "BOOTSTRAP?"

Jack sighed. "What is it, Hazel?"

"I just came down for some…" she trailed off, seeing Jack's expression.

He eyed her suspiciously. "So then. _You're_ the reason the rum is always gone."

Suddenly the room became so silent they could here the ship creaking.

Hazel's eyes darted across the room. "Um, no! You're thinking of…Elizabeth! You know what she's like," she laughed awkwardly.

"I thought even the tiniest hope of escaping this fate, I would take it." Bootstrap continued, ignoring the crazy young girl. "I would trade anything for it."

Meanwhile Hazel had meandered over to a corner and sat on a barrel, listening to their conversation.

Jack passed Bootstrap back the bottle of rum and stood up to leave. "It's funny what a man will do to forestall his final judgment..."

Bill sprang up and stopped him in his tracks. "You made a deal with him too, Jack. He raised the Pearl from the depths for you, thirteen years you've been captain."

Jack couldn't help but protest. "Technically…"

"Jack," he interrupted. "You won't be able to talk yourself out of this. The terms that applied to me apply to you as well. One soul, bound to crew a hundred years upon a ship."

"Yes, but the Flying Dutchman already has a captain so there's really no…"

"Then it's the locker for you! Jones's terrible leviathan will find you, drag the Pearl back to the depths and you along with it," Bootstrap threatened.

Jack actually looked slightly nervous. He hesitated, trying to think up another comeback, but all he could manage was "Any idea when Jones might release said terrible beastie?"

"I already told you, Jack." He grabbed his hand. "Your time is up." Then Bootstrap started walked away. "He comes now, drawn with ravenous hunger, for the man that bears…"

Jack unclenched his left hand, revealing…

"The Black Spot!"

"Ewwww…" Hazel said to herself.

And Bootstrap was gone.

You could just tell Jack's mind was going "oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap…"

Hazel walked towards him and decided to tease him. "Everything all right there, Jacky?"

He gave her a worried look and sprinted out the door and shouting at his crew. She grabbed a couple of bottles of rum and followed him up.

"All hands! Movement! I WANT MOVEMENT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Said crew grumbled into action.

Katy and Nick (holding hands), Alex and the other two Jonas brothers gathered together on deck.

"Ooooo!" said Alex noticing Katy and Nicks hand holding.

" Oh grow up!" Katy rolled her eyes.

Suddenly Jack appeared from below yelling something. Hazel appeared shortly after.

"Rum anyone?"

Katy grabbed the bottle and eyed her suspiciously. "So then…"

"So what?" Hazel noticed everyone looked at her oddly. "What?"

"Jack's freaking out."

Hazel nodded. "Yeah, he got the black spot."

"Any… any ice breaking going on between you two?" asked Joe.

Hazel looked like she'd worked out their scheme. "Ahhhh. Well I could hardly get a word in edgeways because Bootstrap was telling his whole life story…"

Katy slapped her forehead. "Rage! I thought you'd get there before him!"

Hazel grinned. She'd caught her out. "So, Katy, why exactly did I need to get down there before ole Bootystrap?"

Alex, Nick, Joe and Kevin burst out laughing. "Booty… strap?"

Katy looked awkward. "Emmmm… so you'd get the last of the rum?"

"You were SCHEMING!"

Katy sighed, defeated. "You know me too well."

"Yep."

"It was only to get you two to talk…"

"Well, we didn't. Billy stole the show with all his 'you're going to die, Jack!' speech".

As if on cue, Jack ran past them, yelling "RUN! LAND! Run as if the Devil himself and itself is upon us!"

Katy rolled her eyes. "I see that."

They watched Jack's paranoid panicking behavior for a while.

"Do we have a heading?" Gibbs asked, appearing out of nowhere. How does he always do that?

Jack jumped at his sudden appearance. "Run… land!"

"Which port?"

"Didn't say port. Said land. Ay land."

Just as things couldn't be going crappier, Jack the monkey swung down and stole Jack's hat, throwing it overboard.

"JACK'S HAT!" cried Gibbs, shocked. The whole crew gathered at the side of the ship, watching in horror as the hat floating away on the sea. "Clear about!"

"Funny how it floats…" pondered Kevin.

"Poorly made props," said Alex.

"NO, NO!" yelled Jack. "Leave it!"

Everyone stared at him. What? Wasn't his hat his most prized procession?

"Run…" Jack mumbled.

- Stunned silence -

"Back to your stations, the lot o' ya!" Gibbs yelled. He stared at the six young girls and guys.

"'cept you. Obviously."

"Obviously!" cried Alex.

Gibbs turned away and crept over to where Jack was hiding. Our posse followed from a distance.

"Jack?"

"Shush!" he hissed nervously.

"For the love of mother and child, Jack, what's coming after us?"

Jack looked around himself warily. "Nothing…"

Gibbs sighed and turned away. He wasn't going to get any information out of Jack, anytime soon anyways.

Katy took Jack's extremely panicky mood as leeway for her to annoy him further into insanity.

"Hey, Jack! You okay? Hands alright? Not in debt?"

Jack glared at her.

Alex smacked Katy. "Nice one."

"_You _are actually defending _him_?"

"Cheers," said Jack.

"I wouldn't go as far as saying it was _defending_, Katy, but you need to stop being so blunt."

Katy was gaping. "CAN ANYBODY HERE TAKE A JOKE?"

- serious looks all round -

"No? Fine!" Katy stormed off. They all stared after her.

Again, everybody looked at Nick and gestured for him to go after Katy. He gave them an evil look. He wasn't going to move.

"Well… we better go…" muttered Kevin, yawning. "Pretty sleepy you know?"

Before Nick could protest, Joe and Kevin dragged him away. They shoved him in the general direction of Katy.

"Off you go with your girlfriend."

"She's my girlfriend now?"

"No, Nick," Joe said sarcastically. "She's just a girl you happen to hug and make out with on random occasion."

"We don't _make out_."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Not yet…"

Meanwhile there was an awkward silence as Alex, Hazel and Jack hung around. Alex looked like she wanted to go. Hazel sighed. She knew she'd be left alone with Jack…

Alex yawned. "Yeah, I'm really tired…" and off she went.

"I knew it…" Hazel mumbled, sitting herself down on some steps. She could feel Jack staring at her.

"So…" she looked up at him. "Much happen in the year I was gone?" She had to find out if anything had happened.

"Oh, you know, bit of swashbuckling here, bit of plundering there."

"The usual pirate stuff then?"

"Yeah."

-Awkward silence-

"Meet…anyone…while I was gone?" she risked a glance up at him.

"By anyone I assume you mean…" he looked down at her.

"Yeah," She said hastily.

Jack turned back to the sea. "No. I…I didn't."

"Oh," Hazel mulled this over. She then realised there was nothing to mull over so she stood up and went over to him.

"Are we just going to ignore what happened on the ship last year, Jack? Just before I…faded?" she reminded him.

Jack looked sadly at her with his deep brown eyes and sighed - when they were suddenly disturbed by a loud boom somewhere on the ocean.

"AHH!" screamed Jack in his newly acquired jumpy behaviour. He then ran off towards his crew, completely forgetting about their conversation.

Hazel stared after him.

"_Bloody hatless pirates" _she thought.

* * *

_HEEEEEY READERS!!_

_Our second installment is well under way… hopefully things will get a bit more interesting once the storyline picks up, but for now, things are a tinsy bit boring we've got to admit. So we're aiming for at least a chapter every week, as we're actually quite busy at the moment with our day-to-day lives and such. We'd like to welcome shiny spangling new reviewers, and welcome back our lovely faithful 'vintage' reviewers!_

_And to those who are just reading this, we say – REVIEW!! Please… it just makes us so happy!_

_Also we need to think up a tagline for this story… Fangirlness ReWritten 2: (insert witty phrase) -- HELP!_

_To __XxSupernatural.lovexX :_

– _We fixed the confusing line stealing, and THANK YOU!! Reading over that we were like 'Hey, she's right'. So thanks again. _

_- Joe Pancake is in the credits of Pirates 1, we think his name is hilarious. So did Johnny Depp in the DVD commentary. His name's really there. Go check if you don't believe us!_

_- Air heads? We do have air heads in Ireland, as in foolish people, but as in a candy of some sort (I'm assuming)? Never heard of it… _

_And to everyone else – we know, right? Sequels are awesome. Feel free to laugh evilly, we did. We DO like cookies. Thank you, we plan on being the only self-insertion that has actually completed all the movies. We HAVE done it again! HAHAHA!!_

_Expect the next chappie soon – cannibal island! HA! (more evil laughing)_

_xxxx_

_OOOH I ALMOST FORGOT TO SAY -_

Katy's birthday was the 29th of September so HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATY!!

She got a ton of Jonas Brothers merchandize. Literally.


	3. Cannibal Fun and the Return of Turnip

Cannibal Fun and the Return of the Turnip

After a few hours of hard sailing the finally reached land. This 'land' was a densely jungle-inated island that looked deserted. When they landed and _The Black Pearl _had been tied down the crew climbed ashore and looked around.

"Well… this looks…nice," said Katy doubtfully thinking about cannibals.

"Yeah…" nodded Kevin. "If you're into that sort of thing…"

Jack had climbed down and was looking around incoherently. "Land. Good. Yes." he said looking around. Everyone was staring at him as he continued to swagger around.

"Jack's got issues, doesn't he?" asked Nick, surveying him.

"Yup…" Alex nodded.

"Well, I wanna go for a walk," Katy announced. She was sick of being stuck on the ship.

"Alone?" Hazel asked doubtfully.

"Oh yeah. Maybe not…"

"I'll go with you, if you want," Nick piped up.

"Ok, sure." she said smiling. He took her hand and they walked off.

"Aw," said Joe. "Ain't that cute?"

Alex raised her eyebrows at him. Joe turned to Kevin. "Can I follow them _this time_?"

"No!" Kevin reprimanded. "And why wouldn't Katy be able to go for a walk on her own?" He turned to the girls.

"Oh…" Alex exchanged glances with Hazel. "No reason…"

Kevin was about to respond when a blood-curdling scream ripped through the air.

Kevin, Joe, Alex and Hazel all looked at each other and then said in perfect unison;

"Katy."

Sure enough, Katy came tearing towards them closely followed by Nick. Behind them, were about 10 or 11 angry natives with freaky face paint and piercings in odd places (like the CHIN for example).

"Oh," said Kevin. "That's why…"

Katy ran into the group and jumped, cartoon style, into Kevin's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and refused to let go. Kevin started to turn purple.

"Katy. KATY. Let go you're gonna suffocate him!" Hazel said pulling at her.

This made Katy loosen her grip slightly so Kevin dropped her and gasped for breath.

Joe turned to Nick. "What the heck just happened?"

"One of those creepy native guys jumped out from a bush brandishing that stick. Katy was understandably shocked, screamed and sprinted away," he answered

Alex was staring at Katy who was now sitting on the ground hyperventilating. "I have never seen her move that fast…" she said thoughtfully.

"I think she's having a breakdown," said Joe poking at her with his foot.

"Don't DO that!" Katy snapped up at him.

"Oh, okay, she's over it," Joe shrugged as Katy got up onto her feet.

"Where'd those creepy guys go?" asked Alex.

They looked around. The tribe people seemed to be in deep conversation with Jack.

"How does he even know their language?" Kevin asked incredulously.

"Dunno, but he'd better be negotiating with them to let us go," Alex said, eyeing Jack suspiciously. "We have women and children!"

"Thanks very much!" said Kevin affronted. "And anyway, who's the 'children'?"

Alex nodded towards Katy. "Obviously," she said.

"Hey!" Katy protested. "I'm older than you!"

"Yeah and you sure act like it," Hazel rolled her eyes.

"It's only by thee months anyway!" Alex said.

Katy scowled. Suddenly, the lead native let out a weird kind of call.

"Hey…" said Joe nervously. "What's he doing?"

More tribal people started to appear from the surrounding vegetation. A group of them started to advance towards our teenagers. They got in a circle around them and moved forward until the gang was standing back to back, completely surrounded.

"Jack! What did you do?" Alex yelled at him.

"Don't worry… everything's under control," he said trying to sound reassuring. And failing.

One of the guys gestured at Hazel with his spear to move out of the circle. She did so and went over to stand next to Jack.

"Well… this is just great," said Kevin.

Hazel turned to Jack. "What's this all about? Why am I not with the others?"

"I kind of told them you were my queen…" admitted Jack giving her a crooked grin.

At first, Hazel wasn't sure whether she should be touched at his obscure gesture of affection or not. But then she starting thinking… didn't being his queen mean that she too would have to be released from her 'fleshy prison'?

"You are an _idiot_," she remarked after a long pause. "And what about my friends?" she asked him.

Jack winced. "Working on it…"

Hazel watched as Katy, Alex and the Jonas Brothers (not to mention Jack's crew) were hustled, and by 'hustled' we mean 'threatened at the end of a spear', away.

Now all you Will fans (if indeed there are any, which we doubt HIGHLY reading this story) are probably going "Where's Will? It's the third chapter and he still isn't in it!" Well don't worry (if anyone is, although probably not) we haven't forgotten him.

Will is busy flitting around the country looking for Jack, being slapped by wenches in Tortuga and chatting up Jamaican spice traders who like 'Long Pork' and who FOR SOME REASON have a FRENCH brother. WHAT'S WITH THAT???

Hazel meanwhile had been taken along with Jack to the tribe 'centre' were she had had her face painted like his (eyes on eyelids and everything) and was now sitting, bored, watching the tribes-folk dance around.

"_Gosh. Queens must have such boring lives…"_ she thought.

She sighed and looked at Jack he seemed to be enjoying himself. "Jack?" she asked.

He didn't seem to hear her.

"Jack I'm gonna go for a walk, ok?"

"Mmmm…" he grunted. He was preoccupied with his new 'decorations'. Hazel rolled her eyes and went off. Cannibals didn't really seem to notice.

It was at this point that Will arrived on the island. He wandered around yelling at things like the doofus that he is. He got to the point where the trees started when Cottons parrot flew and landed next to him.

"Ah! Finally a familiar face!" Will grinned idiotically.

It was a PARROT for crying out loud. Oh well, it is slightly better than talking to his hammers…

Hazel stopped in her tracks as she heard Will's voice not so far away in the jungle. She pushed away a few branches, and alas, there was Turnip standing talking to a parrot.

_Oh no, he's back! _she thought.

"Don't eat me!" squawked the parrot.

Will cocked his head. "I'm not gonna eat you!"

Hazel laughed to herself. He completely lost his English accent there… I mean what 17th century British guy would say the phrase 'gonna'? Such bad acting…

"Don't eat me!" said the parrot.

"I'm not even hungry…" Will muttered as he looked for a path through the jungle.

"DON'T EAT ME!" it screamed even louder.

Will turned his attention back to the bird. "Look, you're nothing but feathers and bones and you probably taste like pigeon."

The parrot was silent. Hazel couldn't believe he'd actually held a conversation with a bird for this long.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for." Turnip looked guilty, as if he's upset the parrot's feelings. "Listen, if anyone should ask, tell them Will Turner went into the jungle in search of Jack Sparrow."

Hazel had to bite her tongue to stop laughing. Poor Will made it sound so romantic…

"Aye, aye!" answered the parrot, before flying off.

Will nodded. "Thanks." He drew his sword and began hacking through the dense vegetation, very nearly slicing Hazel's head off without even knowing it. Then he paused.

"I was talking to a parrot."

"_Oh…dear…goodness," _Hazel stared from the bushes. It seemed he'd only got stupider in the past year, if that's even possible. At least he wasn't wearing the stockings and girly shoes. Trousers and boots made him look slightly more manly… but that doesn't make up for the fact he had just been talking to an animal for the past five minutes.

It was at this point that Will found the string that he decided (stupidly) to follow.

You know the rest.

Before long, Will found himself hanging upside down by his foot trying to look cool with his sword, while the cannibals (not to mention Hazel) stared at him in befuddlement or in Hazel's case - amusement.

After shouting like an idiot for a good few minutes, they'd finally managed to silence Turnip – by means of a poison arrow in his neck. So our 'beloved hero' was cut down and tied to a big pole. Never had he looked more idiotic. He was then carried off towards the main tribe camp. Hazel had scurried back their first so she wouldn't get in trouble.

When she arrived she sat down on her 'throne' and donned her odd head-dressy thing. Jack looked at her, then back at Will. Then back at Hazel.

"Yeah. Turnip's here. Wonderful, isn't it?"

"Jack…" Will mumbled sleepily. He happened to have regained consciousness. "Jack Sparrow? I can honestly say I'm glad to see you!" he giggled like a fangirl.

He walked over to Will and scrutinized him, poking him occasionally. He then went over to speak jargon to the cannibals. Will looked so confused that his head might have exploded.

"Jack, it's me! Will Turner!" he wailed, sounding like a crying baby.

"Did he just call himself Will Turnip?" Hazel asked herself. It really sounded like he did…

"Tell them to let me down!" he whimpered desperately.

"Kay lay lum. Lum peeky peeky, lum insy winsy…" Jack rambled. He then went over and kneeled down beside the Turnip. "Lum say say eunuchy… snip snip." He made scissor gestures with his fingers.

"Oooooooooh…" the cannibals nodding knowingly. Will looked broke, and Hazel became hysterical. She fell out of the throne laughing. Jack smirked. He'd managed to severely embarrass poor Will.

"Jack, the compass. That's all I need, Elizabeth is in danger!" Turnip yelled.

"What's new?" Hazel sighed.

"We were arrested for trying to save you! She faces the gallows!"

Jack stopped swaggering around and went over to his minions again.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, savvy?" was all Hazel gathered from what Jack had said. He then shooed them away. "Ma lickey lickey."

"MA LICKEY LICKEY!" They all replied enthusiastically, taking Will away.

"Save me," Jack hissed to Will as he was being carted off. The poor thing looked vexed and continued to whine as he was hauled away across the bridge.

"_Save me_?" Hazel questioned Jack as he sat down. "And… how's he going to do that?"

"Encase you haven't worked it out, they _are_ going to eat us," he murmured under his breathe.

"Fantastic. Why did you have to drag _me_ into this? I'd be better off sitting in a cage with Turnip!"

"No, this way you get to boss people around." Jack grinned then turned to a passer-by. "OI! I WANT A TOE NECKLACE! NOW!" he yelled at a cannibal. Then he repeated it in the Pelegosto language. Cannibal went running off.

Hazel just stared at him. "A _toe_ necklace?"

"Fine, what would you ask cannibals for?"

She thought about this for a moment, and then grabbed a cannibal. "Hey! You! With the chin piercing! I'll have a grande double ristretto venti half-soy nonfat decaf organic chocolate brownie vanilla double-shot extra hot upside down double blended frappuccino with whipped cream."

Said cannibal widened his eyes.

"To go," Hazel finished.

He looked scared and slowly backed away. Hazel sighed. "This ain't no Starbucks…"

"What the bloody hell was that?" Jack asked, totally confused.

"Trust me, it's not as crazy as asking for a piece of jewellery made from human parts… speak of the devil!"

Two cannibals had somehow actually produced the toe necklace, and they placed it around his neck. She stared in disgust, but he seemed unsullied.

"Oh, sorry. Do you want one, Oh Queen Hazel?" his words were dripping with sarcasm.

"That's SO GROSS!" she cried, shuttering. She was seriously shunning her newly acquired 'queen' status.

…

Turnip meanwhile, was taken to three hanging circular cages suspended over a cliff edge. One cage of inconsequential pirates.

One cage of Gibbs, Cotton, Marty, Alex and the JoBros... and other noteworthy pirates not to be killed off.

And the third significantly smaller cage of… Katy.

"KATY!!" Nick shouted loud enough for her to hear. Which was quite ear-splitting.

"WHAT?" she screamed back.

"HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

"CRAP, THANKS VERY MUCH! AND YOURSELF?"

"Umm… I'M ALRIGHT!" he yelled. Then he turned back to his brothers. "I'm crap," he admitted.

"We all are," Alex sighed. "We're in a cage. Made out of human bones. Several thousands of feet above the ground. Hanging from flimsy rope…"

"SHUT UP!" Joe shrieked. Everyone stared at him. "Sorry… I just don't like heights, okay?"

"Oh, don't be such a big girl's blouse," Alex sighed and rolled her eyes.

"First I'm gay, now I'm a girl?"

"No," she grinned slyly, "I said a big girl's _blouse_."

"Guys…" Kevin pointed to Katy's cage that was being hauled up to the cliff edge with her in it. They heard her squealing.

"They're letting her _go_?" They were outraged, until they saw her cage being lowered again. With somebody else in it…

"Oh, dear." Will said, looking in horror at his cage-buddy.

"Oh, _CRAP_!" cried Katy.

"WHAT'S WRONG, KATY?" Alex shouted over.

"WILL'S IN THIS CAGE WITH ME!" Katy replied.

"Oh… that's crap," Alex and the brothers muttered.

"Poor Katy…" Gibbs muttered.

"Poor WILL!" the other four cried.

"So… you're back," Katy said slowly.

"Yes," said Will looking glum.

-Silence-

"WHY?" Katy asked annoyed.

"I don't know, I was looking for Jack and-"

"Oh, Turnip, SHUT UP!"

"Well you asked and I thought you wanted me to-"

"I said SHUT UP!"

Will did what he was told this time and sat in silence for a while. Five minutes later;

"Why are we here? Who are those people? What do they want?"

Katy rolled her eyes. "GIBBS!" she called over to the other cage.

"Gibbs," said Kevin. "Katy wants you…"

"AYE?" he yelled back.

"TURNIP WANTS A STORY!"

"_TURNIP WALNUT STOCK?"_ Gibbs couldn't quite hear and though she was talking about soup of some kind. It sounded pretty yummy.

Katy smacked her forehead. "TALK TO HIM YOURSELF!" She nudged Will.

"WHY WOULD JACK DO THIS TO US? IF HE'S THE CHIEF?" Turnip shouted.

"AYE! THE PELEGOSTOS MADE JACK THEIR CHIEF! BUT HE ONLY REMAINS CHIEF AS LONG AS HE ACTS LIKE A CHIEF!" answered Gibbs.

Turnip turned to Katy. "He wants a what now?"

Katy sighed. "We have a serious communication problem…" and she repeated what Gibbs had said.

"Oh! SO HE HAD NO CHOICE? HE'S AS MUCH OF A CAPTIVE AS THE REST OF US?"

"Way to state the obvious…" Alex muttered.

"WORSE ACTUALLY AS IT TURNS OUT!" continued Gibbs. "SEE THE PELEGOSTOS BELIEVE THAT JACK AND HAZEL ARE GODS TRAPPED IN HUMAN FORM!"

Will turned to Katy again. "Who's Hazel?"

Katy thumped him. "The one that doesn't have curly hair and who isn't a redhead. You get her from process of elimination."

Will racked his tiny brain. "But the others are boys…"

"The other GIRL you idiot!"

Silence. Then suddenly; "Oh yes! Sorry… it's been a year."

Katy shouted over, "GIBBS, PLEASE CONTINUE BEFORE I BASH HIS SMALL HEAD IN!"

"ANYWAY, THEY INTEND TO RELEASE THEM FROM THEIR FLEASHY PRISONS…"

He paused for dramatic effect. Then "OW!"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Katy asked.

"COTTON BIT GIBBS!" Nick called over.

"WHY?"

"SEARCH US!" Joe belted.

"I THINK IT'S TO EMPHASIS WHAT THEY INTEND TO DO TO JACK AND HAZEL!" Kevin yelled.

"BITE THEM? WHY WOULD THEY BITE THEM?" Will was confuddled.

"NOT BITE THEM…"

"EW!" Katy screeched.

"What are they going to do?" Will asked earnestly.

"Gosh Turnip you're so SLOW. They're going to eat them when the drums stop and we need to rescue them, so use your tiny brain and think up a way that we can get out of here as this is YOUR fault!"

"How is this MY fault? I haven't been here!"

"I'm just so used to blaming you!"

He looked hurt, which made Katy angrier.

"If you don't take that lost puppy look of your face I'm. Going. To. Slap. You. Very. Very. Hard!"

"Well, we can't just sit here and wait then, can we?"

"…What?"

"Swing the cage!" he said randomly.

Katy smirked. "So the leverage theory won't work this time, then?"

"Swing the cage," he repeated sternly.

She raised an eyebrow. _As if._


	4. We Weren't Expecting THAT!

**... We Weren't Expecting THAT!**

Hazel was getting worried. That big pile of wood with the spit over it was starting to look rather threatening.

"Jack… shouldn't we do something?"

"I'm on it," he replied. He stood up and pranced towards the dancing cannibals. "Shut up, hey, OI!" This got their attention. "No, no! More wood!" He started to gesture wildly with his arms. "Big fire, BIG FIRE! I am chief. Want BIIIIIG fire!" The cannibals seemed to understand. He turned to the ones around the throne. "Oi! Aboogie snickle snickle! Toute suit! Come on, more wood!"

They ran off toward the log pile.

Jack moseyed over to Hazel. "Run," he whispered.

Hazel looked at him doubtfully. "That's your master plan?"

"You got a better one?"

Hazel didn't need telling twice.

By the time the cannibals turned around Hazel and Jack were gone.

Jack dashed over the rope bridge followed by Hazel. She was trying very hard not to laugh at his HILARIOUS run. They arrived at a little mini camp type place, Jack twirling as he ran.

"Wow, you'd make a good ballerina," laughed Hazel.

"What?"

"Uh…nothing?" She smiled innocently.

He shrugged and they continued sprinting like maniacs… until they came to a grinding halt at a huge cliff edge, very nearly falling down it.  
Jack picked up a long stick of bamboo. He looked at it, and then over to the other side of the drop. Hmmmmmm…

"Not a chance in hell," said Hazel sceptically, rolling her eyes.

Jack sighed and dropped the bamboo. He ran into a little shack and began to rummage around. Hazel, however, remembering what happened next, hid behind the shack instead of going into it. A few seconds later Jack came back out of the shack, with a rope and a tin of PAPRIKA (yum!) in his hand, and met what seemed to be the entire cannibal population.

"Oh bugger…"

They did NOT look amused. Jack smiled reassuringly, quickly threw away the rope, took the lid of the tin of paprika and started to dap it under his armpits.

"A little seasoning, eh?" he explained.

They seemed to be wondering where the queen was, and asked him some questions in their native language.

Jack struggled to think of something… then came up with the perfect reason to why Hazel had disappeared.

"Inchey poy…uh, say say… SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED!"

It didn't take a genius to work out what he was telling them had happened to her. Hazel thought this explanation seemed a bit far fetched but the natives seemed to buy it. They still weren't very impressed with Jack for running off. Three of them grabbed him and carried him back off to the camp with the rest chanting and dancing around them.

Hazel was left alone.  
She stepped out from behind the shack and looked around. She figured she should try to find the others. Unfortunately, her friends were at the other side of the thousand foot drop in front of her. Crap.  
She looked at the bamboo.

It might be just crazy enough to work…

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

That was the sound coming from the cages as the fools inside flung themselves towards the cliff wall. After two or three attempts the two larger cage members had managed to grab hold of some vines, but the smaller one hadn't even come close.

Joe couldn't resist a dig.

"KATY THAT WAS PATHETIC!" he taunted.

She was outraged.

"THERE'S ONLY TWO OF US! AND ONE OF US IS A TEENAGE GIRL WITH NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH AND THE OTHER ONE'S _TURNIP_!"

Will looked like he might've been offended but he knew she was right.

"AND EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, MR BICEPS!" Katy continued. "YOUR CAGE IS FULL OF BIG MUSCELY MEN!"

"WE HAVE ALEX!" Joe replied.

"HEY!" she exclaimed.

"SHE ISN'T DOING ANYTHING; SHE'S WEAKER THAN I AM!" Katy insisted.

They all looked at Alex, who glared at Joe _very_hard. Now her close friends would know that this was just her 'think of comeback' face but to those who were not familiar it was a demonic 'how shall I cause this person pain' face.

"Oh… I'm... I'm really sorry," Joe wavered. He turned to the crew. "Make it stop!" he whisper/screamed.

Meanwhile, Katy turned to Turnip.

"FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE BE A MAN AND GET US OVER THERE!"

"You need to help me!" he cried, exhausted.

"_As if!"_ thought Katy as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Make me," she said sassily.

Then a strange thing happened. Will leaned in towards her.

"I am truly sorry about this," he said.

"About what?"

"This."

And that was when he kissed Katy….

"I wonder what they're doing," pondered Nick, peering at the cage opposite.

Alex sighed. "Poor Katy. Being stuck with Turnip in a cramped, confined…"

"OH, GOD! NASTY! EWWW!"

Suddenly everybody's ear drums nearly died at a loud, shrill noise. It that sounded like a million cats being strangled and it echoed throughout the valley. Katy was screaming.

"EW, EW, EWWWWWW!"

Screaming a _lot_.

"Gosh, Katy sounds pretty distressed, even for a melodramatic," murmured a worried Alex.

"NO, NO, NO! EWWWWWW!"

"But that's Will screaming too!" Joe remarked. "And he screams like a girl…"

"WILLIAM TURNER, I'M GONNA KILL YOU! ACTUALLY. PHYSICALLY. KILL YOU. DEAD! ARGHHHHH!" Katy shrieked.

Alex and the JoBros looked at each other, deadpan expressions.

"Uh oh," they chorused

"She used Will's actual, real name! Something _must_ be wrong."

"I wonder what he did."

"Oh, look. Their cage is actually starting to swing!"

_-Cut back to Katy and Will –_

They stared at each other for a few seconds, shocked at what they'd just done. The stunned, rather awkward silence was broken by the two of them screaming.

Katy had never been more horrified and humiliated in all her life. She was so angry at him for doing that, and to prevent herself from leaping out of the cage to kill her, she decided violence was the only answer.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO DISGUSTING!" she yelled, grabbing his ponytail, and repeatedly slammed his head against the bones of their enclosure. The sheer force of this caused the cage to swing back and forth and in no time they were within touching distance of the cliff. Katy didn't seem to notice and was too engrossed in bashing his head, so Will finally grabbed hold of some vines. Katy slowly let go of his head.

"Oh…" she realized what she'd done.

"I made you," Will smirk proudly.

Before Katy could protest, she felt people staring. Both her and Will looked around themselves, and found they were being gawked at by _everyone_in the other cage.

"Emmm… awkward…" mumbled Joe uncertainly.

"Katy, what in heaven's name did you doto Will?" questioned Gibbs.

"Nothing. Well…"

"We all saw you!"

"Oh crap," Katy muttered. "So you saw the kiss then…"

"WHAT?" now everybody was_really_ astonished. Including the random 'extras' pirates that nobody knew in the other cage.

"Oh, I guess you were too far away to see _that_then…"

"Just digging yourself into a deeper hole here, Katy!" Will smacked his head, immediately flinching back. "OWWWW!" he shrieked in pain. A large bruise was forming on his forehead where he'd been thwacked.

"Why don't we just climb?" Alex proposed.

"AYE! Put your legs through and start to climb!" yelled Gibbs.

Millions of unanswered questions were still buzzing around, but for now they really needed to get up to the top, on solid ground and rescue Jack and Hazel.

"Come on, men!" exclaimed Will, sounding like a twit. "It'll take all of us to crew the Black Pearl!"

"Way to change the subject…" Katy said to Will quietly.

"Can you blame me?" he hissed angrily.

She lowered her voice. "Don't try to hold me responsible for this! YOU kissed _me_, remember?"

"Please, don't remind me."

"Actually, you won't need everyone. About six would do," interrupted the Indian turbinated pirate.

Suddenly they stopped their mad scramble up the cliff.  
Silence.  
Realization dawned on their faces. The drums had stopped.

"What?" Alex was puzzled.

"No drums."

"So?"

"They're supposed to have killed them when the drums stop…"

"Oh yeah! Right!" Alex looked pleased with herself. Then her expression fell. "Oh."

"Ooooooooooooooh dear!" exclaimed the turbinated pirate.

"HURRY!" shouted Will. And the mad clambering began again.

They got up a good distance before they found yet another reason to stop – a cannibal walking on the rope bridge very close to them.

"STOP! STOP!" Will scream-whispered his orders. Unfortunately, turbinated pirate and co in the other cage ignored him, which is usually the general reaction to Turnip talking, but this time he was actually giving some good advice.

The idiots in that cage grabbed a snake, panicked, and dropped the vines, snapping the rope and falling to their deaths.

Joe looked terrified. "I… I told you the rope was flimsy," he stuttered.

Said cannibal had noticed the remaining two cages. Uh oh.

"MOVE!" yelled Will. They climbed like they'd never climbed before. Well, everyone except Alex as she was 'weak' and Katy, who had 'no upper body strength'. (We all know they just couldn't be bothered).

The other smallish cannibal meanwhile had run back to camp to tell the others of the imminent escape.

They all rushed away leaving Jack where he was… tied to a spit with a fire (that he was desperately trying to extinguish) underneath him.  
"_How in hell did Hazel manage to squirm her way out of this TORTURE?"_ he thought angrily, as he bounced up and down, pathetically attempting to free himself.

The cages had made it onto the cliff and were urgently trying to free themselves from it when the cannibals descended upon them.

"ROLL THE CAGE!" Will shrieked.

Katy screamed. "You wha-ooooooaaaaaah!?!"

The cage started to roll. This plan would've worked out fine… had they not come to a hill. The cages spiralled out of control and kept bumping off each other. Suddenly, Will was catapulted through the largening hole in the side of his and Katy's cage and through another hole in the other one. Quite coincidental. And very comedic.

Katy fell out of the cage and suddenly found herself rolling down the hill without it.

In the other cage:  
"How did WILL fly in here?"  
"Where's Katy?"  
"OWOWOWOWOWOW!"

Katy had managed to get to her feet and was sprinting after the still rolling cage.

Alex through her dizziness somehow yelled "Guys! Out through the holes. We're small enough to fit!"

She and the JoBros got themselves out were they met Katy running along behind them.

Imagine the scene. One big round cage made out of human bones hurtling along with several screaming men inside and with five teenagers dizzily charging along behind them with the entire cannibalistic population running along behind them. Pretty funny image, don't you think?

The cage arrived at a tree which it rolled up and stayed suspended in the air for a few seconds.

For a brief moment the teens looked at the cage rolling up the tree until they realized that what goes up must come back down again.

"Back, BACK!" yelled Kevin who was at the front. The teens had to scramble quickly out of the way to avoid being crushed. The cage crashed to the ground and the men inside stood up.

"LIFT THE CAGE!" they heard a terrified Turnip yelped. The men did so awkwardly and began to run.

"Come on men!" Gibbs yelled. "Lift it like a lady's skirt!"

Alex hadn't thought it was possible to laugh so raucously while running.

The cannibals were gaining fast. Katy glanced back worriedly. This wasn't good. The cage members were so occupied with their lifting AND running that they didn't notice the cliff edge until they were falling off it. They fell screaming, landing with a splash into a gorge.

Alex, Katy, Nick, Kevin and Joe skidded to a halt.

"Now what?" Nick yelled breathlessly, looking back at the rapidly advancing cannibals.

"We jump," said Kevin gravely.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Alex screeched at him. "I'm not jumping down there! I like living- thanks very much!"

"It's jumping or them!" Kevin retorted.

Alex exhaled noisily and moodily. She peered over the edge.

"Ohcrapohcrapohcrap…" she muttered as she jumped.

Joe had turned white.

"I'd rather face them!" he said.

Kevin sighed and shoved him off the edge. Brotherly love, eh?  
Joe fell, screaming loudly. Then Kevin jumped, leaving Nick and Katy on the edge. Nick glanced at Katy. He looked hurt. Before Katy could say anything, he jumped too.  
Katy was left alone. Well as alone as you can get with a heard of angry cannibals behind you.  
There was no way on this earth she was jumping so she turned and sprinted away.  
She got out of the way just in time.

Alex hit the water and gasped at the temperature. She started to swim. Behind her she heard three more splashes although she was swimming too frantically to wonder were the fourth one was.  
The cannibals got out arrows and started to shoot at the people in the water. They scrambled for cover. They gathered on a ledge under the cliff face and waited.

The shooting ceased.

"What happened?" Alex asked uncertainly.

"Not too sure…" replied Gibbs, now free from the cage, looking up.

Suddenly, Joe turned around and shoved Kevin. "NEVER PUSH ME OFF THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AGAIN!"

"Oh yeah. Cause I'm sure we're going to be in that situation again!" Kevin replied sarcastically.

"Maybe we should just go," suggested Nick.

Something in Alex's brain clicked. "Hey, where the flip's Katy?" The posse looked around including the crew.

"She mustn't have jumped," Nick said looking anxious.

"Crap!" said Alex. "Which one of you was the last on the cliff with her?"

Joe and Kevin looked accusatorily at Nick.

"Well, I just assumed she'd jump!" he stuttered.

"Well CLEARLY she didn't. Urgh, Nick!"

There was an apprehensive silence.

Will (of course) was the one to break it. "We really should get back to the_Pearl_."

"Fine, come on, let's go."

And so they made their way back to the ship.

They trekked through the dense jungle, an unhappy silence descending over them.

Meanwhile Hazel was struggling with her pole. She decided she might well kill herself if she attempted any vaulting, so set it down and tried to find another way across to the other cliff. Hmmmmmm.

Just then, what looked like a giant stick came running towards her, screaming. Jack. Partially tied to some bamboo. Fruit on either side of him.

"_You certainly are a yummy shishkebab…"_she thought.

He ran past her, yelling all the way. Then he performed is infamous yet impossible pole vault over the cliff.

"Well done," she congratulated him.

"Thanks, but…"

Of course, he lost his balance and fell down.

"So, how are you?" Hazel called down the canyon-thing once he'd stopped falling.

"Oh, I've been better!" he replied then proceeded to yell some more as the bamboo snapped he fell yet further down.

"Damn gravity," Hazel sighed, and ran to find some stairs… or something.

Meanwhile the rest of the posse had been running through the jungle. When they reached the ship the Will ran forward towards it…and ran smack into something, or someONE.

"OW! Watch it Will, you big goon!" complained a disgruntled Hazel.

"Ah. You're Hazel! I remember now!"

She shot him a confused look. "What happened to your head, Turnip?"

"It's a long story," muttered Alex. "But I think the question is; what happened to _you_?" She gaped at her face paint and queenly attire.

"Well…" began Hazel. "Jack and I were sitting there and I was like 'I'm bored' and he was like 'meh' so I left and I came here and I saw Turnip." She turned to him. "And I saw you talking to the parrot by the way." She smirked.

Will blushed violently.

Hazel continued, "And then I went back to the camp and then they took Will here to be all caged up with you guys and then I couldn't even get a Starbucksso me and Jack ran away and then I _spontaneously combusted,_"she waggled her fingers, "and then they took Jack away and then I POLE VAULTED… ahem. And now I'm here."

"Well, that made no sense whatsoever," murmured Joe.

By this time they had reached the Pearl.

"_Hey someone's missing,"_ Hazel thought. She did a quick headcount.  
_Redhead, check.  
Sideburns, check.  
Curly, check.  
Adorable, check.  
Bushy…_

"Hey where's Katy?" Hazel cried.

"Um…" Kevin started.

"Well…" Joe chimed in.

"She… emm…" Alex hesitated.

"She didn't jump," Nick said quickly.

Hazel raised her eyebrows. "…Ok, what?"

_-Cut back to Katy-_

Katy ran through the dense vegetation. She could hear the cannibals behind her shooting at her friends but she didn't stop. In fact, she didn't stop running until she tripped over something.

"OI!" The thing cried. Hmmm.

She looked at it from her face-down position on the forest floor.

"Jack?"

He was lying on the ground, groaning, with a pole sticking up next to him and smashed fruit lying all around him.

"You look like a broken kebab," Katy remarked, getting up on her feet.

"A broken what?"

"Nothing," Katy sighed.

Alex, Nick, Kevin and Joe stood in a line looking guilty as Hazel paced up and down. She hadn't said anything for several minutes. She walked in front of them, and stopped by Kevin. Suddenly she reached out and slapped him around the head.  
"You," She moved down the line and slapped Alex around the head.  
"Are," She walked over to Joe, and slapped him also.  
"Such," She came to Nick finally and did the same.  
"Idiots!"

"You lost Katy? Have you learnt nothing?" she screamed at them as they rubbed their heads. "She's like a five year old. You cannot leave her on her own! Do you have any idea what could have happened to her? She is either a) running around scared, alone and lost in the jungle, b) running for her life from angry natives, c) tied to a spit somewhere about to be roasted or d) dead!"

Nick looked up quickly. "You don't think… no…"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"But then we gotta go look for her!" he stammered.

"That's a negative Nick," butted in Gibbs. "We've got the ship, we have to go. Plus this jungle's huge. We could search for weeks and still not find her, alive or… otherwise."

Nick gripped his hair.

"This is all my fault!" he cried.

"And what about Jack!" sobbed Will. "I won't leave without him!"

Hazel smirked. "How romantic!"

"You're one to talk…" remarked Alex, rolling her eyes.

Out of the blue the heard a scream.

They all turned towards the noise… and saw Katy sprinting full pelt around the corner of the cliff. They all breathed a sigh of relief.

Soon after her came Jack. More relief sighs.

But after those two, a few hundred angry screaming cannibals.

Turnip gulped. "Time to go!" (I swear, his voice has never sounded so feminine…) Everyone scrambled aboard the ship.

"BuggerBuggerBuggerBugger!" Jack muttered, skipping across the sand.

"CrapCrapCrapCrapCrap!" Katy yelled breathlessly as she ran, swinging her arms around even more wildly than Jack.  
She reached the ship and started to climb. Shortly followed by Jack. He looked back at the cannibals, and couldn't help but show off a bit.

"Alas, my children. This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost-"  
A huge wave came crashing down, saturating him. Cue crazed laughter from certain youths aboard the ship.  
He looked defeated. "Captain Jack Sparrow…" he muttered.

"Poned!" Katy yelled down at him.

When they reached the deck Jack went over to talk to Gibbs. Katy stood panting for a while. Then she turned around. Alex, Kevin, Hazel, Joe and Nick were all staring at her.  
She sighed. It was time to face the music...

* * *

_Hey guys!  
Tis Hazel. I'd like to thank all our reviewers - the story would be nothing without you guys. KEEP REVIEWING!!! WE'LL SEND YOU VIRTUAL HUGS!!!_

_And to:__**"I'll Show You a Sweet Dream" -  
**__OK. I read your review, loving the idea. Laughed for about five minutes. And like you, I assume Katy will kill me... or kill someone... for even suggesting it. This is how the conversation went:_

_Me: So... Katy. You seen the reviews yet?  
Katy: Nope. What did they say? -is excited-  
Me: Emmmm. Weeeeell. Somebody said... somebody said that em. Emmmm....  
Katy: WHAT?  
Me: Somebody said that Will should randomly kiss you because you say 'make me' so suggestively, and then you start bashing his head againt the cage because its so gross, and then the force of that causes the cage to swing and you grab onto the vines and Will's all like 'I made you'. -flinches back for fear of getting smacked-  
Katy: That... that is comic genius!  
Me: You are SERIOUSLY ok with that?  
Katy: LET'S DO IT!!! YAY!!!_

_- Thank you. OH THANK YOU!!!THAAAAANK YOOUU!!! WE FLIPPING LOVE YOU!!! A million cookies for you._

_If anybody else has any 'comic genius' suggestions... let us know!!  
LOVE YOU!!  
xxx _


	5. Will Gets The Chair

**Will Gets The Chair**

Our posse couldn't wait to get their hands on Katy and find out EXACTLY what happened in the cage with Will, and why she attacked him in such a brutal manner so they took the opportunity to slip away into the cabins and have an intervention.

"So Katy," began Hazel, sitting herself down, "a little birdie tells me that you and the Turnip were getting up to no good in your little cage," she teased in a sickly sweet voice.

Katy shuddered at the memory.

"Something about a kiss? What? Tell us precisely what happened!" demanded Alex.

"I really, _really_ don't want to talk about it…" Katy mumbled. "I think I'll throw up if I…"

"So he DID kiss you?" asked Joe.

Katy just shot them all a look that said it all. They were all stunned.

"Oh, good grief, why? Why?"

"But you hate him!"

"That's gross!"

"WHY?"

"HOW?"

Hazel was just barely capable of speech. "This… this doesn't make any sense."

"Exactly!" cried Katy. "I mean he's the noble, honourable one that never, ever does anything, like…" she struggled for the word.

"Out of character?" suggested Kevin.

"Yeah!"

"And this is VERY out of character!"

"Just to clarify -_ he_ kissed _you_, right? Not the other way around?" Nick asked protectively.

Katy stared at Nick. "You seriously think I would do that? I have you. It's like somebody owning tons of gold and going out looking for some MUD to make out with!"

Nick smiled slowly. "Emm… I think that was a compliment…"

Katy hugged him. "You always understand me!"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" came everybody's reaction.

"Why would you make out with gold, never mind mud?" thought Alex out loud.

Eventually, Nick let go of Katy. "But now I need to kick Will's ass." And off he went, along with Joe and Kevin, in search of the Turnip.

Alex looked worried. "You know, their biceps combined together could do some serious damage to that whelp."

"I'm sure Will meant no harm…" contemplated Hazel. "I mean, maybe he just wanted to shut you up real bad, or maybe he really, really needed to find a way to get the cage swinging."

"Even if it meant his him nearly being knocked unconscious?"

"He sure loves Elizabeth. Remember, he has a one track mind. I'm sure he'd do whatever it takes…"

"Oh, stop trying to justify his strangely out-of-character actions! He's a freak!" cried Katy. "And now I want some soap."

"Why?"

"SO THAT I CAN WASH OUT MY MOUTH!" shrieked Katy.

"Is he really that bad?"

"Yep. I don't know how Elizabeth can cope with it," and she went off in search of hygiene.

Hazel raised her eyebrows at Alex. "I go off for a few hours being queen of some cannibal dudes but I could NEVER imagine coming back to hear that Will kissed Katy. I expected something to happen, obviously, but nothing could be more crazy than this."

"It's pretty hilarious though..." admitted Alex.

"No, it's weird."

"You should have heard her reaction. Hilarious. And of all people, it just had to be Katy."

"Of course."

"I'm loving Nick's protective boyfriend thing!"

"Yeah, they're so cute together."

Hazel and Alex pondered this for a while, a small smile on their faces.

"So, how's you and ole' Jack coming along?" Alex interrupted.

"You make it sound like some sort of project."

"Isn't it?"

Hazel sighed, "It's slightly more complicated than that, Alex."

"Over my head is it?"

"No, it's just- well, I've just spent the entire day being chased by cannibals even though they thought I was their queen, I merely escaped roasting on a spit, and I pole vaulted over a large and deep ravine. Can't we discuss it another time?

"I think now's a good time. After all, he did you make you his queen as you say."

"Yes, well…"

"Not any of us."

"But, that's…"

"Which makes me think…"

"Don't even say it…"

"That all your interrupting…"

"Alex, just…"

"Leads me to believe…"

"Oh, for goodness sakes…"

"That you ENJOYED it."

Hazel stared at her. "Of course I did. To begin with. But then I remembered that in being his queen I would be killed by cannibals. Not most enjoyable."

"Well, okay," Alex said annoyingly. "There's just something you're not telling me."

"No… I've told you everything," Hazel said.

"Uh-huh." Alex stood up, "Well I'm off. Leave you to your thoughts. You have much to mull over."

"I haven't really. I don't know why you think…."

But Alex was already out the door.

***

Meanwhile the Jonas Brothers had found Will. He was fiddling with some ropes pretending he was being useful.

"Ok," said Joe nudging Nick. "There he is. Now we have to work out what your strategy is going to be."

Kevin looked worried. "Now remember guys," he said parentally. "Violence isn't the answer. Nick, why don't you just go up to him and say "Will I'm not very happy that you kissed my girlfriend-"

Nick looked exasperated. "I keep telling you she's not my girlfriend!"

Joe nodded sympathetically. "So you haven't reached 'yet', yet?"

"No..." Nick said through gritted teeth and then added sarcastically "But when I do I'll be sure to let you know as I know how INTERESTED in my love life you are."

"Ok, good," nodded Joe patting him on the back, not reading the skepticism in Nick's voice.

"_Anyway!_" Kevin continued marveling at how clueless his brother could be. "Will I'm not very happy that you kissed the girl that I have romantic involvement with but still don't call my girlfriend because technically we haven't actually gone out 'yet' and it's unlikely that we ever will as we're on a ship and there isn't exactly anywhere to take a girl for a date under the current circumstances so I might as well call her my girlfriend but I won't because I'm like that, so she's not my girlfriend I've just kissed her about a million times but not quite 'making out' which is another reason than I don't call her my girlfriend so as you can see I have feelings that are 'boyfriend like' but not quite, as technically we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend for the afore mentioned reasons-"

Nick rolled his eyes

"Kevin, get on with it please."

"Ok fine but you know I'm right..."

"KEVIN!"

"OK! –'and you kissed her which has upset me greatly and I would really like to discuss your motive for doing so, so that we can come to a mutual agreement about what we are going to do about it' and then you could make your feelings clear and maybe persuade him to promise he'll never do it again and then he could apologize to Katy for what he did and we could forget the whole thing..."

He trailed off when he noticed the looks on his brother's faces. They were both staring at him.

"Pssssh yeah, right," scoffed Joe. "Or you could..." He and Nick went into a huddle and whispered to each other.

Kevin sighed. _They should really listen to me _he thought to himself _because if they don't the situation will only digress into irrevocable chaos and will continue to dominate our lives until something bigger happens to..._

His train of thought was interrupted when he saw Nick and Joe going over to Will.

Joe went a bit away and Nick went up to Will. "Will can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked, politely enough.

Will looked scared but left his beloved ropes. "Um...yes...uh...what about?"

Idiot. You kiss a guy's girlfriend and then later when the said guy wants to talk to you, you wonder what about? That's a tough one.

"Will I'm not very happy that you kissed _KATY_..." began Nick glancing behind him at Kevin.

_Oh good_ Kevin thought _he decided to listen to me._

"...and I would really like to discuss your motive for doing so, so that we can-"

He stopped suddenly and punched Will hard in the face.

_...Or maybe not,_ Kevin sighed

Will stumbled backwards clutching his face. As his hands where over his eyes he didn't notice Joe who was standing behind him with a chair, which he promptly smashed over Will's head.

Will fell over.

"Yeah!" he yelled enthusiastically. "How do you like me, NOW?"

The other two JoBros gathered around him and Will.

"Ok calm down Joe!" said Nick putting a hand on his shoulder to stop the crazy dancing he was still doing.

Kevin poked at Will with his foot to make sure he wasn't dead. Will let out a sound that sounded a bit like the noise a cat makes when you drop it from a height.

"Just don't kiss her again, ok?" Nick said to him. "Cause if you do, trust us it won't be us here, it'll be her... so you promise?"

Will let out a muffled high pitched "Nnnnnnnngh" sound still with his hands over his face.

"We'll take that as a yes, then," said Joe high-fiving Nick.

"And hey!" Joe added as they were walking away. "We finally got him back for clubbing her over the head with that paddle, that time, remember?"

Kevin rolled his eyes. Little brothers. "Why did you even join in?" he asked incredulously. "He didn't do anything to you."

"I dunno," Joe shrugged. "Kicks?"

***

_Meanwhile_ meanwhile, Katy had broken into Jack's private cabiny area where there was a small bathroom of sorts and most importantly – a bar of soap.

After ten minutes of ferocious scrubbing and she was sure all traces of Will DNA had been exterminated, she went back out on to deck again where she found Will nursing his nose on the floor.

"Goodth gweeff!" she spat, "Whath happenedth?" She also wondered what had happened to her tongue and soon came to the conclusion that violent scouring of the tongue is sure to leave it somewhat swollen.

Will began to get to his feet, albeit woozily. He shook his head and dabbed his nostrils, checking for blood. Then, noticing Katy, quickly ducked.

Katy stared at the cowering Will. "Whath did Nick do to you?" Will continued to tremble. "Oh geth upp!"

Will straightened up. "Your boyfriend just punched me. And then his brother hit me with a chair!" He pointed to shards of wood which once upon a time might have been a chair.

_Ah yes, the old chair thwa__ck _thought Katy.

"Well, you destherved ith!" sprayed Katy. Will winced, shielding his eyes from the on-coming saliva. "Kisthing poor defenthleth girlths. I have justh spenth the lasth ten minuthes wasthing my mouth outh with soap becausthe of you!"

There was silence as Will looked blankly at her. "Excuse me, what?"

"URGGTH!"

Katy then stomped off, not really knowing where, as long as it was as far away from the pansy turnipy femine fool that was Will Turner.

***

_Meanwhile_ _meanwhile_ meanwhile Alex had just walked out of the cabin and bumped into the Jonas Brothers.

"The chair was just THERE! I couldn't miss a golden opportunity like that- oh, hey Alex," Joe said abruptly.

"Hi," Alex smiled but her face soon fell, "What have you done?"

"Oh well, they only nearly gave Will brain damage but apart from that-" Kevin was cut off with a sharp elbow in the stomach from Joe.

"Well you did," he hissed.

Nick let out a loud laugh. "Always joking, aren't you Kevin?" He put a rough arm around him and hurried him away.

Alex was left eyeing Joe suspiciously.

"Oh don't look so worried!" he said eventually. "Nothing his stiff little noggin couldn't withstand."

Silence

"Pirate-ism has changed you."

Joe laughed at this, a genuine laugh, not an awkward 'she knows too much, hide your fear' laugh.

Alex began laughing too. It was infectious. She then noticed Joe had ceased laughing and was just smiling at her.

"What?" she asked.

"What I said about you in the cage- I don't think you're weak at all. I'm sure you're a …very strong young woman." He wavered.

"Don't lie to me, Joe."

He tried again, "Well, you have a very …strong personality?"

Alex raised her eyebrows.

"Strong teeth?"

"Let's go with that," she smiled.

"JOE!" Jack swaggered into the room, "There you are. Where are your brothers?"

"If this is about Will- we had nothing to do with it!" Joe protested.

"Oh, it's EVERYTHING to do with Will."

Nick and Kevin soon emerged.

"You!" Jack pointed at them, "You hit him with a chair, savvy?" he asked them.

"You hit him with a chair." Alex repeated slowly.

"Well, no, we were only-"

"You should do it more often," Jack continued.

"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed. It wasn't quite the response they thought Jack would give. But then again, Jack is rather unpredictable.

"He's finally shut up about that key! He seems to have gone in to a deep thoughtful mood. Quite odd really." He turned to leave then changed him mind. "Or perhaps not. Probably thinking about Elizabeth." He turned to leave again and nearly broke his neck spinning round for a second time. "By the by, we'll be coming into port at sundown."

There was a blank expression on everyone's faces.

"Soooo, yeah." Jack gave a concise nod.

He finally left the room.

Katy arrived, prodding her tongue. "Oh, hey guysth," she spat. Everyone winced.

"Don't look stho disthgusthted!" she said angrily, "I had my reasthonths."

Alex and the Jonas Brothers just smiled and nodded.


	6. Tia Dalma

**"Tia Dalma" - AKA The Chapter With The TOTALLY IMAGINATIVE Title**

As pleased as Hazel was that Alex had abandoned her to 'mull over' her thoughts, she was exceptionally bored and decided to go through Jack's stuff. After finding absolutely nothing of real interest, except a bar of soap that looked strangely _used, _he burst in on her.

"Hola," she greeted him breezily, quickly sliding a drawer closed.

"_You_ habla español?" Jack asked sceptically.

"Well yes I do." Well, she knew about 10 words. "But that's just how I like to greet people in when I get bored of the English language."

He gave her another 'What the hell?' look. "Alright then. What are you doing here?"

"Well I was talking to Alex but she left me here to do some serious thought mulling."

"I see. And have you been?"

"Not really."

"Your friends attacked poor William. It did shut him up, however."

This hardly surprised her. "Well, of course they attacked him, the idiot did kiss her!"

"He what now?"

"They're not just randomly violent, despite how it looks… most of the time. You did hear the story?"

"Uh, no."

"Well apparently he kissed Katy. To make her angry and swing the cage thing they were stuck in so they could escape. There was some logic in it, so-"

"So he's still in love with Elizabeth right? Because bloody hell, that Katy girl's getting all the men."

"Yes don't worry, Turnip will still do whatever to save his darling one and only, you know he still wants to get your key and save your ass… in theory."

"How do you know about the key?"

Oh crap. "Because… because I just do. I'm well informed about keys and chests and hearts and other such whatnot."

"By who? Who told you?"

"So many questions. Why don't you ask this voodoo witch girl we're going to see up the river? She knows it all."

"Right. And how do you know about Tia Dalma?"

Double crap. She couldn't give up just yet, though. Time to do some serious acting: "Reeeaaaalllllly? That's her _name_? Like her NAME? Hey, I didn't know that one!"

"Yes you did."

It was official, even her drama skills couldn't get her out of the hole she was digging herself into to.

"Why do you know _everything_?" he insisted, genuinely confused.

She knew the answer to this one – feminism. "Because I am a woman, and you are a man, and you being the lesser of the two genders, do in fact, know nothing."

He raised an eyebrow. She remembered it was sometime in the 17th century. Men were considered to be gods, and woman had no rights whatsoever…

Oh, triple crap. She had to leave before she said anything else stupid. "OK, I'm gonna go now. Adios."

"Wait…"

"If it's another question, I'm not listening."

"Why do you-"

"Can't hear you!" She slammed the door, and went in search of her friends. "He's like a two year old!" she grumbled.

"Who is?" asked Alex and Katy, appearing out of nowhere.

"Jack of course," Hazel sighed.

Alex and Katy raised their eyebrows suggestively and grinned at each other.

Hazel stared at them angrily. "And so are you actually." She plonked herself down on a hammock. "Can we talk about something other than my encounters with a squiffy pirate."

"I havthenth' heardth thath wordth sthince thatth thime we readth 'An Insthpector Callsth," mused Katy.

Alex ignored Katy's outburst (which as well as being utterly random was totally incomprehensible) and smiled. "Well we do have some news you may find comedic." She paused for dramatic effect. "Will got hit by a chair. By Joe and Nick. For kissing Katy."

"Oh my."

Thath taughth him a lessthon," sprayed Katy.

"And this is what happened to said victim," added Alex feigning sympathy.

Katy scowled, either in anger with Will or the fact her lisp was noticeable.

"So that's why you're speaking like that?" asked Hazel. "You actually scrubbed out your mouth with-"

There was suddenly a loud banging on the door. Just before any of them could say "Come in" (or in Katy's case 'Geth lostht."), Jack poked his head around the door. He squinted at them. "Right well um, you, you and you come with me," he said. "Captain's orders." he grinned knowingly.

"And you're going to have to row your own boat," Jack called to tham as they headed above deck.

"Oh Crap!" Hazel moaned. "Physical exercise!"

Sure enough, soon after that, everyone found themselves in small boats, travelling upriver through a forest. Said 'river' was absolutely massive and seemed to stretch on forever. Katy, Alex, Hazel, Nick, Joe and Kevin, from this point on will be collectively known as 'our posse', had a boat to themselves.

Everyone, but Katy was taking it in turns to row. Alex eventually noticed this.

"Katy, are you glued to that seat?"

"No…" said Katy, giving her a confused look.

"Oh!" exclaimed Alex feigning surprise. "So you CAN move then?"

"I hopeth you are not impfthlying that I row?"

"Well, yes I was actually…" said Alex, looked stern.

"Can'th," Katy said simply.

"And why not?" Alex asked incredulously.

"I'm crippledth,"

"How are you CRIPPLED?!" Alex asked getting angry.

Katy gestured towards her mouth.

"THE INABBILITY TO SPEAK DOES NOT MAKE YOU CRIPPLED! CRIPPLED IS WHEN YOU ARE PHYSICALLY DAMAGED, WHICH MAY WELL HAPPEN IN THE NEXT FEW SECONDS IF YOU DON'T START ROWING!"

"Well then I'm orally cripplethd…" Katy began, but noticing the expression of pure rage on Alex's face she took an oar off Hazel and started to row.

After that, conversation was the usual, non related 21st century mumbo jumbo that the crew found to be a different language. In another boat, Will decided to do what he's best at – ask stupid questions. They paused to listen to Gibby, who thanks to Will had yet another wonderful story telling opportunity.

"Why is Jack afraid of the open ocean?" Turnip queried.

"Well, if you believe such things, there's a beast that does the bidding of Davy Jones; a fearsome creature with giant tentacles that'll suction your face clean off…" Cue scary hand gestures. "And drag and entire ship down to the crushing darkness." He paused for dramatic effect. "The Kraken."

"Gibbs is immense at dictating narratives," announced Alex, trying to sound smart.

Katy stared at her hard.

"Do you likkke read tha dicthionary?" she asked bewilderedly.

"What's your point?" asked Alex.

"They say the stench of its breathe is like... Imagine the last thing you know on God's green earth is the roar of the kraken and the reeking odour of a thousand rotting corpses."

"Writer's really went over the top there," Hazel commented.

"If you believe such things." Gibbs shrugged off his tale.

"And the key will spare him that?" Will asked. Again.

"How has Gibbs not hit him yet?"

"Because he's been hit so much lately, it would just be child abuse." Alex glared at Katy.

"Well, that's the very question Jack wants answered," Gibbs replied. "Bad enough even to go visit… _her_."

"Her?"

"For goodness sakes, Will. You'll get the answer soon enough!"

"I just wanted to…"

"Did you the average two-year old asks four hundred questions a day?" Her voice was shrill. "The average Turnip must ask at least twice as many."

-long pause-

"You've been complaining a lot about two year olds lately, Hazel."

"Well I babysat one from hell the other week, and when I left the house, I thought I'd finally escaped small children. I was wrong."

Cue another long silence. But they were drawing closer…

"Ooh look. A shack!" cried Joe.

Indeed there was. Finally. Jack stepped off the boat onto a little mini dock thing as soon as they were close enough. The posse mimicked this.

"No worries, mates. Tia Dalma and I go way back." Jack began, as they tied up their boat. "Thick as thieves. Nigh inseparable, are." His face dropped. "Were. Have been. Before…"

Not hinting at anything _at all._

"I'll watch your back," Gibbs said.

"It's me front I'm worried about… Oi!" He looked at the posse, who were standing there, waiting, tapping their feet and looking at their imaginary watches. He was not pleased. "Go mind your boat." In other words, 'wait outside'.

"This is like, kind of a key scene."

"And we're so not missing it!"

"Eh?"

"We're going in. Deal with it."

"Well, I'm going in _first_," he spat, pushing past them.

They ended up following the rest of the crew in. _Last._ As their eyes adjusted to the low light, they noticed an array of strange creatures in bottles in jars, hanging from the ceiling. It was truly bizarre.

They heard Tia Dalma talking to Will.

"You… you have a look of destiny about you… William Turner." She was studying his face.

"You know me?" Will asked.

"You want to know me," she riddled, playing with his beard. Ew.

She suddenly looked past him and saw the six young girls and guys lingering at the door. "You…" she started walking towards them. "All of you. You're not from this world, are you?"

They stared at her, astounded. "Well… no," Alex mumbled.

"How were you brought here?"

"Emm… mysterious forces," tried Kevin, waggling his fingers, trying to sound knowledgeable.

She was still watching them intently, almost like she was gathering information.

"Ahh. I see. From the future, no?"

"Yes." They all nodded, shocked that she knew this.

Jack was gaping. "The future? First krakens and now visitors from the future? Bloody preposterous!"

"Jack," Katy began, and then. "Hey my lisp's gone!"

'Our posse', not to mention the rest of the crew, breathed a sigh of relief and all shifted closer to her.

"Anyway, remember I wouldn't tell you where we came from because you wouldn't believe us?"

"Aye."

"Well this is why."

"Balderdash," he retorted.

"Believe it or not, it's true. They is here for a reason…" Tia said.

Hazel sighed. "We're here because we were fighting over the remote."

"For a reason!" demanded Tia. "Tell me… you once found yourselves fading away… before?"

"Yes, actually we did but… Now hang on, just how in the heck do you KNOW this?" Katy asked.

She ignored Katy's outburst. "That time will come again… it will take longer but it will come again," she said curiously. "With heartbreak…"

"Ahh. OK. The credits of the second movie…" Alex was thoughtful.

"Okay. So we'll go and fade away back home when it's all over. We know," clarified Katy.

"I can offer you a way staying." Tia looked devious.

"Staying here?" Nick cried.

"Give us some time to think about that…" Joe muttered.

Gibbs randomly popped into view. "Capn'! I think we might be going slightly off topic?"

Jack looked intrigued by their situation, but remembered his own mess. "Yes." He turned to Tia Dalma and ushered her to the table. "We've come for your help and we're not leaving without it."

"What service may I do you?" She said flirtingly to Will. She seemed to like him. Seeing this, Alex, Hazel, and especially Katy had never wanted to throw up so much.

"You know I demand payment!" Tia said suddenly.

"I brought payment," Jack exclaimed brightly, taking a cage from Pintel's hand. He removed the piece of cloth covering it, revealing Jack the monkey.

"Look," Jack cried, pulling out his gun and shooting it. "An undead monkey!"

Katy decided she was feeling a little overdramatic today. "DON'TSHOOTHIMDON'TSHOOTHIMDON'TSHOOTHIMDON'TSHOOTHIM DON'TSHOOTHIM!" she cried, horrified.

Jack did shoot him. Alex and Hazel restrained their friend.

The hideous creature screeched loudly. Tia took the cage and opened the door to the cage and let it free. "The payment is fair," she said flatly.

Gibbs looked pained. "You've no idea how long it took us to catch that…"

Continuing with the matter in hand, Will produced the bit of cloth with the drawing of the key. "We're looking for this."

"The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?" Tia asked Jack, almost angrily.

Jack just looked sheepish. "Maybe… why?"

"Ahhh," she looked knowing. "Jack Sparrow does not know what he wants."

Alex elbowed Hazel discreetly. "Obviously talking about you," she whispered in her ear. "Pshyeah," hissed Hazel, rolling her eyes.

"Or do you know, but are loathe to claim it as your own?" Tia continued, grinning at him.

Jack cringed and said nothing. Alex continued to nudge Hazel.

"Stop. That." Hazel threateningly mouthed to her.

"Your key go to a chest. And it's what lay inside the chest you seek. Don't it?"

"What is inside?" asked Gibbs.

"Gold?"

"Jewels?"

"Unclaimed properties of a valuable nature?"

"Chocolate?" asked Nick innocently. They all stared at him.

"Said the diabetic!" cried Alex.

"But I really miss it," he looked sad.

"I know…." Hazel patted him on the back. "It's hard." A fellow chocoholic, she was also having problems with the lack of it.

Tia Dalma decided to put an end to the guessing game. "You know of… Davy Jones, yes? A man of the sea, a great sailor. Till he run afoul of that which vex all men."

"What vexes all men?" asked Will dumbly.

"What indeed?" Tia said, stroking Will's hand.

_Honestly, what does she see in him? _

"Well, the sea," Gibbs said.

"Sums." Pintel was stupid.

"The dichotomy of good and evil!" cried Ragetti.

"When you're on stage and you're in the middle of an awesome guitar solo and then one of your strings breaks? That's never actually happened to me but…" Nick trailed off.

"When your Xbox breaks and you can't play guitar hero?" put in Kevin.

"Lack of hair product!" sniveled Joe.

Jack rolled his eyes. "A woman," he stated, shutting them up.

Tia nodded. "A woman. He fell in love."

"No, no, no, no, I heard it was the _sea_ he fell in love with." Gibbs was certain.

"Same story, different versions, and all are true! It was a woman as changing, harsh, and untameable as the sea." She gestured to herself. "Him never stop loving her. But the pain it cause him was too much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die."

Katy nudged her friends. "Ok, this is when Will goes all American!"

"What…" started Will. "…exactly did he put into the chest?" his accent suddenly went very American.

"Did you hear it?" Katy exclaimed.

"His accents are so flawed," criticized Alex.

"Him heart," Tia Dalma answered Will's question.

"Well, that was a roundabout way of getting to the answer," Hazel observed.

"Literally, or figuratively?"

"He couldn't literally put his heart in a chest. Could he?"

"It was not worth feeling what small, fleeting joy life brings, and so him carve out him heart, lock it away in a chest, and hide the chest from the world. The key, he keep with him at all times," Tia finished.

Will stood up to face Jack, but hit his head on the swinging bottle instead, and was knocked back to his chair. He blinked.

Jack smirked. "Care to try again, William?"

Will sat up, being extremely cautious of the swinging object this time, and glared at Jack.

"You knew this," it was a statement, rather than a question. He realized that Jack had made a deal based on more information than he'd been willing to reveal.

"I did not. I didn't know where the key was… but now we do. So all that's left is to climb aboard the Flying Dutchman, grab the key, you go back to Port Royal and save your bonnie lass, eh?" he turned towards the door.

Tia Dalma stood up. "Let me see your hand!"

Jack hesitated and reluctantly gave her his left hand. She unwrapped the piece of material covering it, revealing the black spot.

Gasp!

"Black Spot!" cried Gibbs, turning around in a circle and then spiting. Pintel and Regetti imitated him. O…k…

"Should we do that as well?" asked Joe.

"No," Alex

"My eyesight's good as ever, just so you know," said Jack, grinning.

Tia disappeared into a back room, mumbling to herself and rummaging for something. They heard bottles clattering and smashing. Jack pocketed a ring sitting on the table.

"You shouldn't do that," Hazel sighed.

"Pirate!" he said, obviously.

Just then, she appeared again, holding the infamous jar…

"Davy Jones cannot make port, cannot step on land but once every ten years. Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow, so you will carry land with you," she offered him the large jar.

Jack was looking at Tia with an expression that seemed to say, "What the hell?" He took the jar, looked at it, then back at Tia. Still baffled.

Long pause.

"Dirt," said Jack slowly. "This is a jar of dirt."

"Yes," Tia nodded.

He was sceptical. "Is the… jar of dirt going to help?"

"If you don't want it, give it back."

"No!" Jack cried, clutching it possessively.

"Then it helps."

Hazel smirked. She loved that part.

Will sighed. He had enough of this nonsense. "It seems we have a need to find the Flying Dutchman," he said.

Tia smiled, sat down and grabbed her crab claws. "A touch… of destiny!" She threw them down on the desk.

Apparently they had a heading.

_One last thing._

_To "moe"._ _YOU ROCK! We laughed a lot when we read your comment_

_To "_EowynsPen" _YOU ALSO ROCK, Even though you burst our bubble with the "You'll be second not first"_

_We will definitely be using most of, if not ALL of your ideas. THANK YOU! Keep them coming in!_


	7. Valentines Day

_Hello dear readers!!__  
It was our 1 year anniversary the day we posted this chapter and we couldn't be HAPPIER! Yes, we are strange – we do actually celebrate stuff like this. But like, wow. Exactly 1 year ago we posted the very first chapter of our first story that started EVERYTHING!  
In that time, we've been absolutely overwhelmed with good feedback, people have also been so patient with us, so thank you to all the people who read this, and especially our reviewers :)_

_So... we've decided on an anniversary present… from US to YOU._

_Four brand new chapters – two posted for you to read TODAY and two for you to read TOMORROW!  
So get reading – starting with this uber long one! Please let us know what you think!_

_Thanks for a great year,  
Katy, Alex and Hazel.  
Xxx_

_***_

**Valentine's Day… oh, the romance!**

"Hey, Jack."

Jack spun round. Sigh. It's that curious, curly haired boy again.

"What is it now? I already told you. Today's date is the fourteenth of Feb-"

"Yes, I know." Nick smiled. Valentines Day - perfect. "This time it's a request."

Jack sighed. "What?"

"Can we just stay here tonight?"

"…Eh?"

"Well, Tia whatsherface is letting me rent out a shack nearby for the night and-"

"Rent out a shack?" Jack's tone was incredulous.

Nick nodded surely. "For all of us. And I would appreciate it if you didn't sail off and leave us."

"And whom might 'us' be?"

"You know; my friends."

"Who exactly?"

"The usual suspects."

"Ah. Right."

"So…?"

"Fine then. If you want to come, just get back on the ship tomorrow morning. It'll be anchored just offshore."

"Thanks."

"Now… why do you need a shack?"

But Nick was already gone.

***

"BUT I MISS THE LAND!" cried Alex, clinging to the dock.

"We have to go now."

"C'mon!" Katy and Hazel were desperately attempting to get her into the boat.

"Hey guys!" Nick arrived, cheerful.

"Where have you been?" Katy demanded.

"Yeah! Help us! Alex won't leave."

Alex screamed some more and they pulled her into the boat. Well, tried.

"Nobody's leaving tonight," said Nick calmly.

"YAAY!" Alex ran and hugged him.

"What?" Katy and Hazel questioned in unison.

"I'll explain later… we're staying in there," Nick pointed to a shack. "That means you guys too!" he called to Joe and Kevin. They were sitting on the edge of the dock, swinging their legs over the water. Gibbs was teaching them how to tie different types of nautical knots with some spare rope.

"Yeah… okay." Joe barely heard. He was too interested in perfecting his Bowline.

"Whatever," mumbled Kevin, who was trying out a Reef Knot.

"Emm… Gibbs?" called Nick.

"Aye?" replied Gibby, without taking his eyes off the rope.

"Can you come and help me with something?"

"Aye." Gibbs stood up obediently, but his critical eye spotted something before he could leave. "Joe, your Clove Hitch needs to be a bit tighter."

"But I worked so hard on it!" Joe cried, childishly.

"Completely adorable," thought Alex.

"It's fine, lad." Gibbs ruffled his hair. "Just a little tighter. That one wouldn't hold much weight."

"All right…" Joe muttered, trying again. Gibbs finally left.

"Emm… let's talk over here," Nick said.

And off they went.

"Hey, what's up with Nick?" asked Kevin. "He's acting a bit strange."

"I don't know, but the important thing is that WE'RE STAYING ON DRY LAND TONIGHT!" exclaimed a grinning Alex.

Katy sighed. "Well, I'm bored now."

"Yes. And confused," mused Hazel.

Joe decided to put on his trademark Gansta voice. (see their 'Jonas Brothers 1 week' Youtube video for an idea of how this sounds. It's the one with the neck pillow and Cornpops…)

He cleared his throat. "LEMME TEACH YA MY NEWLAY ACQIIRED MAD ROPE KNOT-TING SKILLLLLLZ!"

The girls exchanged looks.

"Suppose there's nothing better to do…" murmured Alex, sitting down beside him.

Once Joe's voice had given Hazel a headache, (along with the complicated knots he was teaching), she decided to go and see what was so great about this 'shack'. Not that she was fussy - as long as it wasn't as creepy as Tia Dalma's. And a night not spent on a ship that constantly rocked would be a welcome change…  
She opened the door, and stepped inside to a cozy, log-cabin type room, with a comfy looking sofa, open fire…

"Hazel. Good!"

She turned around. Nick was standing there with a big grin on his face.

"Oh, hey you," Hazel said. "Why do you keep disappearing? And why do you look so happy? Are you… are you on drugs?" She was kidding, but it could be a possibility with the way he was acting.

He laughed. "Listen. I need to tell you something. And it's not that I'm on drugs."

"Good to know. What is it?"

"Well… guess what the date is!"

"I haven't a clue, Nick, why is-"

"It's Valentine's Day!" he beamed.

Hazel couldn't help but smile. "Awwwww. Well that's cute. How did you find that one out?"

"I asked Jack what date it was, I was just wondering. But then I had this idea, you know, for me and Katy."

"Ah. The romantic shack. Or should I say luxury cabin!" She gestured to it. "But Nick, I'm not sure we all want to watch-"

"No! With Gibbs' help, dear love him, I've set up a… a surprise for her. In the woods."

"Awww!"

"And I just figured if we stayed here for the night, close by, then it would save a three hour journey in a boat up and down the river."

"Makes sense."

"And, well… I want Joe and Kevin to be here for moral support. And I thought you and Alex could…"

"Help Katy get ready and generally be all girly?"

"And maybe be some company for my brothers."

"No problem."

"Thanks… there's just one last thing, Hazel."

"Yeah?"

"Send Katy in here. I want to officially… ask her out."

Hazel grinned. "You are so sweet!"

Nick looked embarrassed.

"Sorry… it's true though. I'll go send her in. And tell everyone else that you're not on drugs."

"Thanks."

***

"AND THIS IS HOW WE TIE A SHEEPSHANK KNOT, BOYZ!" Joe was still doing that voice.

"Katy, Nick wants you," Hazel called, loudly.

"THA MOST COMPLICATED OF KNOTS! IT REQUIRES ONLAY THA MADDEST SKILLZZZ!" He was in his element.

"Katy!" Hazel tried again. Louder.

"YA MAY FIND THAT THIS PARTICULAR KNOT CAN BE LEARNED IN A RAP, WHICH I PREE-PARED EARLIA!"

Joe was sooo loud. She needed to yell. "KAAAAAATAAAY!"

Finally, she turned around. "Yeah?"

"Nick wants you."

"Aww… Joe was about to rap!"

"DONCHA WORRAY! I'LL SAVE IT FO LAT-" Suddenly, Joe had a coughing fit. "Woah… that really hurts your voice after a while," he croaked.

Katy abandoned her bit of rope and skipped away.

"Hey… guys? Nick has a big surprise for Katy," Hazel announced, once she was out of sight. "He found out that today's Valentine's Day and-"

"It is? Awww man," Kevin was crushed. "And we're stuck here."

"Yeah, well, he's going to ask her out, and take her into the forest or something. He has some thing prepared, apparently."

"Katy's so lucky…" murmured Alex.

"That is so Nick," Joe sighed.

"And that's the thing with the shack. He wants all of us around for moral support. So don't say anything to Katy! All he's doing now is asking her if he can take her out tonight. But the thing he's planned, it's a surprise."

"Okay." They all nodded.

"So… that's it. Now what the flip is a Sheepshank, Joe?"

***

Katy bounded into the shack. She was amazed – it was beautiful inside. "Nick? What's going on?"

"Hey!" He appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey. I missed you!" she went to hug him and he pulled her into a kiss.

"What was that for?" Katy smiled.

"I hope you're not complaining…"

"Of course not."

"Good." He kissed her again. "Now… I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Will you go out with me tonight?" he asked earnestly.

Katy smiled again. "You shouldn't have to ask me that."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes! But Nick…"

"Oh, no. What?" He was expecting the worst.

"Umm… where can we go? It's like, a jungle."

Nick grinned. "It's a surprise."

"Really?" Katy was intrigued.

"Yes. I'll come here and get you at eight."

"I am so excited for this…"

"Great. I'll see you later."

"You're going now?"

"I need to… make a few more preparations. It has to be perfect."

He kissed her on the forehead, and then he was gone.

Katy sat down on the couch and wondered what on earth he could be doing. She checked the time on a handy grandfather clock (that just happened to be there).

Oh, no. Her happy expression dropped.

She only had one hour, forty seven minutes, and thirteen seconds to get ready. Only.

"HAZEL! ALEX! GET ME SOME MAKE-UP. NOW!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

***

"How long does she take to get ready?" Alex sighed.

"Yeah, and Nick should be here by now!" Hazel pointed out.

The two girls were lounging out on the soft rug in front of the fire in their room as Katy bustled around in the bathroom, dolling herself up. There came the occasional worried groan from within.

"Alex?" asked Hazel.

"Yeah?"

"Did Jack and the others leave for the ship already?"

"Yep."

"Oh… I was just wondering."

Alex sighed. "Don't worry, I don't have a date for Valentine's either."

"But you-"

A knock at the door interrupted her. Something smashed inside the bathroom and Alex and Hazel grinned as they went to the door.

"Hi," Hazel greeted him. "Come on in."

Nick nervously stepped into the room and sat down.

"So, are you finally going to tell us what have you got planned for tonight?" Hazel asked conversationally.

"Well," Nick smiled. "I don't want to spoil it but hopefully she'll really like it."

"And what time do you plan on coming back at?" Alex questioned, a bit more interrogatingly.

"Um…" Nick wasn't prepared to use the 'in-law' speech just yet. Not for Alex anyway.

Suddenly, Katy stumbled out the bathroom. She straightened herself and then locked eyes with Nick and smiled. He stood up as she walked towards him, but the moment was cut short whenever Katy veered and banged into a wall. Alex and Hazel rushed to cover this up.

Nick was appalled. "Is she okay? What just happened?"

Alex and Hazel smiled sweetly. "She goes blind when she zones out," explained Hazel.

"I hope you can handle that," Alex said protectively.

Nick looked worried as Katy scuffled to her feet. She smiled again, obviously embarrassed. Alex and Hazel suppressed laughter.

"You kids have fun, now." Hazel nudged Katy forward.

Nick took her hand. "I hope you like it."

"I just want to know what it is!" Katy beamed.

"She better like it," Alex gritted her teeth. "She's the only one that gets to go out on Valen-"

"Shush," Hazel hissed, elbowing Alex in the ribs. "Bye now."

"See you later," Nick replied. Alex raised her eyebrows. "Not too late," he ensured her.

"Bye!" Katy squealed, close to jumping up and down like an excited child.

"Have fun," Hazel smiled.

"Bring her back in one piece, Nick…" warned Alex.

"Will do!" he called. "Oh, Joe and Kevin are downstairs… and bored stiff."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be down soon," Alex said flippantly. "Bye!"

Nick closed the door behind them.

There was silence.

"Shall we go downstairs?" Hazel suggested, breezily.

"Maybe later," muttered Alex.

"Why not now?"

Alex said nothing. Hazel was sick of her behavior; she needed Alex to admit something…

"So, what is the matter with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just be happy for them! Or at least, just-"

"I am!" Alex cut her off. "Of course I'm happy for them!"

"Well what's with all the snide comments?"

"Like what?"

"You know exactly."

Alex stared at her. "I'm happy for Katy, okay? They're great together. It's great she gets to go out and-"

"Ahhh. I see." Hazel grinned. "Methinks the green-eyed lady doth protest too much…"

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm jealous?"

"I think that you think that I think you are trying to tell me that you are jealous, when in fact you think that you are not," Hazel said knowingly.

"…What?" Alex's brain was melting.

"To summarize, you're jealous. There. Acceptance it is the first step," smiled Hazel.

"I'm not that jealous, okay? I just…" Alex trailed off.

"You just what?"

"Nothing. It's noth-"

"You like Joe?"

"What?"

"Wish that was you and Joe out on a date?"

"No."

"Want Joe?"

"No!"

"_Need_ Joe?"

"Stop it!"

"You fancy Joe."

"Hazel, shut-"

"Alex. ADMIT THE DAMN TRUTH!" she shook her violently by the shoulders.

Alex couldn't take it anymore. She feared for her life. "FINE! I LIKE JOE! CAN YOU STOP INTERROGATING ME NOW?"

Hazel breathed deeply to calm herself, let go of Alex and sat down, putting her feet up on the table. "Well that was interesting," she said in satisfaction, grinning.  
Alex had her hand over her mouth. "Crap," she mumbled.

"I was about to bang your head against the wall there. You're a tough nut to crack…"

"You sicken me."

"You love me, really."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I do have to admit, you are good at the interrogating thing."

"Thanks. It comes in handy."

"I'm sure."

"…So?" asked Hazel.

"So what?"

"So let's talk about this."

"Hahaha… no!" Alex was mortified.

"Fine, I'll talk. It's not like it wasn't obvious from the start. Personally, I think you should go for it, because-"

"Woah, hold on. I don't think so," Alex shook her head.

"Hear me out, woman! When are you ever going to get another opportunity like this? Eh? No competition, no press, no Big Rob, no Atlantic Ocean in the way…"

"I get your point."

"So go for it."

"What, now?"

"Well, I know you like to be subtle about these things, so just when the time's right. Now, let's go downstairs."

"Great. That won't be awkward at all, thanks to this little conversation," Alex said sarcastically.

"Oh, c'mon. Chillax." Hazel patted her on the back. "Now… we'll need a high-fi system and a smoothie maker."

"What? Why?"

"The only two things you need for a good party!" Hazel giggled.

"You do know that they're probably not invented yet."

"Oh, well. I forget these things sometimes. Now, let's go."

"In a minute!"

"It won't be any easier in a minute than it is now! Let's go." And with that Hazel dragged her out the door, and down the stairs.

***

It was their first date… and Katy was confused. They'd been trekking through the jungle in the dark for a good ten minutes. The small lantern he'd given her was only good for seeing a few inches in front of her face. She had no idea where her feet were going, and she knew that she would trip over something any second now. She was also pretty sure there was a leaf, or a small branch in her hair. And something was crawling on her arm…

"Where the flip are you taking me?" She asked, brushing the insect off her arm, the slightest hint of irritation in her voice.

"Trust me, Katy."

"Or is this hiking your idea of romance? Because I'm not really much of a walker. In fact, I think that I'm getting a stitch…"

"Have you eaten?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Em, no. Come to think of it, I'm starving. Look, Nick-"

"Perfect."

"Nick, I don't think there's a restur-" Katy gasped as Nick pushed back the final branch for her. Instead of seeing the usual pitch blackness of the jungle, which quite frankly terrified her, Katy saw a huge clearing, lit up by hundreds of candles. There was a rug and a picnic hamper full of food.

He was watching her reaction, smiling away. She couldn't stop staring at it. It must have taken him ages…

"It's so beautiful," she said softly as she hugged him.

"So you like it? It's only a picnic, and I couldn't-"

"Stop worrying. I love it!" She set down the lantern and ran into the middle of the meadow, admiring all his hard work. "Nick… I just love it."

"I'm glad," he walked over to the hamper. "Wine?"

"I can't _believe _you got wine! What are you like?" she laughed.

"It had to be perfect for you."

"But we are underage."

"Technically, we're not… here, anyway," he grinned.

***

Back at the ranch (or should we say shack) Alex and Hazel were playing charades. And 45 minutes of playing charades between two people is not very exciting. At least it cleared the awkwardness.  
"Train… speck? Spot. Spotty. SPOTTER! TRAINSPOTTER!"

"You know, calling someone a trainspotter can be quite offensive," said Joe as he glided through the door. He and Kevin had brought in a large array of ropes.

"Oh crap," Alex mumbled.

"You'll love it," assured Kevin as he tossed one and it landed in her lap.

Hazel fingered one disapprovingly. "This is so lame. I'd rather be watching 90210."

Alex gasped, "How dare you!"

Hazel ignored this and turned to the two brothers. "So any ideas on where Nick has taken Katy?"

"Nope," Joe shrugged.

"Well," began Kevin. "I did see him running around with a bottle of wine earlier. I asked him about it, but he didn't say what it was for."

Alex and Hazel's expressions suddenly became horrified. "What? Wine?"

"As in… alcohol?"

The girls stared at each other. "Crap!" they cried in unison.

"So Katy and alcoholic beverages don't mix?" Kevin asked cautiously.

"What do you think?" replied Hazel. "But wine shouldn't be too bad, though."

"Yeah. That rum we had before was like, 99% alcohol," said Alex.

"Lethal," agreed Hazel.

"Just out of interest, what is Katy like drunk?" asked Joe.

"Umm… she's interesting."

"Altogether crazy!" Alex said.

"Well, excuse me, little Miss Perfect," started Hazel. "But I do remember a certain occasion where you got quite… intoxicated."

"Haha! Me? Lies," Alex smiled sweetly, but elbowed Hazel sharply. "_Don't_ tell that story…" she hissed angrily.

Hazel grinned. "Oh, so you don't remember passing out on Will that time? And you sang the-"

"Shut up!" Alex cut off Hazel by once again elbowing her. Harder.

Joe leaned forward. "Really? I would love to hear all about it."

"Yeah, sounds interesting…" Kevin joined in the humiliation of Alex.

"Oh, I'll be glad to tell you all about it!" Hazel exclaimed, rubbing her arm. She'd have a bruise there tomorrow from Alex's pointy elbow.

"I don't think we need to hear this," Alex insisted, looking very uncomfortable. "Why don't we tie some ropes? Yeah, way more thrilling!"

Joe smiled. "If you really want to protect your reputation that much, then okay…"

"My reputation?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, as the good girl, right? But I'm sure as I get to know you better, we'll see that's not entirely true."

Hazel and Kevin exchanged looks.

"Ahem…" There was much fidgeting and loosening of collars.

"Well I'm going to get a glass of water…" Hazel murmured, walking towards the kitchen.

"Yeah… same." Kevin followed her.

They closed the door behind them.

"Gosh," Hazel breathed. "Getting hot in there…"

"Chemistry much?" Kevin grinned.

"I know. I just got her to admit that she liked him not so long ago."

"Really?"

"Yeah, in our room earlier. As it turns out, I have a knack for getting the truth out of people…"

"Clearly. Joe hasn't said anything. Joe wouldn't… but I know," Kevin beamed.

"Ah, young love."

"So…"

"So?"

Kevin hesitated before asking a familiar question. "How are you and Jack coming along?"

Hazel smacked her forehead. "It isn't. That question's just becoming commonplace…"

"The best of luck with it."

"Thanks. Now, I'll kill the next person who asks me that, just to warn you."

"Consider me warned."

Hazel took a drink of water. She paused. Wondered if her new interrogation skills could work on anyone….

"Hey, Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"So… how's your body image working out for you?"

"Sorry?"

"Is it good?"

He looked scared. "Ummm… alright, why-"

"Are you truly happy?"

"Yeah."

"Ya sure?"

"Hazel-"

"What about facial hair?"

"What?"

"Are you fulfilled with your physical appearance?"

"_What?"_

"Do you seriously like them?"

"Who?"

"Do ya? Do ya?"

"I don't know…"

"Come on! You know what I'm talking about!"

"YES! FINE! I LIKE MY SIDEBURNS! I'M THE OLDEST AND THEY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MAN!" Kevin cried, then looked shocked.

Hazel grinned. "I am loving my new talent."

"… What was _that,_ Hazel? And did I just say that? Out loud?"

"Uh huh. Nice. My knack for getting the truth out of people works on you too. It's good fun."

"I see."

"Sorry."

"It's alright…"

"Anyway!" she said cheerfully. "We should get back to those two now."

"And do what, tie knots?"

"Or you know, just talk about..."

"Recent events and life in general?"

"For sure. Maybe not swapping embarrassing stories, though." "We know where that'll lead."

Hazel nodded. "Let's go."

***

Katy and Nick lay there, stuffed. It was so beautiful with the candles, and the stars… (Are you gagging at the cheese, readers? I know I am.) They did have a little bit of the wine, but then decided it wouldn't be a good idea to make their way home through the death jungle under the influence of alcohol.

"Katy?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you staring at my head?"

"Did you know that your hair is curly in all the right places?"

Oh, how romantic their conversations were.

"Um… okay." Nick didn't really know how to react.

Katy knew he was confused. "That was a compliment, incase you were wondering."

"I was wondering. Thank you. So is yours," he said, playing with it.

"Awww thanks. But it's not. I need straighteners. Badly."

"Don't straighten it!"

"But it's all frizzy and horrible and-"

"Shhh, babe. It's perfect."

Katy burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"What?" asked Nick, not getting it.

"You just said "babe"!" she laughed.

"So?" he asked bewildered.

"It's just...such a jock thing to say! And you're no jock, trust me,"

"...Is that a good thing?" he asked tentatively.

"Most definitely. And, anyway it's not like I'm going to. There's no electricity for a start."

"You can get battery powered. Joe is attached to his when we're on the road."

"I'm sure. He always goes on about his hair. I like the way you just let it do its own thing," Katy started playing with some curls.

They spent a lot of the time just gazing into each others eyes… loosing track of time…

***

"Marco." He took a few steps.

Silence.

"_Marco?"_ He walked in the other direction.

More silence.

"MARCO!" Joe yelled at the top of his lungs.

Yet more silence.

He pulled off the piece of material covering his eyes. Kevin, Alex and Hazel were standing right beside him. They burst out in simultaneous laughter.

Joe sighed. "You know, you have to say 'polo' back to me. That's cheating!"

"Really? I never understood this game anyway," said Alex.

"It is hilarious to watch you walk around yelling 'Marco' to yourself for a good ten minutes," laughed Hazel.

"Hey! It wasn't ten minutes!" Joe defended himself.

"Yeah, you're right." Kevin put an arm around him.

"At least my brother believes me," Joe smiled.

"Dude, it was more like _twenty_ minutes before you caught on…"

"Shut up!" Joe whined, slapping his hand away.

So far, they'd played 'I Spy', 'Hide and Seek', 'Tag', 'Duck, Duck, Goose', and now 'Marco Polo', (after arguing over whether or not you needed a swimming pool to play that). It was the teenage party of the century.

"I want guitar hero…" complained Kevin.

"This is so dull."

"Lame."

"Blah."

And more general grumbling.

"Hey… guys?" Joe pointed to the clock. Ten past midnight.

"THEY'RE NOT BACK YET?" Alex cried. "I swear… I will_ kill_ Nick!" Joe and Kevin raised their eyebrows.

"Let's not be irrational, I'm sure they're on their way," Kevin said, trying to calm things down.

"Why didn't we give them a curfew, Hazel? Why? Why didn't we do that?"

"Umm… because, Alex, we're not their parents. Strange as it may seem."

"Past midnight is just not good enough!"

"Somebody's protective," mumbled Joe.

"Enough out of you, young man!" Alex commanded.

"Yeah, Joe… she'll be saying it's past your bedtime next!" joked Hazel.

"And you haven't cleaned your teeth yet!" he teased.

"Shock, horror! It's the naughty step for me…" Hazel stopped when she saw Alex's facial expression. It seemed to say: Stop that or I will hurt you.

"Why don't we all just go to bed… they'll be back soon." Good old trusty Kevin. The voice of reason.

"Excuse me? Does nobody seem to realize that they are in the middle of a strange jungle in an unfamiliar universe?" questioned Alex.

"Uhh…"

"Nick knows what he's doing, Alex."

"Calm yourself."

"HOW CAN I CALM MYSELF WHEN…"

Right on cue, the door opened, and in stumbled the two criminals.

"Hello," Nick greeted them.

"Hey, guys!" Katy had a smile from ear to ear, fingers laced in Nick's.

"What time do you call this?" Alex swooped in, ready to interrogate her prime suspects.

"I call this time…. the end of the best evening of my life!" Katy said, resting her head on Nick's shoulder.

"And _you_?" Alex spat at the male suspect.

"Same for me." He smiled, despite Alex's scary overprotective parentalness, and kissed Katy.

"Children! The time for that carryon is over!" Alex tried, but she was failing.

Joe dragged her away. "Aww, c'mon. Don't spoil their evening."

"It's the early hours of the morning!"

"Alex, it's only a quarter past twelve. Chill."

"But…"

"Didn't he get her home safety, and within a reasonable hour?" Hazel insisted.

"Yes, but…"

"No buts, Alex. Now let's just go to bed and you can kill them in the morning if you still feel you have to."

"Fine. But…"

"But what?"

"Don't you want to hear how Katy's date went first?" Alex was finally back in teenager mode.

"Obviously!" squealed Hazel. "You hear that Katy?"

But Katy was pre-occupied with Nick…

Alex sighed. "Hey Joe, Kevin, you think we can drag them away from each other for two minutes?"

"I doubt it."

"Sorry, guys…" Nick finally became aware to the rest of the world. "I guess it's bed time."

"Right. I'm exhausted," sighed Katy.

Hazel and Alex found they literally had to tear Katy off him up to their bedroom.

"Night guys!" They called down to the boys.

"Goodnight!"

Katy collapsed on a bed, still swooning. Alex and Hazel smiled at her.

"What?" Katy asked.

"I'm guessing that went well…" Hazel said suggestively.

Katy could only grin. She told her friends all about it until all three of them had no energy left.


	8. Davy Jones, Wigs, Alcohol

**Davy Jones, Wigs, Alcohol...**

Somebody was tapping out a beat. "One, two, three, four-"

"Good morning starshine," Joe sang beautifully. "The earth says hello."

"You twinkle above us… we twinkle below," Nick joined in.

The girls groaned sleepily. Kevin joined in to make it louder.

"Good morning starshine, you lead us along," they harmonized. "My love and me as we sing-"

"Shhh!" Alex hissed whilst dreaming.

"-our early morning song!"

"What the flip?" Hazel mumbled.

"Gliddy glub gloopy, nibby nabby noopy," they sang.

"Guys, shut up! We're awake! But thanks for singing the cheesiest song in history to get us up!" said Katy sarcastically.

"Just making sure. We have to leave soon to get back to the ship."

"Goodie," Alex moaned.

"Just get up," Joe told her.

"Easier said than done."

"Oh, don't worry, there are buckets of cold water waiting. We had a feeling the song wouldn't work…"

"Fine. Getting up now…" Hazel rolled over and closed her eyes.

After ten more minutes of 'feel-good waking up songs', and threats about freezing water being poured over them, the girls somehow dragged themselves out of bed and found themselves rowing back to the ship.

"Em, what are we doing now? Like what happens next?" Katy asked Hazel (the expert) on the way back.

"Jonesy time," she replied.

"What?"

"Davy Jones time, remember? Jack tricks Will onboard the Flying Crocodile Machine, or whatever the bloody thing's called, and then he gets whipped…"

"Ah yes." Katy looked sorry for him.

"Yup. Bit depressing."

"So, em…" Katy took a deep breathe.

"What is it?"

"So, Hazel. How are you and-"

"Wait, let me guess. How are me and Jack coming along?"

Katy nodded.

"You're the third person to ask that question in the past twenty for hours, Katy," sighed Hazel.

"…Well?"

"Need you even ask?"

"Tell me."

"Havn't seen him. Couldn't tell you."

"Yes, you can."

"It's _not_ coming along. So _there_."

"But, Hazel-"

"Shhh!"

They had arrived at the Black Pearl, Hazel had to shut Katy up. They clambered onboard.

"GIBBS!"

"BOYS!"

The familiar emotional scene with the brothers and Gibbs ensued.

Katy, Alex and Hazel just stood there, feeling slightly unwanted.

"Oi, you!" came a familiar, demanding voice.

"Hello to you too…" murmured Hazel.

"Yes, _us,_" Alex said with spite to Jack. "Surprised?"

"Thought you'd gone off to _live _there," he mumbled.

"Yes, Jack. In the creepy jungle. With the voodoo witch girl. How tempting," Katy replied, heavily sarcastic.

"I thought the voodoo magic stuff might suit you lot, you know, with being from the future, and being able to predict everything… apparently." Jack rolled his eyes.

"You don't believe us?" asked Hazel.

"Then we'll predict something…" Alex had an idea.

"And if it turns out true, then you'll know we're telling the truth." Katy had the same plan.

"Fine," Jack said, emotionless.

"I predict… that somebody who has been chasing you for the past year will find you. Very soon."

"Namely?" he asked, hoping to catch them out.

"James Norrington," Hazel replied immediately.

"As if," Jack shrugged. "The one with the _wig_?"

"Turnip! Hey!" Katy suddenly waved to a figure in the distance. Indeed, it was Will.

He looked at the girls, but turned and went below deck. Judging from the expression on his face, he wasn't feeling too good.

"What's up with him?" Katy asked.

"Poor boy's missing his darling one," Jack replied.

"Bless," Alex gushed.

"Maybe we should go cheer him up?" suggested Hazel.

Katy raised her eyebrows. "What, put on a comedy act?"

"Be nice," said Alex. "Remember what happens to the poor boy."

"All right…" Katy headed in his general direction. Followed by Alex. Followed by Hazel… almost.

Jack stopped her. "Hey."

"What?" she snapped. "Get off my arm."

"Something wrong?" he asked, letting go.

"Nope."

There was silence.

"Jack, what _is_ it?"

"Why were you on land last night?"

"Nick did this thing for Katy and needed us around for moral support… apparently. It made more sense for us to stay in that shack thing than take a three hour boat trip back here in the middle of the night."

He absorbed this. "Oh. So, it's not that you…"

"What?" she asked after he had trailed off.

"Nothing."

"No, Jack, wait!"

He was already gone.

"_How strange," _thought Hazel, as she joined her friends in operation Be-Nice-To-Will.

***

After sailing all day, they finally reached their destination.  
Katy, Alex, Hazel, Joe, Nick and Kevin were below deck, conversing and enjoying the general 'repartee', (their plan to talk to Will ended up with them laughing at him. It was quite sad, really). Katy and Nick were huddled up in their own little corner, talking quietly together, smiling, holding hands, giggling occasionally.

Alex was scrutinising them.

"I have never felt like throwing up more in my entire life..." she moaned. Katy glared at her from across the room.

"Shut...up..." she mouthed.

"At least their happy. Unlike SOMEONE I would care to mention who is just GRUMPY because they can't work up the guts to -- oof!"

Alex had just elbowed Hazel in the ribs with her afore mentioned pointy elbow.

Joe stood up. "Well, I'm gonna go work on my mad rope tying "skillz". And maybe get some fresh air… you guys coming?"

"Yeah, ok," said Kevin, stretching.

"Nick?"

"Well... actually I was thinking I would stay here and talk with my new girlfriend," Nick smiled.

Katy giggled.

Alex crossed her arms. "Oh GAG!"

"Fine," laughed Nick. "I get it." He turned to Katy. "I'll see you later."

Katy pouted.

"You don't have to leave! Just because _she_-" Katy shot Alex a death glare "-is in a bad mood."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"No. It's fine," said Nick, kissing her. "I'll talk to you in a while."

"Okay," Katy sighed. "Bye, you guys."

She kissed Nick again and he left.

"Ok, the PDA's are getting a bit too much, even for me," said Hazel.

Katy rolled her eyes. "You two are just jealous because you don't have a BOYFRIEND like me."

They both went to argue, but could think of nothing to say as they knew she was right.

After some general discussion, they decided to go outside, even though it was dark, windy and raining. There was a significant part of the movie coming up. They noticed Will, Jack and Gibbs at the railing looking over at a shipwreck.

"That's the Flying Dutchman?" Will exclaimed. "She doesn't look like much."

"Neither do you. Do not underestimate her," replied Jack. He elbowed Gibbs in the ribs.

"Musta run afoul of the reef," said Gibbs quickly.

Hmmm. It looked dodgy. Jack was tricking Will onto the wrecked ship to bait the real Flying Dutchman.

"So what's your plan then?" Jack asked Will.

"I row over, search the ship until I find your bloody key."

Hazel raised her eyebrows. "Will, you are not yet cool enough to use the word 'bloody'. Sorry."

Jack smirked and then turned back to him. "And if there are crewmen?"

"I cut down anyone in my path." And off he went.

"I like it," Jack said. "Simple, easy to remember."

"But knowing Will, he'd probably forget it," Alex added.

"Probably."

As Will climbed down into a small boat, Pintel and Regetti were laughing hysterically.

"Your chariot awaits you, sire! Hahaha!"

Katy rolled her eyes. "Seriously, how much have _they_ had to drink?"

"Oy!" Jack called down to Will. "If you do happen to get captured, just say Jack Sparrow sent you to settle his debt. Might save your life." He then turned to Gibbs. "Douse the lamps."

The ship became invisible, thanks to the black sails. Why did they not want to be seen?

"Jack, what have you got planned?" Hazel asked him, smiling.

He grinned back. "I swear, I'm making this up as I go along."

"Urm hello? Will's like, going to die here!" Katy cried.

"Don't be so overdramatic. You know what happens," reassured Hazel.

Jack turned to her. "Just out of interest, what does happen?"

"Thought you didn't believe us..."

"Do things swing my way in the end?" Jack insisted.

"Of course," Hazel said absent-mindedly.

"Em. Hazel," said Alex, remembering the end of the movie. "No they don't. They actually couldn't be worse. For him."

"What?" Jack was alarmed.

"Well in the _end _end, things swing your way. Of course they do. It's a Disney movie."

Jack looked even more confused.

"It's a future thing, you wouldn't understand."

"I see…" He obviously didn't see at all.

There were a few moments silence while they waited for something to happen.

"Soooo..." began Hazel. "Now what?"

"We wait," said Jack, simply.

He then proceeded to take out his telescope and pointed it at the _Flying Dutchman_ to keep watch.

Katy grew bored very quickly. "Wanna go find the guys? You know? Shoot the breeze?"

"What?" scoffed Alex. "So we can watch you and you boyfriend make-out a little bit more? Yeah right."

"We've never _made out_... in front of you!" Katy retorted.

"Oh, you've come PRETTY CLOSE, PUMPKIN!" Alex spat back.

"Ok, just what is you're problem?" Katy asked angrily.

"I don't have a problem!"

"Well clearly you DO!"

The two continued to argue like that for quite some time.

Jack continued to look through his spyglass at the ship, but suddenly, he face dropped and he looked horrified.

Hazel, who had been watching him, instead of sorting out her friends like a GOOD friend would have, (or a friend who wasn't in the presence of a hot pirate), remembered what happened next.  
"Oh, crap! Get below, quick!" She grabbed Alex and Katy, but she was too late. Within a few seconds, she, and everyone on the deck was being held by a hideous sea creature… person… thing, blades at their throats.

"Oh," Jack said a little bewildered.

"You have a debt to pay," Davy Jones glared menacingly, spitting out every word. Ew. This guy was even more disgusting in real life. "You've been captain of the Black Pearl for thirteen years," he continued. "That was our agreement." He was stepping forwards with every word.

Jack recoiled back. "Technically I was only captain for two years, then I was viscously mutinied upon," Jack rambled.

"Then you were a poor captain, but a captain nonetheless. Have you not introduced yourself as these years as _Captain Jack Sparrow_?" he mocked.

"You've got my payment. One soul to serve aboard your ship… he's already over there," insisted Jack.

"One soul is not equal to another."

Jack grinned. "Aha, so we've established my proposal is sound in principle, now we're just haggling over price." It seemed he could talk himself out of anything.

"Price?" questioned Davy.

Jack smiled again. "Just how many souls to you think my soul is worth?"

"One hundred souls… three days."

He was satisfied. "You're a diamond mate, send me back the boy I'll get started right off."

But Jones wouldn't let Jack get away that painlessly. "I keep the boy, a good faith payment. That leaves you only ninety-nine more to go!"

"Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, terrific soprano, worth at least four, maybe three and a half…" Jack persisted. Then his expression became very cocky. "And did I mention, he's _in love_? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed." Jack walked round Davy, teasing him, obviously knowing his weakness. Jones was pained. "Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half a cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony. Eh?" Jack grinned, hoping to infuriate the beast.

Unfortunately, he did not give in. "I keep the boy, ninety-nine souls." He then looked back at Jack, hoping to test him in turn. "But I wonder, Sparrow. Can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a lifetime of servitude in your name while you roam free?"

Jack thought about this for a moment. "Yep, I'm good with it. Shall we seal in blood… er ink?"

Jones was enraged, it seemed he really wanted Jack upset. He looked around Jack's ship. "Why are there so many girls here?" he asked, realizing to oddity of Katy, Alex and Hazel's presence. They squirmed uncomfortably.

Jack shrugged, acting cool. "Oh, apparently, they're actually _good_ luck now," he glanced at Hazel and she smiled back at him, despite the desperate situation they were in. "The whole sexist theory," Jack continued. "-that woman are a bad omen? That turned out rubbish."

Davy Jones wasn't really listening, instead studying Jack, then Hazel. She knew that with Jones' history, he had an eye for… _relationships._ And she knew how he enjoyed destroying them and causing heartache. Oh crap.

Davy slowly began laughing to himself. "Love is a terrible thing…" he said, grabbing Jacks hand.

Jack obviously didn't like slime. "Ah!" he cried out, like a girl.

The black spot had disappeared, and it seemed like Jonsey and Da Crew were going away, finally they started releasing some people… but Jones signalled to the monster holding Hazel.

"Um… who said anything about love?" asked Jack, hiding any visible emotion.

"Oh, well then! If it's like that, we might as well take this one…?" Davy teased, gesturing to Hazel.

"_What?"_ she gasped.

This time, Jack couldn't hide his outrage. "What's the use in that?"

Davy Jones laughed. "Leaves you only ninety-eight."

"WHAT?" screamed Katy and Alex.

Hazel was too shocked to say anything.

"Jack DO SOMETHING!" demanded Katy.

"Three days," Jones reminded, before he… vaporised.

And they'd gone, taken Hazel with them. They heard her screaming in the distance.

"Jack, they have Hazel!" Alex shrieked.

"I. Am. Aware. Of. That," he stuttered.

"Somehow she always manages to get herself kidnapped…" mumbled Katy.

"Could we not just get ninety _nine_ souls," Alex shuttered. "And then do a trade?"

"You know that won't happen," Katy sighed.

"Jack, you've got to do _something._ Anything!"

"She's with Will. She'll be fine, he'll-"

"He gets practically tortured, remember? What are they going to do to _her_?"

There was a horrified silence.

"Will wouldn't let them…" but Katy sounded uncertain.

"He _better_ not!"

"The Whelp is her only source of protection. Fantastic."

Jack had remained quiet through the two girls' horrific conversation. He suddenly felt the need to shut them up.

"MISTER GIBBS!" he yelled, slightly shakily.

"Tortuga, capn'?" asked Gibbs.

"Tortuga," confirmed Jack, wiping his slime covered hand on Gibbs' shirt. "Get the bloody souls."

Suddenly, Nick, Joe and Kevin appeared from down below. Hmmm. Perhaps they were actually smart and ran downstairs at the first sign on weird sea creatures…

"What did we miss?" Joe asked.

Kevin read their expressions. "Yeah, it didn't sound so cheerful from where we were…"

"Well. You didn't get VOILATED by a weird sea creature man!" Katy cried, outraged.

"Awww. Let's sue them," Nick joked, smiling, putting an arm around Katy. He noticed she was stiff. "Hey, what's wrong, Katy?"

Joe looked around. "Um… where's Hazel?"

"Finally, you notice," Alex rolled her eyes.

"They_ took_ her," Katy muttered angrily. "While you three were busy with your flipping ROPES!"

"I don't see what we could've done," defended Kevin. "I mean the entire crew was up here; what difference could we have made?"

"Hello?" Katy looked incredulous. "Have you SEEN the size of your biceps? And besides the crew are all wussies!"

*Confused and hurt looks from various crew members.*

"I'm _sorry,"_ Katy snapped. "But it's true! They're only a couple of giant fish... and an octopus!"

"Well, that's all very well in hindsight," replied Gibbs. "However, I didn't see you leading the damned cavalry against them!"

"I am a Poor. Defenceless. WOMAN!"

Alex, Gibbs and Kevin scoffed. Joe laughed loudly.

Katy could only glare at them.

"Actually, I have less of a chance of fighting them off then you do. I mean we are existing in a time when women have less rights then men and are seen as the lesser sex, even though we all know that that is absolutely ludicrous and quite frankly I could beat ANY of you in a fight, but in this day and age..."

"Feminists," sighed Kevin.

Katy's speech had blown into a full blown rant on how women were not treated the same as men. Everyone was afraid to walk away or make it obvious that they weren't listening to her; they knew what Katy would do to them. Alex knew all of these speeches too well. She also knew that if Katy wasn't stopped soon this could go on for hours.

"Nick!" she hissed at him. "Do something!"

"... I mean just because we aren't as heavily built. Is that our fault? I ask you..."

"Like what?" he whispered back.

"I don't know!" Alex replied angrily. "Just stop her talking!"

"...and excuuuuuse me! But since when could a guy go out in a rain storm and still keep his hair impeccable? I've been here for over two weeks and my hair still hasn't poofed up the size of a meteor as I feared I would. _Joe_ on the other hand-"

"Hey!" Joe cried, his protective hand up towards his hair. "The sea air just doesn't agree with it, it isn't my FAULT!"

"As I was saying..." Katy gave him an odd glance. "That is because us girls-"

Nick grabbed his opportunity. He grabbed Katy and kissed her. For a long time.

Alex sighed. "I told you to shut her up, not attack her!"

"I did shut her up," said Nick pulling away.

Sure enough Katy was staring, dazed into space.

"Well, technically yes but..." Alex started but she needn't have bothered. Nick had already gone back to Katy.

Alex looked disgusted.

"...EW!" she shrieked at them.

"C'mon," said Joe taking her by the arm. "Let's just leave them to it."

"This isn't like Katy, at all!" Alex complained. "She isn't the type to go off gallivanting with strange boys and making out with them. And in broad DAYLIGHT!"

"Well technically it's night-time," Joe pointed out.

"Fine!" Alex cried exasperated. "Broad MOONlight! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

"Oh-oh," Joe put on his 'talking-to-a-seven-year-old' voice. "Someone's getting gwumpy!"

"You. Are. INFURIATING!"

"Thank you!" Joe grinned. "And hey! Are you calling our brother strange?"

"'Cause he wouldn't usually go around kissing girls in front of everyone either," added Kevin, the ever protective older brother. "Maybe he's just showing her how he feels in a more direct way? Cause he's never done it before."

"The Caribbean changes people..." muttered Alex darkly.

"Wow. That's deep..." said Kevin. "C'mon, lets go work on our rope skills!"

"Rope skills?" Alex stared. "Hazel could be _dead _by now."

"Rope will take your mind off it," Joe offered.

"We need to DO something!" she insisted.

"Nothing we can do…"

"Swim over there! Go and get her back!" Alex pointed to the black, empty sea.

Joe smiled. "Ladies first."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled back at him. And off the five of them went to work on more ropes for the duration of the long journey to…

***

Tortuga once again was swamped with brawlers. They used Jack (invincible as he was) as a shield against flying broken glass and drunk sleezy men on their way in. Frightening as this prospect was, Katy and Alex felt a certain amount of fuzzy warm nostalgia as they entered the bar. This was the place where they met the Jonas Brothers after all.

Jack quickly broke away and sat on his own, wrestling with his compass and _NOT_ looking happy. The teenagers sat down at a small wooden table, as far away from the fracas (and manic fiddlers) as possible.

"I'll have a scotch!" yelled Katy at no-one in particular.

"Oh, no you won't. We're here on strictly business terms." Alex nodded over to Gibbs who had set up something of a job application office. "And you don't even like scotch!"

"I know I've just always wanted to say that... but c'mon! We're back in Tortuga!" Katy protested, "Let's celebrate." She then deftly swung off her chair and went up to get drinks.

She soon arrived back with four drinking implements. "I got you some water." She set a glass in front of Alex. "Seeing as you don't _Live to Party._" She winked at the JoBros.

"I'd rather you didn't. It's probably spiked," Alex sneered, looking distastefully at the glass.

"Who spikes WATER, for crying out loud!"

Nick regarded his and slowly pushed his glass away. Seeing this, Katy gave him a look that said "Drink it or else." Reluctantly, he did.

"Anyway," she smiled sweetly. "I think I saw Nozzer in the line over there."

They all glanced over. Sure enough there was a tall, unshaven figure with a large hat and wispy hair protruding from under it.

"Great," said Joe. "Just as I was beginning to enjoy the music."

Raised eyebrows all round.

"Just wait 'til we get to hear Davy on his organ," commented Alex.

"Just," scoffed Katy. "Bet Hazel's having the time of her life."

Before they got a chance to think about that, Nick interrupted.

"Hey, something's happening over there," he pointed.

Sure enough, the 'tall unshaven figure' had arrived at the top of the queue and ole' Gibbs looked like he had swallowed a wasp. Behind them, Jack was looking around for somewhere to hide.

Oh yes. Nozz was back.

"What happened to his ice cream scoop?" asked Katy absent mindedly. .

"Thank goodness…" mumbled Alex. She hated the wigs. The blindingly white _thing_ that sat on their heads and labeled them as gay prats... to put it lightly.

Nozzler snatched Gibbs' bottle of rum from his desk and took a swig.

"Well, that's just plain rude," said Kevin. They all gulped down their beverages, stumbled to their feet, and went over to defend their beloved Gibby.

Suddenly, Norrington had tipped over the table onto Gibbs. He flew off his seat and onto his back. A few ladies screamed and the fiddlers stopped (thank goodness).

"Don't lay a finger on Gibbs," growled Nick, between gritted teeth and clenching his fists. Joe and Kevin rolled up their sleeves.

Then Nozz started smarming about the room, generally being obnoxious, rude, detestable, loathsome, and in need of a good slap.

"So, am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow?" he whinged sarcastically. He pulled his gun out and pointed it at the moving foliage.

There was silence a Nozz stared at him. "Or should I just kill you now."

Jack had frozen to the spot, the large leafy plant not doing much for his camouflage now. Norrington smiled evilly. It was only to easy to just pull the trigger-

SMASH. BANG.

He fell to the floor, his gun going off in the process. Joe stood behind him holding half a bottle, the other half shattered on Nozz's head.

"You got PONED," he grinned.

Meanwhile, said bullet from Nozzer's gun had actually ended up making someone's drink explode. And said drink's _owner_ was none too happy…

Another brawl soon began. As did those fiddlers. How odd.

Jack hurriedly replaced the plant into its pot and ran over to the teens. "Time to g…" he trailed off upon seeing Joe lift a barstool high above his head and bring it crashing down on some drunkard. He was found of chair thwacking.

Jack turned to see Katy, Nick and Kevin doing pretty much the same thing.

Alex popped up beside him. "'Ello 'ello," she chirped.

"Ah!" he screamed. "What's got into them?"

"Well, you see Jack," explained Alex in a very parental manner. "I did not partake in drinking tonight under the suspicion of poisoned drinks. My friends' drinks here had indeed been spiked. Now, they are heavily drunk and are assisting in this scuffle."

They then watched as Katy jumped on to the chandelier, swinging her legs madly. She soon found she could not get off without killing herself and merely dangled from the ceiling.

"As you can see," Alex finished, pointing upwards.

Jack watched and smirked. He turned back to Alex, who was just standing there rolling her eyes.

_How curious._ "So why are you so… sensible compared to them?"

"I just am. Wonderful, isn't it?"

"Not much of a pirate, are you?"

"Psshhh… drinking, violence; it's pathetic."

Jack raised an eyebrow and Alex assumed she'd insulted him in some way. "No offense, I know you and rum are inseparable…"

He laughed. "It's not that. It's the fact that you still surround yourself with said evils, even though you _apparently_ detest it."

Alex wavered. "Suppose I do, but-"

"You'll give in."

"I highly doubt that."

"I strongly predict it," he retorted. "You'll embrace your inner pirate somehow..."

"I don't have an _inner pirate_, as you put it."

"What do you have then?"

"A conscience. Morals."

"And a dark side," Jack alluringly added. "You'll want to see what it's like."

Alex blinked. She was not _that _easily swayed. "I'm quite content to carry on living my life without committing random acts of ill-ethics... and for what?"

"To satisfy that burning desire you know you have deep down inside," he teased. "You'll want to know what it ta…"

He was cut off _(thankfully, thought Alex_) as Katy's arms seemed to have given in and she landed on them from the chandelier.

"GOSH, KATY!" Alex screamed from the floor. Yes, she'd successfully shut up Jack, but it was painful.

Katy scrambled to her feet. "Owww… that actually kind of hurt."

"YOU THINK?" cried Alex. "I cushioned your fall!"

"Your own fault for standing directly underneath it!" Katy replied.

"I can't believe you!" she was practically in tears.

Katy patted her on the back. "Cheer up! This is the pirate life after all, dear."

Alex said nothing and glared at Jack who looked shifty. Katy glanced at them both, shrugged and asked "Can we go?"

He sighed. "We've only been waiting for you to get off the bloody chandelier."

"Seems to me you were two were quite content having a cosy chat..." said Katy.

Alex glowered at her suggestion.

Katy rolled her eyes. "Well let's go, because I think that guy wants to kill me," Katy pointed at an angry looking drunkard wielding a candle holder.

Nick, Joe and Kevin came running over, panting. "Katy, _everyone_ wants to kill you."

"Including me," glared Alex.

And so they slipped out. As they ran towards the docks (quite literally for their lives), Alex randomly came out with "OH CRAP!"

"What?" Katy asked.

"Do you know who's coming up now?"

"Who?"

"Elizabeth _Prawn_," Alex spat, pointing at a small boy who looked like a girl…


	9. Will has smooth shiny bits

_We won't even bother with writing a sob-story excuse for the sheer lateness of this, as it would be in vain. The important thing is that it has finally made it here, so enjoy :)  
__Oh, and just FYI – we have already wrote chapters for the third movie, so we're not giving up anytime soon.  
__xxx_

* * *

**Will has smooth shiny bits and there's intriguing flirtation...**

"Hmmmmmmm," mused Hazel. It was boring on Davy Jones' ship. She found herself locked in a barnacle encrusted brig/room/chamber type thing. After amusing herself with her iPod for a certain number of hours, (mostly to block out Davy's organ), staring at the walls, she wondered how she could escape. She was running her hands through her hair… and then she found something.

_A hairpin._

She ran to the locked door and after a few minutes of struggling, the door unlocked. After wondering outside into the dark rain, she began to wish that she'd stayed inside that room. It was hell out on the deck. She hid behind a mast and watched, trying to remain as dry and unnoticed as the average viewer watching this film that she'd once been.  
Something had just crashed loudly onto the deck and the organ stopped playing.

"Haul that weevil to his feet," somebody growled, pointing at Turnip, who was lying on the deck looking injured. A couple of sea creature type guys grabbed him and lashed his hands to some rope.

_Uh oh._ This was not something she'd spent five minutes picking a door open to see.

"Five lashes will remind you to stay on 'em!" cried the scary rope-wielding guy.

"No!" Bootstrap appeared, stopping the whip bearer.

"Impeding me in my duties? You'll share the punishment." Geez, somebody had sure pissed off this guy.

"I'll take it all," said Bill defiantly.

"Will you now?" teased a familiar Scottish voice. "And what would prompt such an act of charity?" Oh joy, look who'd come out to play. Gravy Jones.

"My son…" Bill was clearly having an identity crisis. "He's my son."

Will locked eyes with his father, understanding. _Poor _Will.

Davy laughed at them. "What fortuitous circumstance be this?" he seemed to be thinking:_ Haha. Another relationship to destroy as painfully as possible._ "Five lashed be owed, I believe it is," he said, handing the whip to Bootstrap.

Ooooooh. Cruel.

"No… No, I wouldn't!" Bill said shakily.

"The cat's out of the bag, Mister Turner," Jones jeered. "Your issue will feel its sting, be it by the Bosun's hand or your own."

"No," was all that Bill could say.

Davy went to hand the whip to the evil dude. "Bosun!"

"No!" Bootstrap yelled, grabbing the whip for himself.

Before Hazel had time to think 'Poor Billy', the two monsters holding Will ribbed off his shirt. _Which, surprisingly, revealed a rather muscular, smooth, wet back._ Gosh. They were going to ruin (what appeared to be) the ONLY remotely attractive part of Will.

"That is a crying shame," Hazel said, out loud and to herself. She was surer than ever – Orlando Bloom _must_ have had a back double…

Bill winced before taking an almighty swing with the whip. Hazel couldn't watch, even the sound was unbearable. She ran below deck.

Will came tumbling down the stairs after her a minute later.

"You had it easy, boy!" taunted the guys who had thrown him.

The poor 'boy' struggled to his feet. "Hazel?" Will whined, noticing her.

"Awww, Will." Hazel helped him up, trying to avoid looking at his back, which couldn't have be as easy on the eyes as it was when she last saw it…

"Will," Bootstrap came along and took his other hand.

"I don't need your help!" Will limped away, throwing their hands off him.

"Hi," Hazel greeted Bill.

"You… the rum girl," he remembered her from when he warned Jack.

"_Hey!_ I wasn't in that cellar for rum," she lied.

"What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "He just took me."

Bootstrap looked confused, but went after Will, giving him his waistcoat thing. "The Bosun prides himself on cleaving flesh from bone, with every swing."

Will was infuriated. "So I am to understand that what you did was an act of compassion?"

Bill stared at him hard. "Yes."

Hazel sighed as the two men walked around, having some father-son bonding time. Bill started to explain how it worked.

"Once you've sworn an oath to the Dutchman, there's no leaving it. Not until your debt is paid."

"I've sworn no oath," Will said.

"Then you must get away."

Hazel cleared her throat.

"And maybe take her with you," Bill gestured to her.

"Hazel, why are you here, anyway?" Turnip finally asked.

"Well," she started. "Davy comes along to the Black Pearl and yells at Jack for a bit and they negotiate some stuff about his debt. I was rooting for you coming back, Will, but um… Jones said he'd keep you. Anyway-"

"So I'm helping Jack square his _debt_?" Turnip squeaked.

"You're smarter than you look," Hazel said. "So then Davy Jones was all like 'I'll take thee girlaaa', and here I am. Stupid and pointless of him… oh well. Who am I to judge that squid's motives."

Bootstrap looked thoughtful. "He will always try to make these situations as painful as possible for his victims."

"Why? He's such a meanie!"

"Jones has a tragic history, he was once in love himself, but something happened… now he can _see_ others in love, and make them suffer the-"

"Okay, okay. Unrelated," Hazel interrupted. She could see where he was going with that and she didn't like it.

"Not really unrelated…" Bill was all set to continue. "Jones is going to make sure that paying the debt is heartache for Jack, so-"

"William!" Hazel piped up. "You have to get a key to get, to save Elizabeth, right?"

"Yes. Right," Will blinked. "I'm not leaving until I find _this_," he produced the drawing. "The key."

Hazel grinned. Successfully she had ended what could have been a very awkward conversation.

Suddenly, the not-as-dead-as-you-might-have-hoped guy in the wall moved. This freaked Hazel out.

"Ewwwwwww!"

"The dead man's chest…" whispered the dude.

Hazel felt like being sick and so moved back into the room in which she had been 'locked', to ponder her thoughts…

***

The Black Pearl had just left Tortuga. A vomiting Nozzer had joined the bandwagon and Jack had surrendered his compass to Elizabeth, who after a few risqué one-liners (i.e. the infamous 'I happen to have no dress in my cabin'), had apparently given them a heading leading directly to the heart of Davy Jones.

To save Will.

Because that's what she wanted most.

Suuuuuuure.

How gullible to writers think we are.

It was a hot, stuffy night, and after some super-fun-happy-group-bonding-time, and Alex needed some fresh air. Not just because of the heat, but because Katy and Nick were unbearable, and her fellow single friend Hazel wasn't there to complain to. She'd made her way up to the deck. She couldn't see much, just listened to the sea, leaning on the railing, brooding over the current events.

"Oh hey, Joe," she said casually, noticing his shadow wandering around in the dim light.

"How's it going?" he asked, making his way over to her.

"Well, apart from all this gagging I've been doing to try and get Katy and Nick to shut up, I'm just fine."

He smirked. "I think the only thing we can do is lock them in separate rooms."

They both stared out to the black sea for a while.

"I'm willing if you are," Alex broke the silence.

Joe smiled. "You know, I can't wait to go home."

"Me neither. But the impression I'm getting off Katy and Hazel is that they'd very much like to stay here." She turned to him. "I'm beginning to think I'll never get back," she sighed.

"We will do everything possible to get back." Joe was firm.

"Why? What's back home for you? Well, apart from the fame and the money and the screaming girls throwing themselves at you…?"

He rolled his eyes. "My mom and dad and Frankie, for a start. And just… performing in general. Everyone looks at you weird if you sing anything that's not a sea-shanty round here."

Alex smirked and nodded.

"Like, fame is nice and everything. Screaming girls are _really_ nice, but I've realized that I can live without it. I guess that's what being here has taught me."

"Yeah," Alex nodded, yawning. He was being quite deep. For her, being here was irritating; a waste of time when she had so much more to be doing at home.

"Here it's quiet, chilled," he continued. "Nobody knows who we are... it's weird."

"Uh huh, I miss all my screaming fans too," Alex remarked sarcastically, thinking about how different their lifestyles must be.

"Well," he grinned. "When we're home, you think you could escape the paparazzi for one night and see me again?"

"Hmmm, I don't know…" She pretended to ponder it. "I'm across the pond, you see."

"We'll be in Ireland with the tour.... if it still goes ahead."

There was silence once again. Alex couldn't think of another excuse.

"Well?"

"Mmmmmmmmaybe," Alex murmured, slipped her arm into his.

This pleased him greatly, he tried to hide it. "I thought good girls didn't make physical contact with boys."

"Only the bad ones," she replied, turning her head and resting her chin on his shoulder to look at him.

His lips curved upward into a crooked smile. "Thanks. You know I think that's the closest thing to a compliment I've heard you say for this whole journey."

Alex's face fell.

In turn, he was horrified. "No! I didn't mean- wait… don't take it like-"

"No, you're right." She began to rant. "Everyone thinks I'm horrible. Especially Jack. Not that I care what _Jack_ thinks but he did say that he thinks I'm going to…" she trailed off.

"What?"

"Nothing…" Alex straightened up and winched her arm away from him. She went back to staring at the sea, he arms folded.

Joe studied her for a moment, trying to work out what she meant.

He quickly gave up, missing the close contact. "You know, mysterious girls… intrigue me," he purred.

Alex continued to look away and ignore that comment; her mind clearly somewhere else.

Joe nodded to himself. He might as well have said nothing. "I'll leave you to it then," he mumbled, walking away, towards his brother. _I can't believe that didn't work, _he thought. _It _always _works. _He looked back over his shoulder to see that Alex was already gone.

"Ooooh, burn!" sneered Kevin, who'd witnessed the whole thing.

"Shut up," Joe rolled his eyes.

***

"Hazel!" somebody hissed, shaking her.

"Not you, Captain Obvious…" she mumbled in her sleep.

"Wake up! We can leave now."

She opened her eyes. "Will?"

"Let's go," he dragged her out onto the deck.

"Did you get the key?"

"Yes." He put it around his neck.

"Finally we can get away from this place." She shuttered. The Flying Dutchman was really creepy.

They meet up with Bootstrap, who handed Will some stuff. "Here, take this too," he said, giving Will a knife. "Now, get yourself to land, and stay there… it was always in my blood to die at sea. It was not a fate I ever wanted for you."

Will examined his newly acquired blade. "It's not a fate you had to choose for yourself, either."

"Aye. I could say I did what I had to, when I left you to go pirating…"

Hazel rolled her eyes and turned away, giving them another father-son moment.

"… and not rest until this blade pierces his heart!" Will was saying.

Well. That could pose a problem to Jack.

"I will not abandon you. I promise." Will turned to leave, and she followed him.

"See ya laters, Bill," she said to Bootstrap, before clambering into the boat with Will.

***

After rowing all night in the endless stretch of water, Hazel and Will had finally come across a merchant ship. They'd been pretty kind and got them some hot drinks and blankets. Great. That was going to stop Davy Jones hunting them down.

"Strange to come upon a longboat so far out in open water," the Captain was saying.

Will was no less than paranoid. "Just put as many leagues behind us as you can. As fast as you can." His voice was shaking all over the place.

The crewmen looked at him strangely.

"Trust us, just do it," said Hazel, backing him up.

"And what are we running from?" the Captain demanded.

They did not answer. Hazel just didn't want to get into that, but Will seemed distracted by something draped over a chair on the other side of the cabin.

Well. _Of course_ this just so happened to be the same ship Elizabeth had bartered a passage on. And _of course_ that was hers.

"That dress. Where did you get it?" Will asked, running over to it.

"It was found aboard the ship. The crew thought it was a spirit bringing some omen of ill-fate."

Will picked it up, scrutinizing it. "That's foolish."

The crew then started bickering over it.

Turnip was smelling the dress like a fool. Hazel wished she wasn't there, she had just remembered what happened next.

"I imagine some of your crew may have jumped ship there?" Will was curious.

"Why do you ask?" the Captain insisted.

A small boy appeared. "Captain! A ship's been spotted."

"Colours?"

"She isn't flying any."

"Pirates," the captain spat with hatred.

"Woo!" Hazel cheered happily.

"Or worse," Will said, looking at Hazel.

"Oh, right. Mister Squid and co," she muttered.

Everybody ran outside, desperate for a glimpse of this mystery ship. Will climbed up onto the topsail, the highest point on the ship. Hazel followed him with difficulty, knowing that he was the only survivor here, and she needed to stay close to him, however unpleasant that prospect was.

"I've doomed us all…" Will murmured.

"No. _We've _doomed _them_ all," Hazel corrected him. "You and me should be fine."

"What will I do?" Will asked, knowing that Hazel could see the future.

"Umm… just follow your instincts."

"Right," he nodded. "IT'S THE FLYING DUTCHMAN!" Will yelled down to the crew below.

"Although that won't help so much," Hazel said under her breath.

Suddenly, the ship jolted. Hazel and Will both lost their balance, grabbing onto some rope before plunging to their deaths.

Ahh joy. The kraken.

They watched as it enveloped the ship below.

"Great. Some pretty difficult stunts coming right up," said Hazel to herself.

Right on cue, the mast broke, and slowly started falling…

"Jump!" yelled Will.

"Yeah, right!" she shouted back at him.

"Just do it!"

Instead she clung onto Will. This was her best chance of survival. She heard him sigh before he leaped over to the other sail. He got out his knife and cut through the material, slowing their fall slightly. They eventually ran out of sail, so Will had to grab another rope and just hang there, Hazel still attached to him. He started to climb up onto another platform. She finally let go.  
"Alright?" he asked breathlessly.

She could only nod. Hazel took the chance to sit down and try not to vomit while Will sword fought a Kraken tentacle that had found its way up the mast.

Just then, another huge tentacle rose out of the sea, above the ship, and came crashing down, breaking it in half. Pretty much everyone and everything slid into the Kraken's jaws. Will grabbed Hazel and jumped off to the side of the ship.

They swam as fast as they could. They just needed to get away from that…. thing. Hazel found a piece of driftwood and collapsed on it, shortly joined by Will. Just as she was thinking about how much this could turn into a Titanic moment, Will noticed the Flying Dutchman beside them, and dragged her away. They clambered onto the front of the ship. Will climbed up to the deck.

"I don't think that's such a good idea..." Hazel warned him.

She saw him wince. Too late. He had just seen the 'survivors' been murdered by Davy's crew. A now very pale William looked back at Hazel.

"I told you so."  
"I think… we'll just stay down here," said Will. Sneaky. The crew would never see them, but they had a free lift to Isla Cruces (beach/chest place with the church and that big wheel thing) and hopefully back to the others.


	10. Bribery

_Alas, readers, tis Hazel.  
__If you're a new reader and never noticed any gap – well, hi! Ignore and skip these ramblings._

_... And for the rest - the biggest ever SORRY ever.  
__Not really too sure where to start with this, as I fear being mobbed, death threats, things like that. Three main things to note:_

_1. We had our reasons for that insane gap, you don't want to ask_

_2. if this absolutely sucks as decreased humour is inevitable as I am alone in the writing process_

_3. When we were on hiatus, I have wrote... ok I gave up counting, but it's at least 25,000 words. Honest to goodness! But mostly only bits and pieces of the third movie.  
( I'm laughing at the irony now, because I had my iPod on shuffle and the chorus of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" is kicking in... )  
__Anyway. I just needed to write, can't explain that. Also I wasn't going to let this go complete waste.... I know you're going to be yelling at your computer, screaming that I wrote so much and didn't post a thing. I just couldn't bring myself to even look at finishing this part_

__

_Now, as I have finally figured what our old password was, you can actually continue to read the story, and you and me will get closer to a sense of closure, if anything at all.  
__And it's really nice to be back (:_

_

* * *

_

**Bribery **

_(You may be all too aware of what point in the film it is now. Yes, it's the 'persuasion' or the 'Jack would have kissed Elizabeth if that thing on his hand hadn't came back' scene. Where it's all to obvious that Disney insist on using words like 'marriage' when you know they aren't talking about an actual wedding at all and are just protecting the kids... You may also be wondering what I'm doing about this very serious problem. The only thing I can do - CHANGE IT.)_

Alex hadn't seen Katy or the thing that was constantly attached to her (Nick) since last night. It may be mainly because she was avoiding her...

Until now.

"Katy! Katy!" She was running all over the ship. "Katy, I need you, and I'd prefer it if that man of yours wasn't-"

"Wasn't what?" Katy asked, rather defensively, appearing round a corner.

"Not important. What are we going to do?" she said with a sense of urgency.

"About what?"

"Keeping Jack's mind off practically proposing to Elizabeth."

"He what?... Oh, that." Katy considered this. "Perhaps we should consider the vandalism charges in the cinema that Hazel got for cracking the screen with her fist when she first saw it."

"And the months and months of her whining over it. If Hazel was here-"

"But she isn't here," interrupted Katy.

Alex was pacing up and down. "We can't just stand around and do nothing."

"And Hazel would be doing what about this, exactly?"

"If she was here I'd ask her!"

There was a pause for the sheer amounts of thinking that took place.

"I don't think that it'll happen..." Katy said slowly.

"Elizabeth is depressed and vulnerable, you fool, and Jack will flirt with anything female." Alex rolled her eyes.

Wisdom struck Katy. "Before he met Hazel..."

Alex raised her eyebrows.

"You imbecile," Katy had to add, for she did not take too kindly to being called a fool when she'd had yet another brilliant idea.

***

Now, anyone who has a history with Katy and her so-called 'Infinite Wisdom' knows that she has tendencies towards mistakes. As the only person like that present on the Black Pearl was Alex, she was the one who had drawn up a military plan of action – just in case she was wrong. She walked up and down a line of recruits.

"Right. You, you and you..." Alex pointed to Nick, Joe and Kevin. "Watch Elizabeth. Don't let her move. If she does – distract her!"

"How, exactly?" queried Kevin.

"I don't know, how do you distract millions of girls back home?"

They all looked blank. Alex put her head in her hands in despair.

"Charm. Looks. I don't care what you do... Sing!"

"Right, because that won't look weird," Joe said quietly.

"Enough out of you." Alex warned him. "Off you go."

Nick moved to kiss Katy before they left to go stalk Elizabeth... until Alex gave him a look that suggested he rethink that action, and they left.

"And Katy..." Alex turned to her. "You and me are watching Jack."

"Not that there's any need to..." Katy said sarcastically.

Alex hit her – hard enough. "Do you want Hazel strangling you later?"

"This isn't about her. You just can't stand that I'm right for once."

"Shut up."

"My theory cannot be proven wrong!" Katy said smugly.

"The man who thought the world was flat said that too..." Alex told her.

Katy was getting very agitated. "When we see Hazel again, I'll let her know just how much faith you have in the thought of her and Jack."

"It's only Jack I lack faith in. He's an idiot. He has no respect for women. I could go on... and right now I'm only doing what Hazel would think best."

Katy shook her head. "Have you not seen them together or something?"

"You mean how they argue all the time?"

"If you were experienced in relationships like _me_..." she couldn't resist that jibe. "You would know that's just chemistry."

Alex just sighed, thinking of a comeback.

Suddenly, Katy had another idea. "This isn't just about how you and Joe have got nowhere, is it?"

"Of course not!" Alex cried, in a tone that was rather fake.

"It is! It makes so much sense. You're jealous about me, and your jealous that Hazel's got something too."

"No! There's no way you could be right about two things on the same day, anyway."

Katy smirked. "Until now."

Alex just grumbled something about her getting cocky.

Bribery, thought Katy. Even better – a bet. "Okay. If Jack does what he does in the movie and is the same despicable man he always was, then fine. I'll admit you're right; the future prospect of you and Joe isn't bothering you or clouding your judgement at all."

"Good," Alex nodded.

"But if I'm right about Jack... then I'm right about you and Joe, too."

"Fine. You're on," Alex shook her hand confidently.

The deal was sealed...

***

At this point in time, Hazel was on a very boring journey to Isla Cruces, i.e. the sandy place with the chest. Quite conveniently, they were travelling on the bow (unseen, of course) of the Flying Dutchman.  
With Will. Inconveniently.

"Just tell me what happens with the heart," he asked for the millionth time.

Hazel was close to hitting him. "If I do, I will probably ruin all events in the course of the next few months."

Will looked at her oddly. "How do you even know... the future?"

"I don't. I've just seen what basically happens with a few peoples' situations. Quite vaguely. It's far too complicated to explain."

He sighed, still looking quite frustrated.

"Don't worry. You'll save your father," offered Hazel.

"He doesn't deserve this..."

"Nobody deserves it."

Yes, Will was still a fool and a pansy, but at least he didn't just want to save Elizabeth anymore. Even if it was just saving yet another person...

***

So for the first few hours of the day, Alex had ruined everyone's fun, and they were quite bored. For a start, Elizabeth had become a bit scared at how those three boys didn't seem to be in the crew, as they just hung around doing nothing. Except watch her. And they looked vaguely familiar to her... She seemed almost glad when Norrington came over to make her all upset.

Jack didn't notice anything different. After all, what could be abnormal about those girls following him around and being incredibly annoying all day?

After a few hours... absolutely _nothing_ noteworthy happened.

Nick came over to the girls."I am so tired of keeping watch over her," Nick sighed and hugged Katy.

"You'll do it," warned Alex.

"You're drunk on power," Katy stated.

"Plus... the island's over there," Nick gestured behind him.

"What?" Alex looked.

"Land ho!" somebody yelled, and everybody looked over the side of the Pearl, and Gibbs was preparing a boat.

"Looks like it's time for the next scene..." Joe slyly said, appearing behind Alex.

"It almost seems like that was all for _nothing_," Kevin added with annoyance.

Katy beamed in satisfaction. She won.

Turning to spread the word that she would therefore be right about everything from now on, she was met with Alex's cold glare.

Katy kept smiling with her look of arrogance, and Alex kept glaring.

Soon Alex, without taking her eyes off Katy, said in a mocking voice: "Nick? Do you know that Katy got a tattoo with a dirty needle while she was _here_? Without proper healthcare?"

"She did _what?_" Nick cried, horrified.

Just as well Alex never took her eyes off Katy, or she wouldn't have fully appreciated the look on her friend's face.

"I will murder you..." hissed Katy, before running off, pleading to Nick.

This way Alex was content, because this way she wouldn't have to hear Katy tease and show off and generally be extremely annoying just because she'd won.

And she couldn't face up to the fact that Katy was actually right...

"That was a bit uncalled for," Joe scorned.

"He was going to find out that Katy's reckless anyway."

He studied her for a few seconds. "Is there something you're not telling us?"

_The bet. _"I guess I don't like it when she's right," Alex admitted. It was the truth. To a certain degree.

"Oh." Joe still wasn't convinced.

There was nothing left for them to do but get on the boat; the two imbeciles (Pintel and Regetti), Nozzie and a shovel, Elizabeth staring at the compass, Alex sulking, Joe wondering, Kevin bored, Katy reasoning with Nick.

And Jack, black spot back in place, clutching his jar of dirt like a small child.

***

Will was silent in thought, and Hazel was daydreaming. It was quite calming sitting at the front of a ship, watching nothing but ocean. An island eventually came into view. Hazel recognised it... the miles of white sand, and green hills. And anchored near it, the Black Pearl, maybe?

"Is that it where the chest is?"

"I think so..." she answered Will.

Then a terrifying thing happened. The ship just started to dip into the ocean.

"Swim!" Will told her, and dived off towards land. Hazel hoped that somehow the crew wouldn't see them and followed him.


	11. Osmosis and Outsmarting

_Thanks all for reviewing :)  
_

_Sunshine, A - I have strong suspicions that this is, in fact, Dr Phil's on-line name. I also suspect that you are the voice of my conscience. The last chapter was completely unrelated to what happened, but still, keep up the excellent work! _

_And yes - I am well aware that the 4th movie is coming out in 2011. Given that I was actually depressed (yes, really) after I watched the premiere of At World's End, because I was well aware that could be the last I'd ever see of Jack Sparrow - you can imagine how overjoyed I am. The day I found out that the new film was going ahead I felt like literally running through the neighbourhood with a horn and screaming in happiness. But I didn't - I just don't want to be arrested...  
Because I already have a criminal record for cracking the screen in the cinema with my fist a few years back... you know why ;)_

_

* * *

_

**Osmosis and outsmarting**

Elizabeth seemed to be leading the group round in endless circles across miles of sand. Katy was in the middle of her twenty seventh "Are we nearly there yet?", hence Alex was in the middle of her twenty seventh "If you say that again, Katy, I will hurt you".

Eventually they arrived at the location of the chest. Sort of.

"This doesn't work. And it certainly doesn't show you what you want most." Elizabeth sat down, giving up.

Jack had been watching her movements closely. He ran up to the compass. "Yes it does. You're sitting on it."

"Beg pardon?"

"Move," Jack shimmied her away, then gestured for Nozzie to start digging.

_[For those of you who aren't total geeks like me and haven't seen this movie with commentary from the writers , Jack works out where the chest is from triangulation – apparently.]_

While they were waiting for a large hole to form, Katy questioned Jack's cross-legged position. She raised one eyebrow. "Meditation? Really?"

"Good for the mind," replied Jack. "You should try it. You might even be less annoying."

Then the shovel hit something with a loud, metallic sound. It would have been much more exciting if there was treasure in the chest. A lot more piratey, too. But all that was found were some ancient love letters and a human body part. Lizzie, Nozzie and Jack put their ears to the chest and listened for the heartbeat of Davy Jones. Whilst Alex, Katy and the brothers remained bored as usual.

"It's real..." Elizabeth was confounded.

"He actually was telling the truth," Katy smirked at a Norrington, who looked confused not only because Jack was right, but because that girl said words exactly like those in his head...

"I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised," claimed Jack.

"With good reason!" cried a familiar pansyish voice behind them.

They turned to see Will, who had appeared on the beach, alongside Hazel. She was raising an eyebrow at him. "You always have to make an entrance, don't you?"

Elizabeth was stunned. "Will!" she ran towards him. "Thank God! I came to find you!" She kissed him.

Hazel was just standing there, edging away uncomfortably from the couple. "Well, nobody's that happy to see me," she said meekly.

"HAAZEEL!" Katy screamed running towards her, followed by Alex, Nick, Joe and Kevin. Cue yet another one of their wonderfully cheesy group hugs. Ah, reunited again.

Jack almost looked slightly relieved as his eyes were darting from side to side, trying to work out where on earth they'd come from. "How did you get here?" he asked.

"Through osmosis," Hazel replied sarcastically.

_[For those of you who didn't take Biology... congratulations. You'll get by in life without having to throw in words like that into ordinary conversations.]_

Will looked at Hazel oddly before replying. "Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my boots."

"So he has a sense of humour now?" Joe asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jack seemed happy about Will's new found ability. "Not so easy is it?"

"Might have been easier than swimming flat out for an hour..." grimaced Hazel.

Katy's overprotective instincts had kicked in. "HAZEL!"

"Yes?"

"HAZEL!" Katy was now shaking her by the shoulders.

"What?!" Hazel was clearly in pain under her friend's iron grip.

"HAAAZEL! YOU DIDN'T GET WHIPPED DID YOU?"

"No, no I didn't. Now stop shouting and _let go_."

"Okay…" Katy was reassured enough.

"You actually aren't hurt?" asked Alex.

"Nope." Hazel was getting déjà vu. "Why? Why is it always me who keeps getting captured?"

"Bad as last time?" asked Kevin.

"Worse. That ship is possibly the creepiest place I've ever been."

"I do owe you thanks, Jack," Will was saying.

"You do?" Jack was highly confused but content.

"After you tricked me onto that ship to square your debt with Jones…"

Now, Jack become very guilty looking.

Elizabeth was shocked. "What?"

"What?" Jack imitated her revelation an octave higher.

"… I was reunited with my father," Will stated proudly.

Jack attempted modesty. "Oh, well... you're welcome then."

"Everything you said to me, every word was a lie?" Elizabeth cried.

Jack thought for a few moments. "Pretty much."

She didn't look amused.

"Time and tide, love," Jack insisted.

"What about Hazel, did you just_ use_ her too?" Elizabeth asked.

_Thought she was too self obsessed to remember my name_ thought Hazel.

Jack blinked. "That… that was in actual fact, kidnap. Jones using the art of persuasion to persuade me into persuading no less that ninety eight souls into acting as possible persuadable payment against my soul, savvy?"

Everyone looked at Hazel. "Usually you can translate these things he comes out with into English," explained Alex, after a silence.

"It was kidnap," summarised Hazel. "I hope..." she eyed Jack apprehensively.

"In your case it was kidnap but in Will's it wasn't?" Elizabeth continued rambling, getting nowhere.

"Oh, do you really want to get into that now?" sighed Hazel, before Jack suddenly grabbed her.

"Did Katy say he whipped you?" he demanded.

"Make a mental note. I can take care of myself," Hazel retorted. "But you should see Will's scars." She was shuddering at the memory.

Unfortunately for him, Elizabeth tuned in. "They _hurt _Will?"

Jack shot Hazel a despairing look. "Great, now look what you did."

"That'll be the very least of your problems, trust me." Hazel noticed Nozzie's presence and decided to be doubly annoying. "Didn't I tell you before that _he_ would turn up? I _can_ predict what will happen. Is that proof enough for you?"

Jack narrowed his eyes at Norrington suspiciously.

"Last time I saw her was over a year ago," said a confused Nozzie, trying to work out what was going on.

"I remember that deal," Katy added. "Admit we were right!"

"Coincidence." Jack still wasn't giving up.

Hazel sighed. "Nothing will explain it, so stop looking for answers and believe me!"

"No," he said dismissively.

"Tia Dalma practically confirmed it," continued Hazel. "And you seem to believe in that heap of junk that _she_ gave you like the Holy Grail," she motioned to the compass.

Given that the 'heap of junk' was what brought them here, Jack probably should have taken his compass and hit her with it, but first he noticed Will stooping down beside the chest and pulling out a knife. "Oi! What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kill Jones," the Turnip stated, quite pathetically.

Jack drew his sword and pointed it at him. "Can't let you do that, William. Cos if Jones if dead, who's to call his terrible beastie off the hunt, eh? Now… if you please. The key?" He held out his hand expectantly.

"Do you really think that Will would give yet another chance to save somebody?" muttered Hazel.

The Turnip stood up slowly, paused, but then grabbed Elizabeth's sword, (how manly. Grabbing his GIRLFRIEND'S sword) to threaten Jack in turn. "I keep the promises I make, Jack. I intend to free my father, and I hope you're here to see it."

"It seemed Will picked up a bit of sass, too," noted Alex.

Norrington, who'd been relatively quiet and quite an unnecessary character up to this point, suddenly pointed his sword at Will. "I can't let you do that either. So sorry."

Jack smiled at Norrington. "I knew you'd warm up to me eventually-" he stepped forward, but was stopped by the point of Norrie's sword. Who was stopped by the point of Will's sword. After a pause for comedic timing, Jack pulled out his sword in Will's direction to complete the triangle shape.

"Three man sword fight on the cards," Katy muttered, watching. "Fun."

"Lord Beckett desires the contents of that chest," Nozzer was saying. "I deliver it; I get my life back."

Jack sighed. "Ah. The dark side of ambition."

"Oh, I prefer to see it as the promise of redemption."

Cue some parrying that really looked like it should have been choreographed.

Alex turned to her friends. "This is a typical example of violence solving nothing."

"_This_ is an example of too much testosterone," Hazel rolled her eyes.

"Hey!" Nick was hurt. "Not all guys are like _them_."

"...But it's true," said Katy, nicely enough for his girlfriend, but still with wrath.

"Guys. Don't start Katy off on another a feminist speech, please," Joe begged.

"Guard the chest!" Will ordered before running off to fight.

"NO!" Elizabeth shrieked. "This is barbaric! This is no way for grown men to-"

"Oh, hey. Looks like somebody actually beat Katy to it," Kevin pointed to Elizabeth who looked… hormonal, to say the least.

"Oh, fine. Let's just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other. THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!" Elizabeth's voice was becoming unbearable. "I'VE HAD IT! I'VE WITH WOBBLY-LEGGED, RUM-SOAKED PIRATES!" She then proceeded to throw handfuls of sand at Will, James and Jack, who were essentially killing each other.

"My thoughts exactly," Alex sighed. "Except that I couldn't be bothered to make a fool out of myself like _that._"

"This is madness!" screeched Elizabeth. "Enough!"

"If that speech didn't bother them, how will a bit of sand?" pondered Joe.

Kevin looked like he wished he was deaf. "I can't take much more of her."

"She'll go away soon," Hazel assured, lying down on the sand, chillaxing. This was as close as a beach holiday as she'd get.

They watched as the men engaged in some more swordplay and Elizabeth tried a new tactic – fainting. "Oh! Oooooh! The heat!" she cried, launching herself into the sand.

Obviously, all three of the men (even Will!) had learnt from the previous movie not to trust her anymore, as her clumsy fall sparked no reaction whatsoever.

Elizabeth turned, in her desperation, towards Hazel and co. They shrugged, and laughed, making her even more angry.

"Look!" Alex pointed to the escaping Pintel and Reggetti in much the same way you would try to distract a one year old.

"Go off and let that one year of practising sword fighting pay off!" jeered Katy. She couldn't help but add that accurate fact to freak her out.

Eventually Elizabeth ran after the two fools with the chest.

"Emm… should we go with them?" Nick asked.

"Nah," Katy mumbled, basking in the sun. "They get hunted by the sea monster people."

"They _all _get hunted down," Hazel eyed the coast warily. "Soon."

"So we'll just stay here...?"

"We should just follow them, when they decide to run off," Hazel continued, pointing towards the brawling men. "S'more interesting. There's a big wheel and crap. And we might not die."

"Oh yeah. Katy's bound to get stuck in the wheel," laughed Joe.

Katy frowned. "But Jack gets stuck in the wheel."

"You will too. You _know_ you will," smiled Hazel fondly.

So, the group followed them up the hill into the greenery; away from the dangerous water's edge and watched them fight away for awhile. Occasionally taunting them. For example:

"You look like a fool, William!"

"Turnip! You missed him again."

"You'll never be as good as Jack or James!"

Well, of _course_ they just ended up taunting Will...

Upon reaching the church, the group lingered around the graveyard, even though it was only to be lead back out where they'd started... but still. At least it was much safer, and more amusing to watch the fight, than to be killed by a monster.

As Jack ran, approaching them in his trademark sprint, he glared at Hazel, Katy, Alex and the brothers. "Well don't just stand there, help me!"

"How?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"We can't _work_ swords!"

"Amateurs," Jack sighed and stopped running to catch his breath and think. He quickly checked that Norrington was still behind some bushes, and then threw the key towards their feet. "When you can't fight, you outsmart," he told them.

"We're only supposed to be here because there are things on that beach that want to kill us," explained Hazel. Nonetheless, she picked the key up from the grass, trying to work out his plan.

"I've already got one thing that wants to kill me _here_," Jack reasoned, and after glancing over his shoulder at Norrington fast approaching, and sprinted and ducked inside the ruins.

Not too far behind them, Will appeared from the foliage and charged after them.

"Make that two things!" Joe belted after Jack.

The only response Joe got was the huge tower bell ringing out, making her jump.

"I think what he means to say is... 'oh crap'," Hazel translated.


	12. Foreshadowing, Mind Games and Revenge

**Foreshadowing, Mind Games and Revenge **

'Hazel followed the sound of clashing metal, swinging the key around her finger, and sat waiting near the large, stationary (so far) wooden wheel, along with Katy. Goodness knows where the rest of her friends were at...

A sword landed point down in the ground, narrowly missing Hazel's neck. "Gosh!" she jumped out of skin. Katy, however, proceeded to pick up Jack's sword and pretend that she knew how to use the thing, attacking bits of grass. Hazel was checking to see if the sword had sliced off a large chunk of her hair. It hadn't, but nonetheless, she was annoyed.

"I'm fine, by the way!" Hazel angrily called up to the three of them, at the roof of the building.

"Well, I've been better," Jack replied, staring at two swords both pointed at him.

"Do excuse me while I kill the man who ruined my life," Nozzie murmured to Will.

"Be my guest."

"Let us examine that claim for a moment, former Commodore, shall we?" challenged Jack. If anyone could talk himself out of certain death, it was him. "Who was it, at the very moment you had a notorious pirate behind bars, saw fit to free said pirate, and take your dearly beloved all for hisself? Eh?"

"I know this one," Katy nudged Hazel, back at ground level.

"Put that down before you hurt yourself, Katy."

"So whose fault is it, really, that you've ended up a rum pot deckhand what takes orders from pirates?" asked Jack.

"William Turner!" yelled Katy.

"Enough!" Nozzie lurched at Jack, who was surprisingly agile and somersaulted off the building, just in time.

"Unfortunately, Mister Turner, he's right!" Nozzie launched himself back at Will, and the clashing of metal was restored.

Jack grabbed his sword from Katy, looking at her cockeyed. "Can you even use a sword?"

"Nope," replied Katy, quite carefree.

"It was _this _close..." Hazel reminded him.

"Close enough," Jack retorted, walking away, signaled for Hazel to come with him. "Still rooting for you, mate!" he called back to Nozzie, who was just about to make the mistake of jumping onto the wheel.

It seemed Katy had found Nick and Kevin and got distracted, and she had no idea where Alex and Joe were, so in the hope they'd all take care of themselves for a few minutes, Hazel followed Jack.

"If I had the key, why did you bother with all of that?" she asked.

"It's about time that man knew that I'm not the single cause of every trivial misfortune that he's been granted."

"Suppose."

"And... it's just fun," he smirked.

They briskly walked through some gravestones, in the general direction of where (he thought) the chest was. "Key?" he held out a hand.

"What key?" Hazel asked dubiously, trying not to laugh at his reaction.

He hated her sarcasm, and countered it with some of his own. "You know, the key that we've all wanted for days now, the key that _I've_ wanted for _months_, the key that will ultimately de…

Suddenly, he grabbed her, she screamed and was falling, then it went black for a few seconds."What the hell?" Hazel croaked, coughing up a cloud of dust, clambering off him. Jack groaned, looking around himself. Both of their heads emerged from an open grave. They looked around themselves, then at each other.

"Oh," Hazel and Jack realized.

"You really had to drag me down with you?" she grumbled.

"I'm not normally one for falling into gaping holes in the ground," Jack said, looking puzzled.

So Jack arrives in a _coffin_, falls into a _grave_... Ted and Terry (the screenwriters) really weren't subtle about their foreshadowing, were they?

...

Meanwhile, Alex leant against one of the crumbling walls of the church, not wanting to be involved all of the in the craziness.

Joe appeared from around the corner. "Oh, look who it is."

Alex smiled weakly. "The girl who doesn't ever compliment anybody, I think that's how you put it last night."

"Now, now. Don't be so hard on yourself," he joked.

"Well, Joe, it's true, according to you…"

"Oh, c'mon. I know that you're a very nice person," he said, walking over to her.

"You, on the other hand, can just flatter somebody without even knowing it."

"Really? Never noticed," he seemed honest.

"Don't worry, it only adds to the teen girl appeal factor."

He smirked, as he'd nearly forgot what his status was in the real world, before asking Alex "So what was up with you before?"

She immediately knew what he meant. "I just had some things on my mind." She looked up at him. "Sorry."

"That's nothing to apologise for," he assured her, laughing slightly.

She was about to speak, but he swiftly grabbed her hand that she was using to smooth down her hair and pinned her wrist to the wall, staring into her brown eyes, no longer laughing.

Alex raised an eyebrow as he moved in closer. "But good boys don't make physical contact with girls."

"That must just be the bad ones," he whispered.

Suddenly, Katy screamed. Ah, of course. Why she interrupts these moments I wouldn't know._ (ahem, it makes for fun writing?_) Her high pitched scream didn't bother Alex anymore, she was immune to it. Joe, on the other hand, flinched, ruining the moment.

"Damn Katy…" Alex murmured just loud enough for him to hear.

He looked at her, agreeing, before letting go of her and running off.

Alex breathed for the first time in minutes, and followed him to a distressed sounding Katy…

...

Eventually, everyone was reunited at the source of the screams. Alex and Joe were the last ones to follow the trail that the huge wheel was carving through the jungle to meet everyone.

"What on earth's going on?" Alex cried. This excuse better be good.

"Well, the three of them are still bashing away at each other," Kevin began, referring to Jack, Nozzie, and Will.

"I leave her alone for _two_ minutes," said Hazel. "And, in a similar manner to Jack, Katy manages to get herself stuck in the wheel."

"Just as predicted," Joe grinned.

Katy, who was clinging on for dear life, hanging upside down in middle of the wheel became even more anguished. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET ME OUT OF HERE YOU IDIOTS!"

"We're working on it!" Nick yelled.

When Hazel saw Jack running in the wheel hamster style, she remembered something. "Duck!"

Jack just about avoided being knocked unconscious by a metal bar. Due to Katy's incessant shrieking, it was rather difficult for the guys to remember why exactly they were all fighting in the first place, but it still didn't stop them.

Jack looked at Hazel and Katy's other friends desperately between avoiding Will or Nozzie. He was never too fond of Katy while she was in hysterics. Particularly when they were in an enclosed space, such as a prison cell. Or a large, revolving wheel.

Her friends knew she needed to get out that thing fast: no, not because she may become very dizzy or injured. The real reason was that once or twice, when the sword bashing came close to Katy's head, it resulted in her screaming even louder.

"Is she... alright?" Nozzie watched her anxiously.

"You'd _think_ she was being bloody tortured," Jack responded, lashing at him.

Will just wished the girl had burst his eardrums already.

Meanwhile, Hazel was attempting to conjure up a way to stop the noise, while somehow keeping up with the wheel – which was getting faster. Her friends were no help at all, and were growing quite pale, mainly just hoping that Davy Jones's crew was too close...

However, Hazel soon she had a cunning plan.

"Jack," she called. "Just..." she pointed at Katy, then aimed her thumb behind her back. Gosh, how the heck do you describe that gesture? If you don't know what I mean, Hazel was basically saying _"Just... grab Katy and throw her away."_

A very imaginative Katy-ridding process. But miraculously, it worked.

"Simplicity is genius," called Jack, and attempted to escape the wheel himself.

On the jungle floor, Katy looked nauseas. But at least she was silent.

Joe was still worried. "Have I gone deaf?"

"I just had a near death experience..." Katy breathed, struggling to get up.

Alex rolled her eyes. "All the life-threatening danger we've been in so far, and you think that was bad?!"

Katy was too shaken up to reply.

In the distance, they heard Will and James - screaming like Katy had previously done, only it was _slightly_ more manly. The wheel must have veered off the cliff and picked up some speed.

"Thank goodness we got you out before _that_ happened," Nick said, helping her up and giving everyone fearful looks just thinking about it.

Hazel set off to lead the group. "Come on, guys, we've got to stay near Jack, because there are crustacean things running around, and-"

"Speak of the devil," gasped Katy.

A half sea monster, half man was approaching, and everyone stopped in their tracks. But just before it reached them, a fruit of some sort, came flying through the air and knocked the creature's weapon – the chest – out of its hands. Its head was decapitated, too.

"Nice shot," Joe called over to the distance.

Jack looked pleased with himself and meandered over to them, while Nick, Joe and Kevin occupied themselves by playing 'keep away' with the creature's head.

"Anito, follow my voice!" said the creature's head. "To the left."

"No, to the right!" laughed Kevin, passing the head to Nick.

Anito's body, now very confused, walked straight into a tree.

"Key, please?" Jack asked Hazel.

She reached into her pocket... but paused, grinning. So this is what it feels like to have valuable leverage. "What if I didn't give it to you?"

Just as Jack began to look intrigued, Katy and Alex looked at each other, eyes rolling.

"Hazel, please play your mind games later, as we may be killed by more of these sea monstery things in the very near future," Alex said, in her motherly tone.

Hazel knew she was right and begrudgingly gave Jack the key.

He knelt down to the chest, placed the key into the quite bizarre looking mechanism, and opened it up. Bolts all over the place flew open and he slowly lifted the lid, as Hazel, Katy and Alex watched on. There's something quite disconcerting about a heart beating when it's not already in somebody. All scientific and logical reasons aside, Jack picked it up, examining it.

"You might want to run!" Joe cried.

Not too far off, Elizabeth, Pintel and Regetti were attempting to fight off the _entirety _of Davy Jones's crew (minus Anito), with only two swords between the three of them. And they were all approaching quite fast.

After slamming shut the chest and hiding the heart somewhere on his person (ew) Jack ran for the boat, followed by everyone else.

Eventually they emerged from the shrubbery, where they found the boat, in amongst the rest of the island, which was beginning to flood. It seems the majority of this island is underwater when the tide's in.

Jack skipped frantically over the waterlogged sand, much like those lizards that run on water. By the time our posse had caught up with him, Jack was hastily shoving handfuls of dirt into his jar to cover up the heart.

Hazel was thinking about how different things would be if he just kept the heart...

"You're going to regret doing that," she suggested.

Jack wasn't convinced at all. "Hazel, love, how could my ingenious plan possibly fail? See, when you're as intelligent as me... " Jack trailed off when a monstery type thing attacked him from behind.

Hazel sighed. "You'll soon see why. _Then _you might believe us..."

"We were right about these things attacking us," added Alex.

"_Us?_ What do you mean 'attacking us'? They're attacking me!" Jack was already working up a sweat trying to get rid of the thing attacking them. "I'm fine, by the way!" He directed that phrase at Hazel, who had used it earlier.

"Fine, I get your point."

"Then stop sitting there pretending to be deep in thought and _do_ something!" Jack yelled, irritably.

Kevin and Joe took a hint and grabbed the other oar to help him out.

"Oh, but I am deep in thought," Hazel sighed.

"_Ohh_," Jack imitated. He stopped bashing the fish man and looked at them."What gives you lot the right to stand there and pass judgement, reading peoples' thoughts, which I'm assuming is to deliberately scare the wits out of them... when you don't have to help at all?"

There was an eerie silence.

"Disney..." Katy finally muttered.

Hazel did her best to ignore him, as she was still in very deep thought. She was seriously considering taking the heart while Jack was distracted. As the movie was real (apparently), it might save a lot of time and effort... even lives possibly, if the East India Trading whatnot never got it. Then again, messing with the plot of the movie and not knowing it was going to end happily really freaked her out... so she left it in the jar.

The rest of baddies were gaining, Elizabeth and her friends really weren't doing enough to stop them. As Jack was defending himself with his oar, the wheel, along with Will and James, had appeared out of nowhere. Alex, Katy and Hazel were now laughing their heads off as they watched a very dizzy Will attempt to clamber out of it.

Will almost seemed disgruntled. He pulled out his sword like a true hero. "Right," he said, walking towards the battle - and falling flat on his face.  
(I think you'll agree – that was Will Turnip's GOLDEN MOMENT.)

Suddenly, a monstery thingy lurched at Katy with a sword, immediately halting the laughing. Nick came out of nowhere and fought off a potential attacker.

"Hey," Nick said breathlessly between slashes.

"Hi," replied Katy calmly, feeling slight bad.

The three girls stood still whilst the brawling went on around them.

"Hmmmm," pondered Hazel. "Maybe, just _maybe_… we should have learnt some sword fighting."

"Yeah. I kind of feel a bit left out," said Alex.

"You know all those times on the ship when we were doing nothing? We should have been practising!"

"Exactly. I feel far too much like a damsel in distress. Even Elizabeth is using her sword…"

"Two swords, actually," Alex glanced at her.

"No!" cried Katy. "She's cooler than us!"

"We've sunk to a new low," Hazel said grimly. She watched as Norrington rummaged through Jack's jar of dirt. "And there goes the whole reason the third movie started," she murmured to herself.

"But just in case… yeah, let's ask for some lessons," said Alex. "There's more sword related brawling to come and-"

"Sorry to cut you off, Alex, but I have to go for two seconds…" Katy randomly ran away, towards Jack and the small boat. Hazel and Alex looked at each other blankly and followed her.

They saw Will, looking incredibly confused, holding the chest. Then they saw Jack brandishing an oar behind him.

"Jack! OI!" Katy yelled.

He turned. "I was about to knock him out, what do you want?"

"I WANT REVENGE!" Katy snarled with anger in her voice. She grabbed the oar off Jack and held it high in the air.

"Don't we all," muttered Jack as he reluctantly watched Katy go absolutely crazy.

"THIS IS FOR THE TIME YOU WHACKED ME IN THE CAVE, TURNIP!" Katy screeched.

Will looked around himself. "What?"

Katy hesitated no longer and hit him round the head. Hard. He fell unconscious.

Katy dropped the oar. "That felt so good!"

Alex, Hazel and the JoBros burst out laughing. "Nice one, Katy."

Katy grinned ear to ear.

However, some might argue that Katy repeatedly banging Will's head against a bone cage, Nick and Joe assaulting him and the amount of verbal abuse he had received over the past while was revenge enough. Nonetheless, somebody needed to knock him out at that moment, right?

Meanwhile, Elizabeth came over running to see if Will was ok.

"Leave him lie!" commanded Jack. "Unless you plan on using him to hit something with."

Katy's eyes lit up as she stepped forwards to volunteer.

"No no," Hazel gestured for Katy to stop without even having to look at her, knowing her best friend well enough.

Katy huffed. "HaZEL_!" _she whined.

"Oh, well sorry. I forgot how heavy he is, and how weak you are," she sarcastically replied. "Please amuse us all and go ahead."

"We might have no choice..." muttered Kevin, edging in closer towards the boat as the group became completely surrounded.

"We're not getting out of this," said Elizabeth.

"Not with the chest," Nozzie grabbed it.

"You're mad!" cried Elizabeth.

"Don't wait for me." And off James ran. Monster things followed him - quite handy.

"I…I say we respect his final wish," suggested Jack.

"AYE!"

They may not have been so quick to leave if they knew that Norrington had worked out Jack's 'ingenious plan', and was actually the one in procession of heart...

So off they went in the longboat, back out to the ship. Jack thinking he had everything he needed. An unconscious Turnip. A pleased-looking Katy. The JoBros were also reasonably content (although Joe was slightly frustrated). But Alex was very confused about her feelings, and Hazel was extremely worried, because she knew exactly what scenes were coming up…


	13. Kicking Kraken Ass

_As I'm anxious about certain people coming to 'find' me (dark alleyways have never been the same...) for not updating, here's the latest chapter :D_

_As always, reviews are love._

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**Kicking Kraken Ass**

Back on the Pearl, there was some time for everyone to catch up. Hazel needed to know what she had missed.

"So what's happening with Alex and Joe?" Hazel asked.

"They both think they're being very subtle," Katy rolled her eyes.

"They're about as subtle as being hit in the face with a shovel," sighed Hazel. Just as Alex approached.

"I have questions for you," Hazel said to her. "And remember... I have a talent for getting the truth out of people. And I'll interrogate you until-"

"What questions?" Alex shut her up.

"Well for a start..." Hazel thought. "What happened, precisely, while I was off stuck with Turnip?"

"Nothing," Alex said blankly.

Katy raised an eyebrow and decided to speak on behalf of her friend. "Alex expects you to be ever so thankful because she went to ridiculous lengths employing all of us to prevent any Sparrabethy happenings."

"Really?" Hazel's eyes widened.

"But," began Katy. "She didn't even need to go to afore mentioned ridiculous lengths. Because as an expert,_ I_ knew that nothing would happen between them. And I was right. Not the _only_ thing I was right about..."

"I appreciate both of your inputs into my personal business," grimaced Hazel. "You know what? You two always get to go gallivanting, and I'm always stuck somewhere else. I haven't even been to Tortuga yet!"

"Lucky you," Alex said bitterly. "It's not really a place where innocent girls such as us should hang out, if you get my jist."

They reflected for a while.

Katy was never too good at keeping quiet, though. "I'm glad you're okay. Davy Jones seems like a cruel guy," Katy said to Hazel.

"I'm fine, honestly!" insisted Hazel. "You get used to being flipping kidnapped all the time. And I discovered something quite interesting while I was there."

"Really? What?"

"Will… Will has a really nice back."

Alex and Katy looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

"What is _wrong_ with both of you?" cried Alex. "First Katy goes and kisses him..."

Katy grabbed Alex by the neck. "Is _that_ never speaking of it ever again?"

"It's not so nice now," continued Hazel. "But before he was whipped, I swear…. you trying to picture it?"

"Hazel. We can't," stated Katy.

"Orlando Bloom must have a back double!"

The laughter soon died down. "Seriously though, Hazel, it would suck if he'd hurt you. Being shot was pretty bad for me, and well, you're my friend…"

"Alex, enough with the friendship talk."

"I was worried, okay?" Alex insisted.

"Feeling the need to throw up…" Hazel joked.

"That makes two of us," added Katy.

"But this is the second time you've managed to get yourself kidnapped!"

"But I was _fine_ both times. And, well… you know what they say, third time's a charm. Maybe something exciting will happen to me the next-"

"Don't jinx it," warned Katy

"Just relax!" said Hazel. "I'm talking to you, Alex."

"Sorry… I worry," Alex mumbled.

"I know you do, dear!" Hazel hugged her friend. "You've got to loosen up. Everything will be fine. Now let's kick some kraken ass!"

Jack passed by, prancing about with his jar of dirt and being quite arrogant, as usual.

"Where's the Commodore?" asked Gibbs.

"Fell behind," shrugged Jack.

Gibbs stopped in his tracks. "My prayers be with him..."

Katy saw this display of humanity and had one of her great, sudden surges of emotion. "Awww!" and so she hugged him. Poor Gibbs didn't see it coming.

Meanwhile Hazel followed Jack up to the helm, trying to reason with Jack. "Look. You are all fictional characters in our world. We know the plot, the dialogue, the characters..."

"Do you know how amazingly absurd you're sounding right now, love?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"I _usually_ sound absurd. It's a trait!" retorted Hazel.

Gibbs somehow managed to escape Katy and ran up the stairs. "Anyways, Cap'n. The bright side is you're back, and made it free and clear!"

"Don't speak too soon..." muttered Alex.

Sure enough, there was a huge crashing sound, and Flying Dutchman emerged from below the sea, right beside the ship. Looked quite menacing, too. Most people were frozen to the spot in fear.

"Lord on high, deliver us..." Gibbs made the sign of the cross.

Alex and Hazel had to hold back Katy before she tried to hug him again. Thankfully Nick and his brothers appeared to calm the girls down.

"It looks a lot scarier in real life," commented Nick.

Jack, of course, was not scared. Only because he thought that he had the heart. "I'll handle this, mates," he said, pushing ever0ne back, jar of dirt at his side. "OI! FISH FACE!" Jack called over to Davy Jones.

Jonesy didn't look too impressed.

Jack was now wielding his jar above his head. "Lose something? EH? Scungilli..."

Yes, then he was cut off and he tumbled head first down the stairs. Quite painfully. A series of sympathetic "oooh!"s were heard. Any sane man would have been knocked out by now.

"Smooth..." remarked Hazel.

But alas, Jack, not being a sane man, was (somehow) not actually unconscious. And he never lost faith. "GOT IT!" he was on his feet again, jar intact, grinning like there was no tomorrow. "Come to negotiate, have you, you slimy git!" he walked across the deck, treating this jar like the crown jewels. "Look what I got! I've got a jar of dirt, I've got a jar of dirt... and guess what's inside it?" Jack held it high above his head, despite the crew looking at him like he'd gone quite insane, and Davy Jones on the Dutchman was ready to blow up his ship.

While he sang and teased, Alex muttered to Hazel, "And all our hopes are pinned on that jar of dirt?"

"All our hopes are pinned on that jar of dirt," Hazel replied, satisfied enough.

They watched as waterlogged cannons appeared from the Dutchman. Jack's smug grin was promptly wiped off. "Hard to starboard?" he muttered.

"Hard to starboard!" screeched Elizabeth.

"Owww." Our heroes had their hands clasped to their ears, attempting to soothe their near bursting eardrums. Does her voice need to be so flipping excruciating?

It was a bit chaotic, but after a few explosions, they'd outrun the Dutchman's scary guns. Will still seemed a bit restless. He consulted his new psychic/ counsellor, AKA - Hazel.

"Yes, Will, we really are a faster ship."

"But we don't-"

"We're faster _with_ the wind."

"We rob her advantage? Can we take her?"

Hazel sighed. She was sick of him already. "Patience, young grasshopper. We will destroy it in good time."

Unfortunately, Jack, who was half steering and half cradling his jar, overheard. "And when's this happening, exactly?"

"Not yet. Will's not done with his character development yet," smirked Katy.

Will flinched.

"Sorry, but you're not!" Katy cried.

"You have to get much cooler first," Kevin nodded.

The crew were cheering and celebrating outrunning the Dutchman. False joy. And our posse knew it, and it made them uncomfortable. Jack was smiling at down at his crew. Thinking he'd escaped certain death. He looked at Hazel, who was biting her nails, worried about surviving the next bit...

Before Jack could confront her, Will butted in. "My father is on that ship. If we can outrun her, we can take her. We should turn and fight!"

Jack looked off into the distance, rolling his eyes, thinking _Damn William Turner and all his nobleness. _"Why fight when you can negotiate?" Jack replied to him.

"Pacifism is the way forward," nodded Alex, actually agreeing with Jack for once.

"Pacifism and persuasion." Hazel was proud of this new motto.

"Exactly. All one needs is the proper leverage," Jack looked lovingly at his jar, which he gave pride of place on the railing.

Then there was a huge shake which knocked most people off their feet. The jar went flying, and Jack was horror-struck.

"Owwwth. I bith my tongthue," complained Katy, struggling to stand again.

Nick laughed. "Your lisp is back!"

"I missed it. It gave you character," smiled Alex.

Hazel followed a distressed Jack down to the broken shards of glass and scattered sand. "Do you remember a time when I said that you would regret putting the heart in your bloody jar?" she asked, highly amused.

Jack fell to his knees, madly searching through the dirt, to try to prove her wrong. "Where is it...?" he murmured to himself. He resembled a dog trying desperately to dig a hole in the ground with its paws.

Hazel just laughed. She was caught off-guard when he suddenly came face to face with her.

"Fine," Jack said grudgingly. "_Fine._ You know the future, okay? Now tell me where the bloody thump-thump is!"

Hazel wavered.

"Tell me," he warned.

"Sorry, but it's long gone. Norrington has it, and that's the reality of it. It seems he figured out your _ingenious plan_." She paused. "Seriously."

Jack let this sink in. "Bugger."

Katy wandered over, panicking. "This ship could do with being a bit sturdier..."

She might as well have insulted his mother. "She's perfectly capable," Jack glowered.

Then somebody shouted "It's the kraken!"

"Not capable enough for that," Hazel murmured, turning to go and do the only thing she could do – _hide_.

Jack didn't let her leave. "We're going. Now."

"What?"

"I have just lost my leverage, and just for the record, I blame _you_."

"It's hardly my fault," Hazel sighed.

"I didn't say that. I just said I was blaming you," snapped Jack. "We have _got_ to leave!"

"It's not the end of the world," she said, feigning sympathy. "I always knew you had some sort of emotional attachment to that jar of dirt."

"Let's go, love." His cowardly instincts were beginning to get the better of him.

"You admitted yourself; I know the future, and I know we'll be fine!"

"I lied. It's called persuasion."

"It's called being an idiot."

He hesitated. "It's your funeral."

"Yeah, and all my friends' funerals. If I'm leaving, I'm leaving with them."

He shook his head. "You have too much honour for a woman."

Oh, sure. Just when you actually _need _a feminist monologue from Katy, she runs off. So Hazel had to think of a better plan. "You used to have too much honour for a _pirate_."

"Used to?"

"You call what you're proposing _honour_? You should stay and help."

He shrugged that off, still concerned with the original dilemma. "So you choose death, then."

"I choose not to leave my friends high and dry."

"So... death." He was still determined to persuade her, as he could anyone. "There's no way we could all go, there's only one boat and-"

"And therefore it's assumed that you have the authority to pick and choose the survivors?" Hazel didn't even know why she was bothering. He'd come back, anyway.

"Darling. I'm the captain," he said smugly, an obvious reply to anyone questioning what he can and can't do.

She laughed. "A captain that goes off and abandons his crew. Off you go."

"Wench," he hissed over his shoulder, storming off.

She rolled her eyes at his back, having the satisfaction that she knew he'd come crawling back for sure.

Meanwhile, a whole manner of orders was being shouted... by Will? He now knows he needs the Pearl to free his father, so he's decided that he already owns the ship, apparently. He might as well, Jack was gone...

"Are you okay?" Alex asked Hazel.

Hazel snapped out of her daydream. "Yeah. Maybe. I don't know."

"Great. What did he do now?" Alex rolled her eyes.

"He called me 'darling' and 'wench' on practically the same breath!" whined Hazel.

"Where's the safest place?" asked Nick, appearing all in a fluster.

Ah, yes, the imminent concern -the kraken was still coming to try to kill everybody.

"Em... probably not out here in the open?" suggested Hazel.

Alex led them all to the captain's cabin, which was partially destroyed by cannon fire, but still, it would do. At least it seemed a bit safer than wandering around aimlessly on the deck. Joe grabbed a handful of weapons for them.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "We have no idea how to use those things."

"You could probably work it out if the kraken was trying to devour you," Hazel decided.

They could only sit and wait...

"Why isn't Jack telling us to stay out of here, like he always does?" Kevin asked, perking up.

"Because he's too busy running away," grumbled Hazel.

Kevin raised his hands defensively. "Oh."

"Cheer up. He comes back, shoots a barrel, and miraculously we're all saved," said Joe.

"Heck, anyone could shoot some barrels. _I _could shoot barrels," Katy realised. "He might look more badass with a gun than me, but still..."

The silence on the ship grew prominent, everyone was terrified. Weren't they all lucky that Will was there, shouting lovely, reassuring things, such as...

"Easy boys!" Turnip's voice echoed throughout the ship.

"_Easy boys?"_ repeated Hazel incredulously.

"What the flip was that?"

"That doesn't sound straight at all..."

"Hold. Hold!" Will ordered.

Just then they saw the kraken's tentacles started slowly creeping through the shattered windows into the cabin.

"Oh. My. Gosh," choked Katy, edging away.

"Will!" Elizabeth prompted.

"Fire, before I make you a eunuch, Turnip!" Alex screamed.

He eventually gave the order, and after a few loud booms from the cannon, the tentacles were once again submerged. The kraken even made a sort of screeching sound -kind of like Elizabeth in a mood, but a little more fierce.

This resulted in a succession of cheering all round. This crew's made up of imbeciles, every time they celebrate something, it turns out for the worst...

Hazel and co. looked outside, watching Will act like an apprentice captain of some sort. "Pull the crates! Get all the gunpowder onto a net in the cargo hold!" He gave a gun to Elizabeth, and she strangely seemed to know exactly what to do – the mystical power of love and all that...

"Wait. I have to go threaten Will." Hazel then disappeared down some stairs.

Crew members were gathering up all the gunpowder, which came to a measly six barrels.

Gibbs passed Will. "There's only half a dozen kegs of powder!"

Will thought. What is Jack's ship bound to be in plentiful supply of? "Then load the rum," he dismissed the matter.

There was an eerie silence and everyone stopped in their tracks. Gibbs and the rest of the crew were in serious shock.

"Will... how _could _you?" Hazel asked him, pretending to be just as shocked.

"Aye, the rum too," Gibbs reluctantly ordered, looking absolutely crestfallen, bless him.

It was as if they were going to be exploding diamonds or something. The crew were practically in tears.

"Good grief, William," began Hazel. "You can thank your lucky stars that Jack didn't hear that. It's funny... when Elizabeth blew up his supply of rum on this island place, he very nearly used his only shot to _kill_ her... but I hear he carries more shots these days."

Turnip had a change in face, now looking quite worried. "Don't tell him," he yelped.

Hazel sidled away, quite content.

"What was that all about?" Katy demanded upon Hazel returning.

"Will just gave an order to blow up all the rum, so I threatened to tell Jack. I got me some leverage," Hazel grinned.

"Leverage for what?"

"I don't quite know yet. I'm just seeing what all the bloody fuss is about."

"And speaking of Jack, is he that dot in the distance?" Alex angrily pointed to a boat some distance away from the ship. "Because I'm really starting to see the insanity of us dying here because of his stupid debt..."

"Yes, that's him, being a coward," Hazel glared at the dot, hoping it had telescopic vision and was looking in her direction at this very moment. "And the dot better hurry up and get back here, as he has stolen the only boat... Katy, stop looking at me like that!"

"It's just odd how he abandoned you," Katy explained.

Hazel didn't appreciate this. "Have you nothing better to do? _Stop_ analysing us. Or I'll analyse you and Nick, and I won't be kind about it either." She turned to Nick. "No offense."

"None taken."

"But, Hazel, he is obviously besotted."

"Yep. That's why he ran off," Hazel sighed.

"I heard what happened," disrupted Joe. "He was asking you to come with him."

Katy all of a sudden looked full of herself. "See?"

Hazel was irritated. "Joe. You and your flipping _ears_..."

A huge shake silenced her – then they all knew what was coming.

"Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap..." that was all that was heard before a loud roar, then a lot of screaming. The kraken's tentacles began ripping through the wooden ship like a hot knife in butter. Hazel, Katy and Alex spent a lot of time clinging to any male who had access to a weapon and didn't look too afraid to lash at the occasional tentacle.

"HAZEL?" Katy shouted through the uproar, dodging flying splinters of wood. "How exactly is this us 'kicking kraken ass'"?

"It isn't."


	14. Short lived victory

_All reviews were greatly appreciated lovies ;)  
__I made the mistake of reading Sunshine's review in an extremely unproductive English Lit class the other day. It was TOTAL silence in the room... until I started giggling like a maniac. For a good ten minutes, might I add. Thank your cousin for a REALLY good laugh!_

_Hazel_

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**Short lived victory...**

Fighting the Kraken is a lot less fun in real life.

For a start, Turnip of all people was the sole provider of motivation. "HuuuH! Come and get me! I'm over here!" Will obviously thinks he's a hard man, swinging from the net and yelling stuff that.

Katy was clinging to Nick as usual, only this time her life actually depended on it. Just as Joe had sunk an axe into a tentacle, it grabbed his wrist, pinned him to the ground and dragged him away.

Not before Alex chopped away said tentacle to save him.

Katy and Hazel witnessed this. "That should have been the other way around," they both said in unison.

"Thanks," Joe breathed, before grabbing Alex and running to somewhere that vaguely looked safe. Such places were becoming very scarce.

The crew was being wiped out, and the girls had way too many near death encounters. They were really desperate, and just needed to grab the nearest gun and shoot the barrels. If Will happened to be hanging upside down by his ankle from the netting at the time, that was Will's problem. This madness needed to end.

Just as a gun was knocked just out of Kevin's reach, Hazel ran up to the helm and got hold of it, starting to aim_. "No way is Elizabeth cool enough for this," _she thought smugly. Will had just managed to free himself, and this was her chance. Except that bloody net was swinging too fast for her to keep up with. And she knew rightly that she couldn't screw this up.

Just as she was panicking, somebody steadied Hazel's left hand, helping her aim in the right direction. Well, it wasn't her fault; anybody would be shaking under this much pressure. Then, they wrapped their other arm around her and slowly put their fingers over hers, at the trigger. Whoever this person was, they clearly had no sense of personal space. Hazel glanced down for a second. Weird. They had a ring just like...

"_Now_," whispered Jack in her ear, helping Hazel to squeeze the trigger.

Alex was watching along with Katy, smirking. "No leg grabbing action for her, then."

"This is much more better."

Success; barrels exploded with menace, even producing a small mushroom cloud. The Kraken was surprisingly flammable, and retreated.

Hazel decided against telling Jack that he'd just assisted her to burn all the rum. It was really Will's fault, anyway.

"I knew you'd be back," she grinned at him, smug.

"I know," Jack smiled, gradually easing the weapon out of Hazel's hands. "Remind me to teach you how to use a gun."

She shrugged. "Or... I could just live with you guiding me."

There were only about a dozen or so people on the ship left alive. This time, they didn't cheer and gloat. Gibbs soon came looking for Jack.

"Cap'n! Orders!"

Will looked disappointed as Gibbs walked straight past him. Ha. As long as Jack was back, the ship wasn't under Turnip's command anymore.

Jack sighed and turned away from Hazel, heading down the stairs. "Abandon ship," he muttered, handing Gibbs the gun. "Into the longboat."

Those were probably some of the most difficult words Jack has ever had to say. Still, everybody began to obey the order. They'd all seen what that kraken could do and weren't going to hang around waiting for more.

"But Jack, it's the Pearl," insisted Gibbs, in some sort of disbelief.

Hazel was watching them carefully. It was just painful seeing Jack this depressed.

"She's only a ship, mate," Jack said solemnly, looking back at Hazel.

"He's right, we have to head for land," Elizabeth added.

Everybody looked out to the 'land'. A faint shape against the horizon.

"It's a lot of open water."

"It's a lot of water."

"Good observation, Sherlock," snapped Katy, rather sarcastically, at Pintel and Regetti.

"We have to try," said Will. "We can get away as it takes down the Pearl."

Gee, thanks for that, Turnip. Everyone was trying to be quite subtle about it. Jack's about to give up the most important thing in his life and Will goes and makes it bloody obvious.

"Abandon ship," Gibbs gave the order sombrely. They could almost feel the impending sense of doom. "Abandon ship or abandon hope."

Everybody sprung into action. Except Jack. He'd just given his own ship the death sentence, and clearly wasn't managing it all that well.

"Well, that was unlike you," Hazel said to him. "I thought it was never 'just a ship'. It's freedom, right?"

Jack looked pained, leaning on the mast. "Must you be so difficult?" he muttered.

Hazel winced.

"Get in the boat, love."

"But it's-"

"_Go_." He said that in a tone she didn't want to argue with, so off Hazel went. She helped Joe hand down some supplies for a few minutes, keeping an eye of Elizabeth and any smart ideas she might have. Hazel had a new theory, and Lizzie says it herself in the movie – _"He elected to stay behind to give us a chance."_ So maybe Jack was already going to stay behind... Yes. She was _sure _of it.

Hazel did a quick head count (she likes doing these) to make sure everyone was in the boat and not left to die somewhere; a few random yet somewhat significant pirates, Elizabeth (quite importantly), Will, Katy, Nick, Kevin… And Jack was busy saying goodbye to his ship - she would go make her peace with him in a minute.

Was somebody missing? She pondered this whilst absentmindedly with Joe cracking jokes in her ear. Today the topic was midgets. (Don't ask).

"….and then the one legged midget says 'That's OK, I ride side saddle!'"

"Joe, shut up a second," Hazel killed the punch line. "Somebody's not in the boat. Who's missing?"

He wasn't looking at her anymore, instead staring at something on the ship.

"Is everybody here?" she asked again.

It was as if he had suddenly become deaf. She assumed he was joking around. Joe's expression was deadpan.

Hazel followed Joe's line of vision towards the mast of the Pearl and saw _it_. I know it's cliché, but she swore somebody had thrown a bucket of freezing cold water on her. Several times. She felt sick to her stomach as her eyes were fixed on…

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_Yes - I just left you on a cliff hanger! Don't kill me (but obviously you'll threaten me) - next chapter's much longer and coming shortly._


	15. Abandon Ship

_Over a hundred flipping reviews! Thank you!!!  
__It's been very interesting reading some theories on this cliff-hanger. "Turnip doing the electric slide" was particularly imaginative. You guys are all awesome, so here's a gift - the final chapter. I'd love to say it was some happy, joyous present from me to you... but... AHEM..._

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**Abandon Ship**_

"Abandon ship," Gibbs had said. "Abandon ship or abandon hope."

Alex went over to join her friends, but then she noticed Elizabeth in the boat, who looked worried and restless for sure, but she clearly had no intentions of going and chaining Jack up... so that the Kraken wouldn't follow them and kill them all. What could she do, force Lizzie to go and do it now?

On the other hand, Alex was the one who made sure nothing happened with Jack and Elizabeth before, as she knew it would crush Hazel. People had changed - this wasn't a movie. But, as much as she hated to admit it, Alex only went to such efforts because she did just _hate_ it when Katy was right, especially after she threw her and Joe into things...

So, now Jack would actually be coming with them. Alex couldn't believe it. And she couldn't let her friends die.

She walked up behind him. Her presence made him turn. "Ah." Jack seemed taken aback. "Shouldn't you be in the boat?"

"Shouldn't you?" she retorted.

Instead of running towards the boat to save his life as she expected, he simply sighed and ignored her, looking up at his ship. She worked out that he probably wanted her to leave him alone, so he could say goodbye to his dear Pearl before leaving it behind.

The two just hated each other, Alex loathing drunken, selfish outlaws and Jack being just that. He would hardly stay to die on his ship if she simply asked him. There was only one way that this would work for sure...

Alex decided that now her priority was keeping all of her friends _alive._ She noticed the chains hanging from the mast... and after checking quickly that everyone else was distracted, she impulsively made a decision.

"Incase we don't make it…" she cooed at him.

Jack turned round again and studied her face.

She struggled to make what she was about to do seem believable. "You know, Jack, I was only ever unkind towards you to hide my true feelings." She walked up to him, so close she could feel his breath on her face.

He raised one eyebrow slightly, and took a step back into his personal space, but Alex just took another step forward.

She lowered her voice. "I always thought you were a thoughtful, daring man," she said softly. She stopped staring at her shoes and looked into his eyes, which made this act extremely difficult.

Jack returned her stare, squinting a little, looking confused... maybe even suspicious.

Alex knew that what she was doing was wrong and prayed nobody saw.

Especially Hazel.

Blinking as she removed that thought from her mind, she leaned forwards and kissed him, but he was completely stiff in shock. She pushed him towards the mast and actually found herself pitying him, because after this she was only going to...

*Click*

Jack pulled away and gave her a dark look.

"We'll die if you come with us," Alex explained her reason faintly, letting go of his bound hand. She could barely think of anything else to say.

A small smile played on his lips. He even looked proud.

"My friends mean more to me." And she couldn't believe she'd stooped to Elizabeth's level to save them...

He was somehow grinning and glowering at the same time. "You _pirate_."

"Just to save my friends," she reminded forcefully. With no time to loose, she turned away, never looking back. Striding hastily across the deck, she knew that everybody was waiting for her, but her racing heart had nothing to do with this brisk walk...

But Alex swore her heart stopped when she caught Hazel glaring at her.

_When did she come on deck? _Alex thought, looking away. After what she'd just done, she couldn't look her friend in the eyes.

Hazel couldn't believe it. She felt like throwing up. Her best friend. And Jack. She took a deep breath. "Don't think I didn't…"

"What?" Alex asked, avoiding her eyes. She was covering up her fear with a bit of…sass. This was exactly what she was hoping wouldn't happen.

Hazel stormed closer towards her. "Don't think I didn't see _that._"

Alex tried to stay calm, and quickly changed the subject. "Come on, get in the boat. We need to get to land. The Kraken will-"

" I saw you."

Alex could feel Hazel still glaring at her fiercely. She began to run her hands through her hair, focusing on the floor even more intently; it might be lying easier… if only she could think of a lie. "I…"

"And he's chained up. Why's that?" she demanded.

Lying was pointless. Alex gradually lifted her head and look at her. Hazel was scowling.

"I'm sorry," Alex mumbled.

Of course, Hazel wasn't in the forgiving mood. "WHY did you do that?" she asked mockingly. "You know I…"

Alex swallowed. She remembered not so long ago, watching Jack help Hazel use the gun. Ugh. Katy had always right about them.

"You just wanted him all to yourself, didn't you? Regardless of anyone else!" Hazel chose to fight with sarcasm - she hadn't slept in days, so _all _rational thought processes had gone. "Oh, and not only that, but once you'd finished with him, you decide to chain him up and leave him for dead!You just couldn't help yourself!"

"That's not true, and you know it."

"I don't know what to believe anymore." Hazel felt tears and turned around. "I can't even look at you."

Alex couldn't believe how much this was tearing her friend apart, but she became she was aware of the danger they were all in. The danger she was desperately trying to save them from. It was important to get as far away from the ship as possible now. They could argue later, at least they'd be alive. "Hazel. Just… at least, please, get in the boat. We need to go."

"Fine," came her sulky reply. It obviously wasn't fine.

"C'mon. It's important we go_ now_ and sort this out _later_."

Hazel sniffed, not moving an inch.

Alex reached out and tried to pull her back to the boat. "Just come and-"

"Don't touch me," she jumped back. "There's blood on your hands..."

"It's not like I killed anyone!" Alex was exasperated. "We'll go and save him later, anyway, what difference does it make?"

Next thing she knew Alex had stepped back, a red mark forming on her face where Hazel had slapped her. She clutched her hot cheek. She didn't expect anything different from Hazel. She had always been this stubborn.

"At least consider your own safety! We need to get off this ship. Now." Alex couldn't say anything more to make her come with them. She walked towards the boat, slowly, and Hazel followed her, thank goodness.

Alex slipped down the ladder in to the boat bobbing in the sea. The boys and Katy were staring at them, completely bewildered at what was going on, obviously they had heard them fighting. Alex didn't care about them right now; she just looked up at Hazel pleadingly.

"Alex, what the-" Katy began.

"Come on, Hazel!" Alex cried, interrupting her.

"Get in!" called Joe from behind her, reaching to help her in.

Hazel lowered herself down the ladder and caught a glimpse of Jack, struggling with the shackles, almost pulling his hand off. Alex could see her hurt expression as she watched him, waveringly. Hazel knew she'd never be able to make it in an overcrowded space with Alex. She made up her mind; looked at a rope, untied it, threw it in the water and kicked the boat away from the ship.

"What the heck is she doing?" cried Katy, confused and angry.

"Hazel? HAZEL!" shouted Kevin at the top of his lungs.

"Row back!" shouted Nick. It was pointless, the current was far too strong and it was blowing up a gale.

Eventually, Gibbs and Will had to start to row away with the waves, and burning tears in Alex's eyes finally surfaced. Alex, Katy, Nick, Joe and Kevin watched on from a distance in their tiny boat. The Kraken was about to swallow up the Pearl.

Alex sniffed and wiped her eyes. She noticed someone staring back at her. Through the kafuffle she saw Joe looking almost sorrowfully at her from the other end of the boat. She had a feeling he knew... surely he would have seen if he was helping Hazel with the crates? Oh, _crap._

"Can somebody _please_ tell me what's going on?" Katy looked at Alex imploringly and decided to get some answers. "Why are Hazel and Jack still on the ship? What are you so upset over?"

The silent group ignored Katy. "Seriously, what did you do?" she demanded again.

Alex tried to look up and speak but all that came out were choked mutterings.

Katy turned to Joe, it was obvious he knew something. "What did she do?"

Joe didn't answer and looked away.

She hated being the last to know. "Well somebody better tell me," she raised her voice, "HAZEL AND JACK ARE DEAD AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY!"

"Katy, calm down." Nick sidled up behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder. She instantly shrugged him off.

"Don't tell me to calm down when my best friend is being devoured be a giant sea monster!" Katy pointed into the distance. The Pearl was being torn apart.

"Please don't yell," mumbled Alex quietly. She couldn't take anymore.

"If you don't tell me…" Katy looked for a threat, and in her desperation, came up with: "I'll hit you."

"Hazel already got that covered," muttered Joe under his breath, finally speaking.

"Oh boy," Kevin rolled his eyes.

"What?" Katy choked. She was somewhat scared. Whatever Alex had done must have been pretty bad for Hazel to actually resort to violence…

Alex's friends had a right to know. Maybe they'd understand that what she did was to save their lives. So she explained everything, just as the ship was being brought down behind her. She noticed Joe hadn't looked at her the whole time.

They were silent once again, this time in pure shock.

"You IDIOT!" Katy exclaimed.

"But I did it for you!"

"Getting Hazel killed is a benefit to me?"

"She chose to stay!"

They argued until the ocean was empty, the Black Pearl gone.

***

Hazel watched their boat quickly drift away with the current. She suddenly felt vulnerable and deserted; here she was on a ship that the Kraken was about to obliterate. What the hell had she just done? Hazel told herself she had nothing to panic over. If she went to the locker, she'd just be rescued. If she died, Tia Dalma could bring her back, right?

Well. It was too late to change her mind now. She went over to Jack, who was shocked at her appearance. "Are you cry-… What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

Hazel didn't even know the answer to that question. "The boat's gone."

"Then where is everyone?"

"_On_ it."

"What, they left you?"

She took a deep breath. "Look, I'm staying."

"Oh, no you're not."

"I'm afraid I am."

"If you stay," he clutched her arm with his free hand. "You're as good as dead."

"I don't have a choice."

"Swim!" Jack tried.

"Land is miles away, and that current is far too strong."

He knew she was right, but was still frustrated. "What's wrong with you? You easily could have got on the longboat."

"No, I couldn't," she winced.

He raised an eyebrow. "You're mad."

"So are you."

"This wasn't voluntary," Jack jangled the shackles.

She bit her lip. "... I know."

He looked at her intensely. "You saw," he said, reading her.

She realised how much she should hate him, and turned away. Hazel couldn't let him talk his way out of this.

"Thought I heard all hell break loose back there," Jack grimaced. "Look, love, I had no-"

"Don't you '_love'_ me!" She silently cursed, realizing how that sounded out loud.

Thankfully he didn't seem to notice. "The only reason why that happened was your charming friend thinking that she was rescuing everyone, which she did accomplish. Nearly."

She rolled her eyes. "And how would you know that?"

"For a start, she told me."

Hazel couldn't buy that, even if it was for her benefit. "Yeah, she just wanted to appear innocent. She thinks she's too good for this whole pirate thing."

Jack didn't want to get involved anymore, and tried to keep things simple. "If I had gone in the boat, the Kraken would just follow us, kill us all, end of."

Hazel scrutinised him, and read between the lines. "Were you _really _going to stay here?"

"Not shackled! I would have given meself a chance."

"Then what was your plan going to be?"

"I was _working_ on it until I was so rudely interrupted."

"I knew it..."

Jack paused. "And yet you never saw your own death? Some psychic you are."

She ignored his point. "But _she_ didn't know that... Ugh. Oh, God. We could have avoided this whole thing!" Hazel had never wanted to turn back time so much in her life.

The whole ship suddenly creaked and tilted, interrupting their petty argument. She remembered the kraken.

"Despite what you've said before, the whole future predicting thing is going very downhill, love."

Hazel was looking around for something, reached down and held out a lamp. "Hurry up."

Jack took it and smashed it against the mast to drip the oil onto this hand and struggled to slide the metal off his wrist.

"Come on…" he willed it. It looked as though he was crushing bones in his hand to escape.

Hazel noticed the Kraken come into view, creeping up the sides of the ship. She was suddenly petrified. Unlike the rest of the time, predicting pretty much everything, she would neverbe prepared for this.

Jack still toiled away. "Got it!" he exclaimed eventually. He showed off his free hand, but Hazel could only gape at the jaws of the thing behind him. He looked over his shoulder.

Quickly, Hazel ran behind the mast for cover because she knew what was coming. The Kraken gave an almighty roar and soon Jack was covered in… stuff.

Hazel peeped out from her shelter. At least when you watch the movie you're not exposed to the _smell_ on top of everything. "Eww... that's just lovely_._"

Jack squinted through slime and looked at Hazel's clean appearance with confusion. "And yet... you somehow knew _that _was coming?" He wiped it off his face as best he could and noticed his hat at his feet.

"Silver lining," Hazel tried to smile, but couldn't hide sheer terror as the tentacles of the monster dominated the entire deck, starting to rip it apart. She looked around herself desperately. It would be impossible to escape now, so she shimmied over closer to him.

"Thank goodness for that, "Jack said, picking up his hat. He looked at her, she was obviously petrified. "You haven't thought this through, have you?"

"We'll be rescued. Trust me," she faked a carefree tone. She knew he'd be alright, her on the other hand...

"There's little incentive for me trust your word anymore," he sighed putting his long lost hat on, wrapping an arm around her protectively as the jaws of the kraken drew closer.

"Believe me on this one," she replied, looking him in the eye, trying to convince herself as well.

"Haven't got much choice, have I?" Jack drew his sword, looking into the jaws of the kraken with determination. "'Ello beasty."

Hazel clutched him and closed her eyes, bracing. Almost immediately they were consumed by darkness.

In those last few moments, Hazel _prayed _that she was on that tiny boat.

***

Meanwhile, back on said rowboat of joys... Katy, after much crying and insulting, had come to a rather nonsensical conclusion.

"_You killed her_." She couldn't bear to look at Alex anymore.

"I'm sure she didn't mean…" Nick interrupted.

"Why are you sticking up for her?" Katy asked him incredulously.

Alex winced, guessing she'd have to get used to this sort of treatment.

"Rather Hazel than everybody," Nick gestured towards the unhappy bunch.

Katy shook her head in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"Well, I just…" he trailed off, realizing how unwise a statement his was.

"Guys, come on," said Kevin in an attempt to calm this heated conversation.

"Kevin. Don't," Joe was staring out at the sea.

Katy couldn't believe what Nick had just said. Did he have no remorse whatsoever? "Are you saying that you're more important than her?"

"No, I didn't mean…."

"It's because you're famous, isn't it? You think you'd be more _missed _than her or something?"

Nick's face became deadly serious. "You know that's not true."

"Do I?" After all that had happened, Katy didn't know what to believe anymore.

They stared at each other, a competition that they were both losing.

"If you think that's what I'm like…" said Nick finally. "I'm not sure we should be together."

"Fine then," said Katy. "If that's how you feel… I guess it's over, then."

"Come on, guys..." Kevin began. This was getting ridiculous. Since when did this little adventure land them all into a melodrama?

Katy stomped to the other end of the boat (if it's possible, considering how small it is) and sat down next to Elizabeth. She stared out at the horizon, angrily scrubbing at her eyes.

Nick raked his fingers through his curly hair, sighed and sat down in the empty seat next to Alex.

"Thanks for that," he whispered.

"How was that my fault?" she cried, anger simmering inside her.

"If you hadn't tried to '_save us all,'_" he made quotation mark gestures with his fingers. "Hazel and Jack would still be alive, Joe would be talking and Katy and I …" He trailed off and looked sadly over at Katy who wasn't even trying to hide her tears anymore.

"Well, I didn't just _try _to save us, I succeeded to a certain extent..." Alex tried, looking at Joe gazing at the sea. His face was turned away and she couldn't make out what he was thinking.

"Yeah, that worked out well," Nick exhaled. "Just…don't try and be a hero again. Okay?"

Alex turned to look Nick straight in the eye expecting to see him seething with rage. But he looked so sad, his hands clasped together.

"I'm sorry." The phrase she knew she'd be repeating for a long time now. And it didn't even come close to sum up how she felt.

Nick turned to look at her as if he wanted to forgive her. All he managed was a small nod with one of those smiles that comes out more like a frown.

The mood on the boat couldn't have been more awkward. In less than an hour, not only were Jack and Hazel were seemingly dead, but Katy and Nick had split up. And everybody seemed to hate Alex. They sat in complete silence, the others, like Gibbs, were pretending not to listen, rowing away. Nobody said a word but everyone's thoughts were roaring loud inside their heads. Everything began to sink in.

***

As they came up the river, closer to Tia Dalma's place, they noticed dozens of people in the shallower water, holding candles and humming, guiding them into the dense jungle. It was as if they were attending a memorial service. As creepy as this was, the cohort entered into Tia's shack. She looked at their expressions and nodded. She knew exactly what had happened.

They spaced out and sat down in the candlelight room, glad not to be cooped up on the small longboat anymore. Everybody needed some room. It was totally silent apart from Will, who was continuingly stabbing a wooden table with a knife. Quite annoying, but nobody was going to tell him to shut up.

Tia came round with a tray of drinks, first to Katy and Elizabeth. They hesitated. "Against the cold… and the sorrow." Eventually, they each took a mug.

She moved on to Will. "It's a shame. I know you're thinking that with the Pearl, you could have captured the devil and set free your father's soul."

Will looked down at his blade. The knife Bootstrap had given him. "It doesn't matter now," he sighed. "The Black Pearl is gone… along with its captain."

Elizabeth did her best to comfort Will. "You'll still free your father; didn't one of the girls confirm it?"

"That would be the one who's gone, now..." Will replied, disheartened.

Tears continued to stream down Alex's face as she was reminded of what she had done. She took a drink and clutched it tight.

"Already, the world seems a bit less bright," said Gibbs, who was wandering around outside. "He fooled us all right till the end, but I guess Jack's honest streak finally won out…"

Alex flinched. What honest streak? He was acting as if Jack had willingly stayed...

"To Jack Sparrow and Hazel Depp!" Gibbs raised his drink, interrupting everyone's thoughts.

Everybody joined him in the salute.

"Never another like Captain Jack."

"Hazel was a really good friend…" nodded Katy.

Alex raised her glass slightly, but she couldn't drink. She wasn't going to accept this.

Yet more silence ensued. Joe was outside, leaning over the railing, still not talking to anyone. His two brothers joined him, while Katy glowered at Alex from the other side of the room.

Alex looked up and their eyes met.

"Well, I hope you're happy…" Katy said.

"Sorry to disappoint," Alex muttered through tears.

Katy walked over to her and lowered her voice. "We'll get Jack back, you know that, but Hazel? She's gone, Alex!"

"No, she's not," Alex told herself.

"What if she didn't go to the locker with Jack? She wasn't the one who had a 'debt'. She's dead."

"Stop saying that," Alex told her. "It's isn't true."

Katy collapsed down beside her, also crying at this stage. "She was my best friend!"

"She _IS_ your best friend," Alex attempted to correct Katy. She couldn't let this get to the stage where they referred to Hazel in the past tense.

"If there was anything that could be done…" Will started, looking at his knife.

"Anything to bring them back," finished Elizabeth. "Is there?"

Tia Dalma suddenly tuned into the conversation.

"Will you do it? Hmm?" she asked the four of them. "What would you…" she looked out at the brothers lingering outside. "What would any of you be willing to do?"

They slowly stepped inside. It was nice to hear some lines from the movie again, it distracted even slightly from their sorry situation. Alex was thanking goodness that the movie was getting back on track and Tia Dalma finally suggested the whole trip to world's end... if they at least had a task ahead of them, then perhaps it would distract from all that happened before. And Alex needed to prove to that Hazel wasn't dead...

"Would you sail to the ends of the earth and beyond to fetch back witty Jack and his bonnie lass Hazel?"

Will looked disgruntled.

"And while you're at it, the Black Pearl?" Tia continued.

Will nodded and looked satisfied. Meanwhile Alex was relieved, Tia had said confirmed they were getting Hazel back.

There was hush at Tia Dalma's question. Gibbs looked around himself and stepped forward.

"Aye," he said proudly. Trust Gibbs to be the first.

"Aye!" cried Katy.

"Aye," Alex muttered quietly.

Pintel stood up. "Aye,"

He was followed by Regetti. "Aye."

"Aye," said Cotton's parrot, (who is yet to be named).

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Aye!" said all three of the brothers, putting on their best piratey voices, which sounded weird because of their accents, but still. It was the enthusiasm that counted.

"Yes…" said Elizabeth. Possibly, she was too posh for the word 'aye'.

"Aye," Will said finally.

Woah, that was a heck of a lot of 'ayes'.

Tia grinned. "All right. But if you're going to brave the weird and haunted shores at World's End, then you will need a captain who knows those waters."

Katy stood up quickly. She knew what was coming.

Footsteps were heard descending down some stairs. Everyone gathered, staring in awe.

"_Barbie,"_ thought Katy and Alex.

They were right. There stood Barbossa, green apple in hand, monkey on shoulder. Blinking, respiring and everything, despite Jack shooting him in the heart not so long ago.

"So tell me, what's become of my ship?" he bit into the apple, drool running down his beard. "HAHAHAHA!" he laughed manically.

"BARBS!" Katy screamed and jumped on him, giving him one of her arm-crushing hugs. Katy had just experienced the most stressful day of her life, and really needed a father figure right now. Even if it happened to be the villain of the previous film.

Barbossa looked down at this limpet-like thing that had latched itself to his waist in complete bewilderment. Then his expression morphed into horror when he saw who it was. _Not this bloody girl again! _

Then the lights were dimmed.

"Uh – oh…" said Kevin slowly.

"What?" asked Joe.

"Isn't this the end of the second movie?"

Katy nodded. "Uh – huh…"

The teenagers braced themselves for the unavoidable blackness, and sure enough, everything started to fade. Everyone was staring at them. This was highly unorthodox.

"Blimey!" Gibbs exclaimed. "So Jack was telling the truth!" Yep. They could actually disappear from time to time.

"Look for us in Singapore!" Katy told the confused people who were actually _not_ fading.

Katy caught one last look at Nick. His eyes were downcast but he suddenly looked up and their eyes met.

"I'm sorry…" she mouthed as his face disappeared.

***

Katy and Alex heard each other breathing heavily through the black. Once again, the gleaming letters appeared, producing some dim light. The silence prevailed.

Katy looked behind her; Alex was just sitting there, looking sorry for herself.

"She isn't here…" Katy grumbled under her breath.

"Pardon?"

"She isn't here!" Katy repeated.

"Well, maybe…"

"She's not here, she's dead. The only friend I had left here is _dead_."

"She's my friend too!"

"Yeah!" sneered Katy, with a sarcastic tone. "I'm sure the last time you saw her she was just _high-fiving_ your face, then?"

Alex cringed.

But Katy was on the verge of yet another breakdown. "Great. I have no friends, and Nick's going to write a flipping song about me!"

"_Please _calm yourself."

"It'll be called something like 'Katy screwed me over'. Then I'll have this army of fangirls after my blood and I'll be more hated than Hitler and…"

"Breathe, Katy."

Katy took some deep breaths.

Alex sighed heavily. "To answer your next question, yes, it's me. I'm to blame for all your misery, all the repercussions. I get it."

"And aren't we both such flipping drama queens about it," Katy shook her head.

There was another minute long silence.

Katy suddenly thought of something. "OH CRAP!"

"What now?" Alex said in monotone.

"Where's the phone?"

"What phone?"

"To call somebody to put the next DVD in!" Katy was biting her nails.

"I'm sure it'll come…"

"Or else what happens to us?"

"I don't know."

They both thought about this.

Katy sighed deeply. "Is there any point trying? Really?"

"Of course!"

"What the heck do you mean? We have nothing to go back there for. _Nothing_."

"Of course we do!" Alex insisted.

"An ex boyfriend, his brothers... and Hazel's body?"

"She… isn't… dead!"

"But she-"

"And BEFORE you go on another one of your rants," Alex stood up to pick up a phone that had floated by, "Tia Dalma said that we'll get her back. She brought back Barbossa, did she not?"

"Yes, but…" Katy was about to argue back, but only because she'd become so used to it.

"And you and Nick? Obviously you two are just very stressed out today, and only 'broke up' because of a stupid misunderstanding!"

There was a pause before Katy finally accepted it. She hauled herself to her feet, feeling a sense of purpose again. "Right. Let's fix this mess."

_

* * *

_

_Oh gosh. I've never been more afraid of reviews in my life... I don't know what your reactions are going to be. I was close to changing this chapter completely, but as the whole story basically foreshadows this, it's too late now... __Before you demand where the humour went, when we wrote this, (over a year ago), we felt that given the circumstances, this is just how it would happen! And it would be interesting. Character development and all that. It also made us see that it's a lot more fun writing comedy... so they'll be nothing more like this._

_And I know what you're going to say here, Dr. Phil. This was written long before crap happened between us. The irony is scary, yet coincidental. And I'm sorry Joe didn't get to whip off his shirt, but I AM considering that for the future. MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALSO!!_

_Fear not. Happy times shall return, I've been writing the third movie, and if I do say so myself, you shall like it (: I have final exams going on for the next few months, which are basically set for the purpose of ruining your life. But I will get the next story up as soon as humanly possible. Trust me... I'm definitely NOT about to abandon you at this point in the story!_

_Hazel._


End file.
